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What are your best Total Brain Farts?

269 replies

QuimReaper · 02/07/2017 14:58

DH has just come home from a weekend away horribly sunburnt and I was looking everywhere for the aftersun which I distinctly remember buying last summer. I was a bit distracted rushing around trying to find it, and then at down at my computer and opened a browser window, and after a moment it dawned on me I'd been about to Google it. Yes, I was about to Google where in my own house I'd hidden with the bottle of aftersun Blush

In the same vein, a few weeks ago I was at my desk rootling through my handbag when I realised I'd forgotten what I was looking for. It wasn't until I went back to my screen that I realised I'd been looking in my handbag for a file I wanted to attach to an email Confused Blush

Technology seems to absolutely flummox me when I'm a bit distracted! I'm forever getting out my Oyster card to try and get through my front door or my house keys to try and use the card entry turnstile at the library Grin Please tell me it isn't just me who does these daft things?!

OP posts:
JordanMcDeere · 03/07/2017 20:48

When arranging a house viewing the agent asked who'd be living there. My response "me, myself & my infant son". At least I included an explanation I suppose

QuimReaper · 03/07/2017 20:48

In a new job, instead of answering the phone with "Good morning, , Billy speaking?" I said "Good , morning speaking, Billy?"

Grin Grin Grin

I'm howling at the Lederhosen too!

I once got a rash on my bum and because I couldn't see it easily, took a picture on my phone. Then I put the phone down on the sofa and sat down, and the phone got tangled up in the throw and cushions and things. Luckily I got a text message and heard it vibrate, because when I pulled it out of the nest I had made I had somehow opened Instagram, selected the picture of my bum, applied an attractive filter, and started typing a nonsense caption, all by sitting on it. Another wriggle and I'd have hit "send". Probably the luckiest escape of my life.

OP posts:
QuimReaper · 03/07/2017 20:50

Lesser, I was thinking of Angela Hernandez following Mushroom's post too - still probably my favourite OP ever Grin

OP posts:
SexLubeAndAFishSlice · 03/07/2017 20:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

stumblymonkeyagain · 03/07/2017 21:01

I worked in a call centre for a year after uni. After a day at work I got off the bus and instead of saying 'Thank you' to the bus driver I said 'Good morning, you're through to Royal Bank of Scotland' Blush

Raisinsaretoddlercrack · 03/07/2017 21:09


I also get a split second thought about needing to text the cat. I told this to my husband whilst reading him this thread and he looked at me like I was insane! I'm glad I'm not the only one Grin

TheMogget · 03/07/2017 21:13

I frequently try to turn the volume up so I can hear my DD when she's mumbling in the back of the car Blush

Nicpem1982 · 03/07/2017 21:16

I put dds toothpaste in the freezer and the peas in the bathroom

bluebellsparklypants · 03/07/2017 21:16

This is such a excellent thread ..I've actually done one or more of what's already been said - I feel loads better about myself now knowing I'm not the only one

Nicpem1982 · 03/07/2017 21:18

Also when I worked in a call centre I asked

"Is that q for cucumber?"

It wasn't

belgina · 03/07/2017 21:22

Omg, proper crying at this thread Grin

I do the windscreen wiper instead of lights flashing thing all the time!
Also the zooming/scrolling on laptop or paper.

I frequently knock the door when leaving a room at work (I am a HCP). Patients must think I am bonkers.

I once boiled the kettle & then poured the hot water over my cereal instead of the tea pot.
Also checked my watch while holding a drink in the watch hand, with an obvious wet result.
Getting in the bath while still wearing socks/knickers is something that I have been known to do too.

And in the bad mum category, I have 1) not noticing ds hadn't got up only for him to emerge at 10 am in a panic because he missed his exam and 2) keeping dcs home, convinced there was an inset day, while there wasn't.

paxillin · 03/07/2017 21:26

I made myself a cup of coffee in a tommee tippee bottle once by accident.

Freshprincess · 03/07/2017 21:28

q for cucumber Grin
all the words fall out of my head when I have to spell my name like that 'T is for ermmmmm'. And I always get mixed up with the alpha, whiskey, Charlie way of spelling stuff. Just say the letters!

SleepWhatSleep1 · 03/07/2017 21:28

My mother often rings to ask for phone numbers which I look up for her on my phone. I've often started panicking that I can't find my phone while actually on the phone to her. More hilariously she often "helps" by suggesting places to look! Grin

I've panicked that I've lost my 3 yo, looking wildly around and calling for her etc - while pushing the buggy containing said child in plain sight. Also routinely panic that I've lost the baby while he's slung on my back. With dd1 I several times panicked that I'd lost her while actually breastfeeding her!

This next one happens so frequently that I have to tell myself to expect it everytime. The downstairs (very dark and poky) loo has the light switch on the outside of the door. I put the lights on, open the door, then have a shock that the lights are on. Every time. I'm such a fuckwit Confused

Cocolepew · 03/07/2017 21:29

I had to phone for an ambulance and asked for a Drs van.

dudsville · 03/07/2017 21:29

I was in the passenger seat of our car and we stopped so that i could pop out to put some letters in the post box. Oh pulled to a stop. I contemplated the car door for a moment realising I didn't know how to open it. I didn't want to look like a fool in front of oh so I made my best guest. .. and promptly rolled up the window.

SecretLimonadeDrinker · 03/07/2017 21:33

Whenever I attempt to flash someone angrily in my car, I merely set my windscreen wipers going furiously. It's never raining at the time.

Yep, I do this too, and looking up a word my pressing it in a paperback! ๐Ÿ˜‚

Nicpem1982 · 03/07/2017 21:45

Fresh - we were tested in the phonetic alphabet in training but it just went

dudsville · 03/07/2017 21:52

"Floor cardigan" reminds me of when I sole of "garden dividers" having forgotten the much handier and well known "fence".

dailymailarecunts · 03/07/2017 21:54

I am crying with laughter here! I've often goto text my son (5) and the cat too. It's so inconvenient neither of them have phones!

My worst one I've admitted to before, but a lady asked my name just after ds was born and I couldn't remember so I replied "mummy" she looked really confused but I couldn't come up with anything better!

When ds was about 6 months old and not sleeping I took him for a walk in the Pram where he promptly fell asleep. I decided to pretend I was having a picnic so I could lie down and rest my eyes too. Except I didn't have a blanket and it was October. To all onlookers I was just a lady curled around her pram (to stop people stealing my baby) in the middle of a field. How no one called the police on me is beyond me!

LadyFlumpalot · 03/07/2017 21:56

This will completely out me as I've been giggling about this for weeks.

I tried to say to DH "I'll just have a wee and I'll be right with you" when we were headed out to visit friends.

What actually came out of my mouth was "A wee wee, a woo woo".

I could hear myself saying it and my brain was yelling at my mouth to stop talking - but too late. ๐Ÿ˜‚

SleepWhatSleep1 · 03/07/2017 22:03

I've asked for this thread to be moved to classics - I've been crying with laughter! Grin

A wee wee a woo woo Grin

Cagliostro · 03/07/2017 22:05

I've also almost pressed and held a word for a definition in a paper book like I would on my Kindle. so glad it's not just me!

Littlefrogger · 03/07/2017 22:32

I'm making the bed wobble I'm laughing so much..
A wee wee a woo woo Grin

cakesonatrain · 03/07/2017 22:40

Also trying not to actually LOL at
A wee wee a woo woo

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