To be heartbroken about a birthday party

[AmericasfavoritefightingFrenchman]

My DS is having a birthday party at the weekend. He recently turned 12, so just started secondary school. But it’s a special school, and DS’s disability means that developmentally he is still very much in the market for a party in our garden with pass the parcel, musical statues, duck duck goose etc. He’s invited his whole -small- class and is beyond excited. His is the first party invitation I’ve been aware of at his school this year.

So far so good? A lot of his classmates are coming which is wonderful. I wasn’t certain if they would. I think it’s going to be a success. The problem is I just can’t take reading the RSVPs from the other parents any more.

So many of these kids are charmingly, innocently, enormously excited. Reading the invitation daily in anticipation I’m told. Some I hear are very nervous to attend a social thing but utterly determined to see it through. I suspect these reactions are because party invitations are incredibly rare for these kids and I’ve been pushing the thought away as it makes me weepy.

Then today I got a very explicit RSVP- the boy’s mum said he will definitely attend and wants to bring a big present as it’s his first ever party invitation- at the age of 12. I’ve been sobbing every time I read it.

AIBU to be heartbroken that a child can get to secondary school without receiving a single invitation ever? How is that possible? I know the answer of course- it’s discrimination, ignorance, fear. A taste of the exclusion they can expect their whole lives. It’s a crying shame. I wish I knew what to do to help other than keep encouraging my DS to be friendly. I hope, I hope, my party planning is up to the task and they have the time of their lives.

What a lovely post.

I hope every single parent who says they're going to exclude the one kid who is a bit weird in their primary school class will read it.

They probably won't though.

I hope your boy and his friends have a wonderful, wonderful day (I’m the parent of two children with ASD so fully get it) ❤️

Can you imagine the excitement in so many houses over the next t few nights.

Your party will be fantastic. I want to go myself 🥰

I hope they all have a fabulous time. If it goes well you should do it every year, they’ll love it, it’ll be like an end of term summer bash for all of them.

I supported a boy in college, he was 17. He had to design a party invitation. My heart broke when he told me he had never been invited to a party so didn’t know what an invitation looked like.
OP, I’m sure the children will have a fantastic day that they will remember for a long time, as will their parents.

I bet everyone will have a lovely time @AmericasfavoritefightingFrenchman

Maybe you could designate a room to be the calm quiet place just in case anyone gets a little overwhelmed?

Hopefully this is the start of lots of social things for your son and his classmates :)

@clpsmum

🌻 and for your boy 🌻

Omg how desperately sad my heart just broke a little bit for him

@ArcaneWireless thank you.

I could cry reading your post OP so totally understand why you're feeling emotional.

My advice would be to completely invert those feelings of sadness - all of the children involved in this situation are really happy- make it a happy wonderful day and I'm sure other parents present will see what a success it is and follow suit. Hopefully you're setting a precedent of regular birthday parties for your son and his friends.

I hope it goes brilliantly.

That is heartbreaking! I know not everyone can do parties and then can’t invite everyone but it’s so hard to see the ones who are missed out.

It’s lovely you’re doing this for ds! I hope you all have a great day, I’m sure the kids will all love it!

My grandson was the only one in his class not to be invited to a party (he was 4).
He didn't receive any other invites either. It's heartbreaking.
I hope your son and his friends have the most spectacular and special party of their little lives OP.

I hope they all have a wonderful time and happy birthday to your son - I’m sure you will be a very appreciated hostess 🥳

This absolutely kills me. I’m so sorry and WHY?? Little man❤️

A calm room would be good. Are some parents coming too? It may be difficult to manage all the excitement on your own.

I hope they really enjoy it.

Have a wonderful party, all of you (including the parents). As the mum of a ND child, I can understand to some degree. It’s wonderful that you have a place where your son and his friends are accepted. What a fabulous mum you are.

No... that's horrible, absolutely horrible

I'm a little choked myself

And angling for an invite - where do you live and what time does it start? ;)

Wishing you a fabulous party 🎉 🎈 (with wine for the adults!)

And as PP suggested, definitely send photos into school

Thank you so much for posting this OP

I hope it encourages people to be more inclusive and invite children so they don’t get to secondary school having never received an invitation.

I hope you all have a lovely lovely day 🎈

You're fab! The kids are going to love it. Both yours and the children attending.

Mum to sen boy juat turned 4 starting a specialist setting in September just 5 in his class. I hope all the mums are like you.

Hope your son has the best day!!

I’ve got a lump in my throat - it will be a wonderful party .. lots of happy children without a doubt 🤩 I hope your DS has the best day !
my DS is 19 tomorrow - he hasn’t been invited to a party since he was 6 , not had friends round since he was 9 . He is ASD and suffers GAD .
tonight he has a friend from college over who is also asd .. they’ve barely spoken to each other (both quiet ) but they are currently watching a film .. it’s so small yet so significant and I feel so happy

I hope your son has a wonderful party - Happy Birthday to him.
You have made me cry. And I never do!
Please come back and tell us how it went x

I hope everyone has a wonderful time,I have everything crossed for good weather for you. It will be lovely for the children to see each other outside of school.

And something else, I hope you and the other parents take the chance to get acquainted and build up your relationships too, I know it is very hard for parents of children in special schools where often the children use school transport, to ever meet other parents and get the chance to both socialise and network.

Please come back and tell us how it all went.

My non-verbal DS4 got his first birthday party invite earlier this year. I cried when it arrived, it was the first time he was included in anything from the kids from nursery. I had seen so many invites on kids pegs, and never any for DS up until then.

He was none the wiser. But I thanked the parent so much for inviting us and bought an overly expensive gift as way of celebration.

The party was stressful (for me!) and he didn’t join in any of the games and was happy to play alone in the softplay. But just being there was such an achievement that I don’t think anyone other than a ND parent can understand.