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Original poster

To be heartbroken about a birthday party

447 replies

AmericasfavoritefightingFrenchman · 19/07/2023 22:16

My DS is having a birthday party at the weekend. He recently turned 12, so just started secondary school. But it’s a special school, and DS’s disability means that developmentally he is still very much in the market for a party in our garden with pass the parcel, musical statues, duck duck goose etc. He’s invited his whole -small- class and is beyond excited. His is the first party invitation I’ve been aware of at his school this year.

So far so good? A lot of his classmates are coming which is wonderful. I wasn’t certain if they would. I think it’s going to be a success. The problem is I just can’t take reading the RSVPs from the other parents any more.

So many of these kids are charmingly, innocently, enormously excited. Reading the invitation daily in anticipation I’m told. Some I hear are very nervous to attend a social thing but utterly determined to see it through. I suspect these reactions are because party invitations are incredibly rare for these kids and I’ve been pushing the thought away as it makes me weepy.

Then today I got a very explicit RSVP- the boy’s mum said he will definitely attend and wants to bring a big present as it’s his first ever party invitation- at the age of 12. I’ve been sobbing every time I read it.

AIBU to be heartbroken that a child can get to secondary school without receiving a single invitation ever? How is that possible? I know the answer of course- it’s discrimination, ignorance, fear. A taste of the exclusion they can expect their whole lives. It’s a crying shame. I wish I knew what to do to help other than keep encouraging my DS to be friendly. I hope, I hope, my party planning is up to the task and they have the time of their lives.

OP posts:
Zeroperspective · 23/07/2023 16:43

Delighted it went well and everyone enjoyed it! Thank you for coming back to update x

LilyLemonade · 23/07/2023 16:46

So happy it went well! Here's to many more parties for your DS and all his friends.

Tilllly · 23/07/2023 17:01

That's great to hear 🥰

Mammamia2023 · 23/07/2023 17:09

@AmericasfavoritefightingFrenchman delighted to hear the party went well 🥳 what a special memory for all involved x

HappyGoLuckyLuLu · 23/07/2023 17:11

💜💜 this thread and what you've done for these kids - well don't OP, so glad it was a success, this thread may have made me tear up a teensy bit

StaunchMomma · 23/07/2023 17:28

AmericasfavoritefightingFrenchman · 23/07/2023 16:40

Hi all- well, the party happened yesterday and it was a pretty big success. DS certainly had a great time, and we just got rain right at the end so it didn’t interrupt much apart from eating cake, which was ok inside. We didn’t do half of what I had planned. With another go I think I could be snappier.

I think all his friends had a good time. One girl sat near, but not in, the ‘quiet area’ for everything except pass the parcel. One boy wore his ear defenders for the rest of the party after I convinced him to do the Hokey Cokey, which felt pointed but probably wasn’t 😂 I think several probably didn’t eat anything at all but socialised quite nicely during the food part. They honestly seemed like a great bunch, really pleasant and polite. I can’t imagine what could have seemed so off putting about hosting any of them.

Well done, OP! The party sounds brilliant and I'm sure the kids had a brilliant time.

Hopefully, after your success, the rest of the parents will start having parties too and the kids will all get many more invites ad have lots more fun together.

VeraMay · 23/07/2023 17:37

So glad it was a success for you all. 🥳

spiderlight · 23/07/2023 17:52

I'm so, so glad it was a success!!

weirdoboelady · 23/07/2023 18:22

Knowing it went so well and was such a success for so many kids has made me tear up all over again. Loads of hugs to the OP! 💖

missingeu · 23/07/2023 19:05

Thank you for the update, glad party went well.

Sugarfree23 · 23/07/2023 20:14

Really glad it went well
Hopefully some other parents will pick up the challenge to host a party.

Needapadlockonmyfridge · 23/07/2023 20:21

I am so pleased it went so well.
That's really made my day , I bet it has made yours, too!

Batalax · 23/07/2023 20:31

So pleased. I was a bit nervous for you.

Original poster
AmericasfavoritefightingFrenchman · 23/07/2023 21:00

Batalax · 23/07/2023 20:31

So pleased. I was a bit nervous for you.

Aw, that’s kind! Thanks! I was a bit nervous for me 😂

OP posts:
Mountainpika · 23/07/2023 22:04

Happy thread!

UsingChangeofName · 24/07/2023 00:42

Glad it went well. I was nervous with the weather forecast for much of the Country.

Ange211 · 24/07/2023 07:15

Glad it all went so well and the birthday boy enjoyed himself. Now you’ve done it hopefully some of the other parents will have the confidence to give it a bash.

Trickedbyadoughnut · 24/07/2023 09:07

Lovely update - congratulations, OP!

viques · 24/07/2023 09:15

Such a great update. I think this thread has been wonderful (and sometimes very sad) to read, not only for your boy and him getting his party, but because it has made other parents think about who they have invited to their childrens parties, and how they could be more thoughtful about children with SEN.

I hope this is the start of something for your son, his friends and a wider more inclusive community.

OrwellianTimes · 24/07/2023 09:18

“Then today I got a very explicit RSVP- the boy’s mum said he will definitely attend and wants to bring a big present as it’s his first ever party invitation- at the age of 12. I’ve been sobbing every time I read it. “

Oh my days 😭

ilovesushi · 24/07/2023 10:53

So pleased it went well. I did think of you when I was checking the weather forecast yesterday!

Lalalalala555 · 24/07/2023 11:57

You are what the world needs and what these kids need. :)

You can't change the past. But you can inspire the future. :)

I think by talking about this, you're raising awareness, and I don't know about anyone else reading this thread but it's made me extra determined to invite kids to birthday party's if I ever have kids :)

muppetmayhem · 24/07/2023 20:53

This sounds wonderful. Well done for being so thoughtful. So lovely you provided a quiet area as well.

HalloumiLuvver · 24/07/2023 21:13

@Turfwars . It's no surprise that the son of the wanker DH went to school with was the ringleader instigating most of the 'jokes'. As they say here in Ireland, they didn't lick it off a stone.

Omg my (Scottish) grandma used to say that, she was the only person I've heard use that phrase. I do think either her dad or her grandfather was Irish so it must have been passed down.

HalloumiLuvver · 24/07/2023 21:51

Well done OP! So glad it was a success and your son enjoyed his party.

Can I ask how the other parents seemed - did they enjoy it and did you get a chance to chat and get to knew them a bit - or were you too busy "hosting"?

I hope the parents were inspired to do one of their own next!