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What are your best Total Brain Farts?

269 replies

QuimReaper · 02/07/2017 14:58

DH has just come home from a weekend away horribly sunburnt and I was looking everywhere for the aftersun which I distinctly remember buying last summer. I was a bit distracted rushing around trying to find it, and then at down at my computer and opened a browser window, and after a moment it dawned on me I'd been about to Google it. Yes, I was about to Google where in my own house I'd hidden with the bottle of aftersun Blush

In the same vein, a few weeks ago I was at my desk rootling through my handbag when I realised I'd forgotten what I was looking for. It wasn't until I went back to my screen that I realised I'd been looking in my handbag for a file I wanted to attach to an email Confused Blush

Technology seems to absolutely flummox me when I'm a bit distracted! I'm forever getting out my Oyster card to try and get through my front door or my house keys to try and use the card entry turnstile at the library Grin Please tell me it isn't just me who does these daft things?!

OP posts:
Lambbone · 10/09/2017 22:46

Crying with laughter at the baby's ear Grin

About 1000 years ago when the dcs were tiny a new lady came to the baby group. I went to have a chat and asked the name of her daughter. It was Shannon.

So did I say anything appropriate like "what a lovely name" or "is she sleeping well" ?

No. What fell out of my mouth?


Pure reflex.

Poor woman must have thought I was a total tosser.

PattyPenguin · 11/09/2017 18:34

When I was at university, back in the dark ages, to get cash out of your bank account you had to make out a cheque to "Cash" and take it to the counter.

A friend and I went in to the bank, I watched her write her cheque, then started writing my own. I got it all right - date, "Cash", sum in words, sum in figures - took it over to the counter, then in front of the cashier signed, with a flourish, my friends's name.

mereweather · 15/09/2017 19:15

As a nurse, whenever relatives would telephone in the morning requesting information on loved ones, my brain fart reply eventually became standard of ,,, if you ring back later after the ward round, we will have a clearer idearer of then! Always ended up with a thank you nurse too!

Goldenbug · 20/09/2017 09:22

The other day I wanted to say how dangerous the world could be in a jokey way by listing some deadly animals you could bump into if you step outside. "There are wolves...penguins...and Philips!" Yes, the third most dangerous animal I could think of under pressure were people called Philip.

ArcheryAnnie · 20/09/2017 09:28

Lambbone and my mind immediately went "...Malin, Dogger Bank"!

redhalia · 10/04/2018 13:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

S0T1RED · 11/05/2018 17:54

Last night, I asked my husband to stroke my "limb ends".

I meant my feet.

mamahanji · 11/05/2018 18:50

I called the boot of the car 'the back pocket' today. Sounded rude.

Putbiglighton · 17/05/2018 20:27

When I was newly pregnant with DD1, I would forget random words, my PIN at the cashpoint, etc. My mum had asked if I wanted her to buy some cloth nappies for the baby and I tried to tell her that I was going to use disposables. But the word "disposable" had evaporated from my brain as if it had never existed. I sat there going "you know, artificial! nappies..." I remember feeling utterly bewildered at what the bloody things were actually called.

MamaMilkMachine · 05/09/2018 21:53

I am always doing this kind of stuff! Some of the best ones....
Me and DH went to view a car, i have my licence and have been driving for years, I asked the guy what the fourth pedal was for, it was the foot rest Blush
When I was younger I went to the doctors as I needed to wee all the time, he asked me to bring in a water sample. On the way out I asked him if just normal tap water would do Grin my 11 year old self thought there must have been something in the water making me need to loo so often.

Biancadelriosback · 03/11/2018 21:44

Okay, I know this is old but I needed to add mine.
When DS was 3 weeks old he slept is a swing cot next to my side of the bed. Once he woke up crying in the middle of the night so I got up, went to the fridge, took out a packed of bacon, came back to bed, plopped it on DHs head and went back to bed. No idea what happened!

MinceAndTatties · 05/11/2018 21:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Exhaustedmummy1811 · 17/11/2018 15:21

Last week I was in asda when I realised I had lost my dd, I got in such a panic I went to customer services and told them. They alerted security, several members of staff and myself running around the store frantically looking for my 3 year old. I then remembered she was at nursery. I left without shopping as I was so embarrassed. I'm 20 weeks pregnant so blamed baby brain lol

BlessedMango · 29/11/2018 18:19

I’ve just tried to flush the loo by turning the light off. So confused about why it had gone dark!

dragonsandfairies · 13/01/2019 18:27

My DH had pulled up to a junction. I could see a fire engine coming with lights flashing but no sound. In a panic that he hadnt seen I just started shouting nee naw nee naw at the top of my voice. Couldn't for the life of me think what it was called.

Greenandcabbagelooking · 02/03/2019 12:47

This is actually my Dad's brain fart, but it makes me chuckle.

He was filling in a form for me to go on a school trip, aged about 12. All good, until I hand it to the teacher, who queries my age. My dad has written my big brother's date of birth. We do share the day, and month is only one different, but my brother is 14 years older than me, so the year was quite a bit out!

Robstersgirl · 03/03/2019 15:05

I was using scan as you shop in Tesco the other day. A brand of yoghurt was on offer at 12 for £3. I picked the 3 flavours I wanted and scanned the 3 pots 4 times each to get the offer. Got home and realised I hadn’t actually picked up the other 9, so paid £3 for 3 yoghurts. Blush

BearSoFair · 07/03/2019 16:10

At work, wanted to ask my manager if we had any security tags upstairs. But my mind blanked as I started talking and I ended up asking him if we had any of 'the plastic things that go beep beep beep if someone is stealing' Blush Blush

April241 · 10/03/2019 16:12

Ive tried to zoom into an actual picture like I would on my phone, flicked a page in a book like I'd swipe on my kindle and answered my mobile with "hello staff nurse April".

I've also phone people and instead of saying Hi X it's April I've went Hi April it's X

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