What are your best Total Brain Farts?

[QuimReaper]

DH has just come home from a weekend away horribly sunburnt and I was looking everywhere for the aftersun which I distinctly remember buying last summer. I was a bit distracted rushing around trying to find it, and then at down at my computer and opened a browser window, and after a moment it dawned on me I'd been about to Google it. Yes, I was about to Google where in my own house I'd hidden with the bottle of aftersun

In the same vein, a few weeks ago I was at my desk rootling through my handbag when I realised I'd forgotten what I was looking for. It wasn't until I went back to my screen that I realised I'd been looking in my handbag for a file I wanted to attach to an email

Technology seems to absolutely flummox me when I'm a bit distracted! I'm forever getting out my Oyster card to try and get through my front door or my house keys to try and use the card entry turnstile at the library Please tell me it isn't just me who does these daft things?!

I often try to use my Oyster to get into my own house too. I don't even use a pass card for work anymore, just the tube.

I've also almost pressed and held a word for a definition in a paper book like I would on my Kindle.

I was walking down the road with DD and a friend I've known since childhood, and ran into a newer friend (I'd known about six months), I was about to introduce them, but suddenly forgot BOTH their names. They just slipped from my mind.

I have the Alexa Echo all over the house and will often call out things like Alexa, what time is it? What's the weather like later? Alexa tell Hive to turn the lights on ect.............Several weeks ago I was temping and was asked to check the temperature on a piece of work equipment. I immediately yelled out ''Alexa, What is the temperature?......''

I was a bit mortified.

Also, not completely the same thing. But yesterday I asked Dp to open the 'air portals'. I meant window.

I've done the Kindle thing too, trying to turn a page by touching the margin!

at "air portals" - I once forgot the word for "letterbox" and came up with "house flap"

I quite often try to open my flat front door with my car key remote

I've tried to open station gates with work pass and tried to open work door with season ticket. The stupidest one was trying to find mobile in my handbag which is like a skip whilst rushing for my bus. Thought 'I musta left it at home I'll text DP when in get on busbro check for me' how I was going to text if my mobile was indeed left at home I have no idea.

Quim you sound like my kinda people

I knew that DC1 wanted 5 chicken nuggets. DC2 wanted 5 chicken nuggets. Could I work out how many nuggets I needed altogether? Could I heck!

I tried to adjust a paper map the same way as google maps ...with my fingers.

The day I tried to put my bus travel card into the cash machine. I stood there and wondered for a minute why it wouldn't accept it before I realised.

I had a colleague, 'Fred', who went climbing every chance he got, went on climbing holidays, would come in every Monday talking about his latest climbing trip, new equipment, etc. He was the only person at work who was into it. One day he was regaling us once again when I looked up and said...

'You ought to get together with Fred some time. He's really into climbing as well.'

I've said this before but my absolute crowning moment was forgetting the word for butterfly and coming up with 'flap flap' as my best guess.
I've also spent a lot of time trying open or lock my front door with the car keys.

I had been visiting a friend, and she accompanied me to the gate when I left. I unlocked my car, got in and tried to work out why something didn't feel right.
Then I realised I was sitting in the passenger seat

I once spent a good few minutes trying to figure out where the save button was for the piece of paper I'd been writing on.

I've done the trying to zoom in using my fingers thing too.

I often try to scroll books,menus etc the way I would on my phone

I can never, ever, ever remember the phrase 'mow the lawn' and always come up with 'Hoover the grass'.

My most awkward brain fart / moment of madness was when DD was first born, I was still very tired and emotional. I took her to the drop-in baby clinic to have her weighed and measured one morning and the HV said 'good morning gorgeous girl' or something similar to DD. For some reason I said 'he's a boy actually' in a snooty voice. HV apologised and asked his name. There was a very long silence before I said, 'I can't remember'. HV looked me like and told me to strip baby off to be weighed. Excruciating awkwardness followed when I took DD's clothes off and she was very clearly NOT a boy. I had to apologise and reassure HV I really was her mum and I didn't know why I had said she was a boy. Toe-curlingly cringeyness. I was mortified.

Couldn't think of the word for fire engine, so we now have fire ambulances.
On the phone to the bank and they wanted to confirm my address, I had to go outside to look at the house number.

DCs do different clubs on Monday and Wednesday. I have more than once driven to Monday's club on Wednesday. Then had to mad dash between them, because of course they're opposite ends of town.

Also filling a registration form out for D.C.'s. Ds1 looked at his, it was all good. Ds2 noticed I'd got his date of birth wrong. DCS are twins, every detail except their first name is the same.

Oh my God Build that sounds EXACTLY like something I would do

Telling my granny that my baby's name is bi sexual when I meant to say uni sex!

In fact, I once told a bloke who worked in our local corner shop that my name was Celine.

My name is not Celine and I haven't the slightest idea why I said it was. It's not even a name I have any especial affection for.

He greeted me resoundingly very time I went in, and I had to avoid going in with anyone else I knew for about seven and a half years before the shop closed down

I misread the heading as 'What are your best total TRAIN farts?'

I was very tired one night when dc3 was tiny and tried to turn the TV down with a baby bottle. It didn't work, obviously, so my solution was to shout at the bottle and throw it across the room. I then picked up my phone and googled "my bottle won't work". DH was sat next to me crying and holding out the remote to me.

Whenever I attempt to flash someone angrily in my car, I merely set my windscreen wipers going furiously. It's never raining at the time.

Oh and talking affectionately to my black fur hat, in a Specsavers manner.

Earlier today I forgot the word for rug, so called it a floor cardigan.

This thread has made me cry with laughter

And feel better about brain farting every day!