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Original poster

I can offer you solutions to all your problems

999 replies

pineapplebryanbrown · 14/02/2019 10:16

I'm a non medically trained self appointed internet nurse. I have a very old useless degree in humanities from a poly therefore am completely unfettered by knowledge or training. Bring me your problems and I'll solve them.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
13
FlaviaAlbia · 14/02/2019 10:20

Excellent. Can you tell me how to change DS's nappy without him making a break for freedom half way through? His brother was never this much of a Houdini.

I'm thinking duck tape might be the answer...

toomuchfaster · 14/02/2019 10:22

I have lots of abdominal pain, should I see a doctor or is too late?

BeeFarseer · 14/02/2019 10:23

I have a piece of a beef Hula Hoop stuck in my teeth. I can't decide whether to let it dissolve and enjoy the prolonged beefy flavour, or stick a finger in there to try and wriggle it free, which risks damaging my manicure .

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 14/02/2019 10:23

Flavia yes, hold him down with your feet as you do it, it worked for Helen Keller.

OP posts:
ToastyFingers · 14/02/2019 10:24

I have a cold. I feel gross. Please cure me.

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 14/02/2019 10:24

faster you're clearly in labour, unless you're a man in which case you need a big shit.

OP posts:
FlaviaAlbia · 14/02/2019 10:25

Interesting solution, can't be any worse than the current one Grin

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 14/02/2019 10:26

Bee don't let it dissolve, it will make you want more and more and more crisps. This is Thursday not Saturday for the love of God - use dental floss.

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toomuchfaster · 14/02/2019 10:27

Interesting!!! Shall I call a midwife or my DM?

SeeYouLaterUserData · 14/02/2019 10:27

How to stop Brexit? please and thank you Flowers

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 14/02/2019 10:28

Toasty lie on the sofa and rewatch all 5 series of Breaking Bad under a mound of blankets. If any work needs done or children need fed just tell them you can't be arsed.

OP posts:
Frazzlerock · 14/02/2019 10:28

Awesome!
Please tell me how to get pregnant and have a baby without it dying, despite taking ALL the supplements, not drinking alcohol or caffeine, and cutting out dairy, gluten and sugar and basically all the fun and money, while everyone else around me gets pregnant just by looking at their partners and they get to keep their babies too.
I'm all ears! Grin

MrsApplepants · 14/02/2019 10:28

Should we move abroad or not?

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 14/02/2019 10:29

Faster ask your DM to immediately train as a midwife then both problems solved.

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Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 14/02/2019 10:30

Data Could you become European in your head only?

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Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 14/02/2019 10:31

Apple yes, but only for 1 year, rent out your house and try it out then you can come back if you don't like it.

OP posts:
BeeFarseer · 14/02/2019 10:32

You're right, I want more crisps.

I have fished it out with a floss harp.

Thank you for your life-changing advice - my manicure is still good. I have attached a blurry photo as proof.

I can offer you solutions to all your problems
Bowchicawowow · 14/02/2019 10:33

My ddog’s a bit pesky. Any views on what could be wrong?

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 14/02/2019 10:33

Frazzle I'm sorry for your problems but I can only offer rubbish solutions. In the interim eat chocolate.

OP posts:
Bowchicawowow · 14/02/2019 10:33

Peaky not pesky!

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 14/02/2019 10:34

Bow he wants to go dogging - this could be a new hobby for both of you.

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Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 14/02/2019 10:35

Bee happy to be of service. Paint your nails rose petal pink - pink to make the boys wink.

OP posts:
lucysmam · 14/02/2019 10:35

There aren't enough hours to do everything I want to do...how do I get more? (p.s. please don't say get off mn, this is the first thread I've looked at today & I'm off to wash up the breakfast pots now!)

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 14/02/2019 10:37

Lucy do much, much less, lie down a lot more.

OP posts:
DorindaLestrange · 14/02/2019 10:38

I order clothes online after seeing them on 6-foot size 8 models, and then find they inexplicably look different on me. How do I resolve this issue?