Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Mumsnet classics

Relive the funniest, most unforgettable threads. For a daily dose of Mumsnet’s best bits, sign up for Mumsnet's daily newsletter.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

To be heartbroken about a birthday party

447 replies

AmericasfavoritefightingFrenchman · 19/07/2023 22:16

My DS is having a birthday party at the weekend. He recently turned 12, so just started secondary school. But it’s a special school, and DS’s disability means that developmentally he is still very much in the market for a party in our garden with pass the parcel, musical statues, duck duck goose etc. He’s invited his whole -small- class and is beyond excited. His is the first party invitation I’ve been aware of at his school this year.

So far so good? A lot of his classmates are coming which is wonderful. I wasn’t certain if they would. I think it’s going to be a success. The problem is I just can’t take reading the RSVPs from the other parents any more.

So many of these kids are charmingly, innocently, enormously excited. Reading the invitation daily in anticipation I’m told. Some I hear are very nervous to attend a social thing but utterly determined to see it through. I suspect these reactions are because party invitations are incredibly rare for these kids and I’ve been pushing the thought away as it makes me weepy.

Then today I got a very explicit RSVP- the boy’s mum said he will definitely attend and wants to bring a big present as it’s his first ever party invitation- at the age of 12. I’ve been sobbing every time I read it.

AIBU to be heartbroken that a child can get to secondary school without receiving a single invitation ever? How is that possible? I know the answer of course- it’s discrimination, ignorance, fear. A taste of the exclusion they can expect their whole lives. It’s a crying shame. I wish I knew what to do to help other than keep encouraging my DS to be friendly. I hope, I hope, my party planning is up to the task and they have the time of their lives.

OP posts:
Hollyshocks · 19/07/2023 22:37

That’s so lovely. I work at a special school and your right-social activities for these guys can be pretty rare. It’s difficult when they often live far away from each other and lives are complicated but it’s great works.
send some photos into school-they will love talking about it.
Hope you all have a wonderful time.

TheFlis12345 · 19/07/2023 22:37

How utterly lovely. Hopefully this will give more parents the confidence to host and this will be their first party of many!

HowAmYa · 19/07/2023 22:38

I think my heart just broke into a million pieces.

OP please PLEASE update us on party day, it will be such a joy to see what they all got up to enjoyed the most. What you are doing is just beyond wonderful x

honeyfox · 19/07/2023 22:38

That's so sad and wonderful at the same time. I hope they all have a fantastic day! Please report back ❤️

olympicsrock · 19/07/2023 22:38

Very special. Enjoy!

jeaux90 · 19/07/2023 22:40

Oh OP how very lovely but yes bitter sweet. I hope they all have a wonderful time.

thistimelastweek · 19/07/2023 22:40

Happy birthday to your boy and I hope you have the best party ever.

Theimpossiblegirl · 19/07/2023 22:40

You've done a lovely thing, op. I'm sure the party will be a success.

CopperSeahorses · 19/07/2023 22:42

I hope your son has a wonderful party!

ecosystem · 19/07/2023 22:43

Have a fabulous time. Yes, many disabled children never get invites to parties and it breaks my heart.

BigcatLittlecat · 19/07/2023 22:44

Heart breaking but amazing!! It will be great and hard work but worthwhile! Please please please update us on Saturday!

FrenchieF · 19/07/2023 22:44

Hope you’re son and all his friends have a wonderful party.

clpsmum · 19/07/2023 22:45

It is heartbreaking. My son is 14 and never been invited to a party. His own grandparents invited my other two children to a party they were holding and offered to pay me to keep him away 😡😡 life is really unfair sometimes. I hope all the kids have an absolute ball op

momtoboys · 19/07/2023 22:45

I think its lovely that you are so kindhearted about these young people. They will have a great time and I'll bet their parents are thrilled too!

kayserah · 19/07/2023 22:46

How lovely it will be for the children. Hope your son has an amazing birthday. Getting all weepy reading that myself ❤️❤️

Beachbreak2411 · 19/07/2023 22:48

Hope a good time is had by all!! Please do come back to update!! 🎈🎈🎈

Nachtvlinder · 19/07/2023 22:48

Gosh, I'm so moved to read this. It's heartbreaking to now that ND kids go through this. I can relate as my daughter wasn't picked for attending her peers' parties at her state primary school. (Think they judged her dad and I for being different, or that they didn't like her being clever. I don't know. Never found out why).

She went to a private secondary after that and made actual friends who genuinely liked her and had lots of parties/sleepovers to go to.

hockeysticks89 · 19/07/2023 22:48

I'm all choked up and am sending you positive vibrations for an amazing day. What a privilege to host the first ever party for these wonderful children xx

ArcaneWireless · 19/07/2023 22:49

I hope your party is a thing of wonder. It sounds like it is that already for some attendees. ☺️

I’m a hard hearted auld trout but I wish all the bairns a day of unlimited joy.

Bringonthesunforthewashing · 19/07/2023 22:49

Op I am so moved by your post.

please please let us know how it goes.

they will have a great time I am sure.

not often I am moved to tears!

blackbeardsballsack · 19/07/2023 22:50

I can't think of a better, more wholesome, happier place to be than at this party. You sound like a wonderful mum, and it's clear that your son and all of his friends are going to have an amazing day ❤️

Emerald4512 · 19/07/2023 22:51

How wonderful that you are able to give these children and your son such a wonderful memory! ❤️

ladydimitrescu · 19/07/2023 22:51

I've never wanted something to go well so much where a stranger is concerned - op, you're wonderful. I hope they have the best time ❤️

murasaki · 19/07/2023 22:52

I also wasn't expecting the first post from the title. I hope they all have a wonderful time.

AuntiZoaeshal · 19/07/2023 22:52

Yes - chill out space - and really really clear agenda - ideally circulated in advance, glued to the wall and referred to on welcome. Don’t leave any gaps for anxiety about ‘getting it right’.

Happy for your son’s friends that they will have this lovely memory together

Swipe left for the next trending thread