I can offer you solutions to all your problems

[pineapplebryanbrown]

I'm a non medically trained self appointed internet nurse. I have a very old useless degree in humanities from a poly therefore am completely unfettered by knowledge or training. Bring me your problems and I'll solve them.

Tinty you will then be on the fortunate position to donate to those worse off. I have a hacksaw for detaching the excess feet. DM me.

Can you shout me when she comes back?

I've just eaten all the Monster Munch in the house and I want some more Monster Munch but don't want to go out until Saturday. I don't know who to turn to for advice.

Best thread I've read for ages. Well done thigh

@lolaflores

DanglyTassles

Can you call Deliveroo?

Come back OP! We need your advice!

Listen until Thigh returns,
I think it's best if we make a collective call to NHS 111 who may be able to send ambulances to unburden us of all our dilemmas. It really is the best use of resources.

Is this the way to Amarillo?

Bloody irresponsible, if you ask me, to start a thread offering a LIFELINE (lifeline, I tell you!) to people, and then to simply bugger off doing Real Life shit leaving us all hanging.

thigh
I think you were right.
I have no knowledge of marrying smelly bus man, but then again I can't remember most of how I got to 45.
I'm off to run him a bath and cut his long yellow fingernails with bread knife (gip gip)

lola
I think we should lie down first. It's what thigh would have wanted.

I'm not even going to post my question here and shall proceed straight to lying down and eating chocolate because it feels like the right thing to do.

Surely if the dogs were going to kill each other they would have done so by now.

Agreed. I am throwing myself on the floor until further instructions.
Thank you.

I've poohed three times already today and fared twice. Should I go to A&E ?

Thigh must have gone for a lay down !

I need to make a phone call that I have literally been putting off for weeks all day. How can I force myself?

She's gone?!?

She had to go out, said she would answer questions later BitOutOfPractice

Thigh are you also Mystic Reg on weekends? (Am lying down...)

I guess this quality of advice is worth waiting for

I'm back and will now solve all your problems in turn. I hope you've all been napping or at least having a lie down.

OldBrownShoe this is serious, he's trying the "nice guy" routine, it's gaslighting. And anticipating your thoughts is coercive control. Do odd things happen to you when you wake up - ie drool, pillow creases in your face or hair messier than when you went to bed? If so, he has been placing probes in your brain whilst you sleep.

Tighnabruaich a frying pan is a bit of a blunt instrument and will it really solve all your problems? See earlier advice re go-bag, CCTV and plastic sheeting to wrap the body.

SubparOw declare VD Day an extra Bank Holiday. It's very sunny today and you really should go out for a walk instead. Work when it's raining.

TheQueenSnortsAvocados if it's for you it won't go by you. You may have to wait for the interview first. Don't fret, recreational worrying never made anything better. Have a nap and then a lie down.

notquitethesame keep your standards extremely low, decide that you would like to put on weight. Buy cheaper but still tasty wine and eat what you like. If anyone complains about you throat punch them.