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Original poster

I can offer you solutions to all your problems

999 replies

pineapplebryanbrown · 14/02/2019 10:16

I'm a non medically trained self appointed internet nurse. I have a very old useless degree in humanities from a poly therefore am completely unfettered by knowledge or training. Bring me your problems and I'll solve them.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
13
Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 14/02/2019 10:40

Dorinda you must never wear corduroy or velour as they add 200 hundred pounds to you. Have you thought of moving to a naturist village and walking around in a blanket?

OP posts:
Catabogus · 14/02/2019 10:40

My house renovation isn’t going to be finished for 5 weeks, and the storage place where all my furniture is being stored is being knocked down in 3 weeks. I can’t move the furniture back into the house as it’s still not plastered and the floor hasn’t been laid (I’m living elsewhere obvs). What can I do with all my furniture for two weeks?!

Harrykanesrightsock · 14/02/2019 10:41

I’m short. How can I grow 4 inches.

DustyMaiden · 14/02/2019 10:41

Frazzlerock,
Sorry for your losses. B12 worked for me. 11 MCs .

DorindaLestrange · 14/02/2019 10:41

Yes!!! Genius!!!

I even already own a blanket!

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 14/02/2019 10:43

Cat could you ask the storage place if they know where you could store it - you won't be the only one with this problem.

OP posts:
Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 14/02/2019 10:43

Harry move to a country where the people are short and be tall in comparison.

OP posts:
PurplePepperEater · 14/02/2019 10:44

My DS won’t stop licking the patio doors no matter how many times I’ve fucking told him - besides tying him to the banister, any other ideas?

Harrykanesrightsock · 14/02/2019 10:45

Genius. Thankyou.

StealthPolarBear · 14/02/2019 10:45

Why is my excel file not working

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 14/02/2019 10:45

Purple could you tie him to the banisters?

OP posts:
Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 14/02/2019 10:47

Stealth I would suggest you have a lie down and then work out the sums with a notepad and pencil.

OP posts:
MarthasGinYard · 14/02/2019 10:48

Ive started to get those verical lines around my upper lip. Should I stop having the laser on said lip and grow a Marcel Marceau to hide the wrinkles Op?

What's your take?

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 14/02/2019 10:50

Martha I'm rocking a Hercule Poirot atm, wax the ends of your moustache and curl them, it's much more stylish.

OP posts:
spiderlight · 14/02/2019 10:51

I need a wee but there are builders working on the landing immediately outside the only toilet and I have the shyest bladder in the world. Builders will be there all day. Help.

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 14/02/2019 10:52

Spider go to McDonalds and do lots of wees and poos. Have an apple pie while you're there to bind everything together.

OP posts:
MarthasGinYard · 14/02/2019 10:53

What swift service Op

Why thank you

MarthasGinYard · 14/02/2019 10:53

'Spider go to McDonalds and do lots of wees and poos. Have an apple pie while you're there to bind everything together.'

GrinGrin

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 14/02/2019 10:55

Martha well - it's this or work Grin

OP posts:
toomanygreys · 14/02/2019 10:57

I don't want to go back to work this afternoon I've already been there since 5.45 and have come home for an hour. What can I do ?

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 14/02/2019 10:59

greys could you invent an urgent leak and say you can't leave the house? Then lie down.

OP posts:
Catabogus · 14/02/2019 11:01

I’ve noticed lots of your advice involves a lie down. I must say I’m a bit disappointed that my storage problem didn’t merit any lying down now...

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 14/02/2019 11:03

Cat you seem quite intelligent and therefore I assumed you were already lying down. You don't need to stand up to make a phone call, this isn't North Korea. I think you should put yourself down for a nap.

OP posts:
Heathcliff27 · 14/02/2019 11:04

I'm currently lying down doing nothing, but need to move and sort laundry and shit to make it seem like I havent done fuck all for the whole day. How do I get the motivation?

spiderlight · 14/02/2019 11:05

Grin Grin