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What are your best Total Brain Farts?

269 replies

QuimReaper · 02/07/2017 14:58

DH has just come home from a weekend away horribly sunburnt and I was looking everywhere for the aftersun which I distinctly remember buying last summer. I was a bit distracted rushing around trying to find it, and then at down at my computer and opened a browser window, and after a moment it dawned on me I'd been about to Google it. Yes, I was about to Google where in my own house I'd hidden with the bottle of aftersun Blush

In the same vein, a few weeks ago I was at my desk rootling through my handbag when I realised I'd forgotten what I was looking for. It wasn't until I went back to my screen that I realised I'd been looking in my handbag for a file I wanted to attach to an email Confused Blush

Technology seems to absolutely flummox me when I'm a bit distracted! I'm forever getting out my Oyster card to try and get through my front door or my house keys to try and use the card entry turnstile at the library Grin Please tell me it isn't just me who does these daft things?!

OP posts:
ThomasRichard · 04/07/2017 13:37

I had a week where I couldn't say 'tortoise'. It kept coming out as 'tortle, no, turtuss'. I can't remember why I was trying to say tortoise so much but it was annoying.

One night I stomped back to bed really annoyed that I'd had to get up to settle a crying baby because its parents were ignoring it. Once back in bed, I remembered that the baby was DD and I was her parent Blush

noosmummy12 · 04/07/2017 13:54

I'm absolutely wetting myself! I called ds 'she' and 'her' for about 3 months. Still do and he's 6 months old now! And once I tried to say rotating and really couldn't do I ended up saying 'oh ay ee'

Many times I've forgotten where I live and end up at a place I've not lived at for years too! I've also forgotten to pick dd1 up from school thinking she had after school club when In fact she's not been at after school club since november

noosmummy12 · 04/07/2017 13:58

Also couldn't seem to read the word cow. Coo and cwow but not cow

stinkingbishop · 04/07/2017 14:05

I threw my socks in the loo the other night whilst getting ready for bed. It's not even in the same room as the laundry basket.

I tried to open the driver's door with the ignition key. On my test. The examiner, bless him, pretended he hadn't seen.

I also, in conversation with DP, revealed that I had vaguely thought spinning classes were something to do with, well, spinning. I hadn't really given it much thought tbh but if pressed had pictured something a bit like the whirling dervishes...

Standstilling · 04/07/2017 14:12

A wee wee a woo woo is up there with Angela Hernandez. Thank for you the best laugh on a day when I really need it xx

MardAsSnails · 04/07/2017 14:12

I turned up late for work the other day. Reason? Traffic. The boss drives the same way as me and questioned it because he'd had a clear run.

I had to admit to him that the 'Traffic' was on the way from our old offices to the new ones. Yes, I'd gone to work at the old office, which is about 25 miles away and in the wrong direction. We moved offices 3 years ago.

Vanillafox · 04/07/2017 14:18

I used to work in entertainment and had an audition for a job as a dancer in a show team. When we got to the interview section, they asked me to tell them about my dance training and qualifications. I went utterly blank and blurted out, "I've got all the shoes!"

Can't believe I actually got the job. That was 15 years ago and DH still brings it up at every social event we go to Blush

JennyOnAPlate · 04/07/2017 14:47

I'm absolutely crying at some of these and quite relieved that I'm not the only one to have these moments of madness!!

I regularly get cross when by front door won't open when I press the button on my car key. This happens at least once a week.

I've also blocked a debit card by putting my phone pin into the card machine. I was paying for petrol too so couldn't just walk out and leave it! I had my credit card on me but had no clue what the pin was (mines the second card on dh's account) so had to phone dh to ask. I'm going red just thinking about the queue that was building up behind me.

paddypants13 · 04/07/2017 14:48

I forgot one. When I was in hosp just after having dd the midwife took her so I could get a few hours sleep. We were having trouble establishing bf so midwife said she'd give dd a bit of formula and wake me when she next needed feeding.

Midwife came to wake me up:

MW: Paddy, dd's hungry. Do you want to try and feed her?
Me: Yes. Sorry, who do you want me to feed?
MW: Dd.
Me:Who's dd?
MW: I'll give her some formula, you go back to sleep.
Me: Zzzzzzzzzz

My notes mentioned I was so confused and disorientated with lack of sleep I'd forgotten I'd given birth. Blush

I'm surprised they let me take her home and even more surprised she's survived until 4.5.

dementedma · 04/07/2017 15:05

I have done a lot of these.
I regularly use my mobile phone instead of the mouse and wonder why the cursor isn't moving.

I proudly took newborn dd1 out in her pram to the shops and returned home vaguely aware I had forgotten something...she was still parked outside the shop where I had left her.

Electrolux2 · 04/07/2017 15:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RedStripeIassie · 04/07/2017 16:03

Earlier this year I asked a hairdresser for a cut and blowjob over the phone. Obviously I was meant to say blow dry.

My excuse was that I was on a lot of very strong painkillers at the time!

trevortrevorslattery · 04/07/2017 16:58

A wee wee a woo woo

Gingernaut · 04/07/2017 17:19

I was literally crying with laughter on the bus this morning. I must have looked insane.....

A wee wee a woo woo and floor cardigan

Still making me smile now.

LadyFlumpalot · 04/07/2017 17:34

Crikey, I'm glad my wee wee woo woo brain fart has given so many people a giggle. I still randomly snort when I remember it. SmileGrin

Snooks1971 · 04/07/2017 17:45

A really stressful, awkward, important phone call years ago to a possible new employer. It went OK...until the end when the time came to say goodbye. I forgot the word for goodbye (as you do) so said "thanks very much, that's great, hello" AT THE END OF THE CALL.
Didn't get the job.

HV asked me what DS1 dob was - my mind was a total blank. I blurted out our Wedding Anniversary date instead, then had to back track and admit I couldn't remember but it was a similar date! Mortified.

A few months ago I was rushing to get dressed for work, sat on the bed and put my outdoor shoes on despite wearing no trousers/jeans on my legs. Not a good look.

Floor cardigan!!!

GissASquizz · 04/07/2017 17:54

I took ds2 for his first lot of vaccinations. The receptionist quite reasonably asked his name. I said Baby. She looked at me and then gently asked his full name. I panicked and said Baby Squizz. We both looked at my sleeping son for a moment and then I triumphantly said "Middle name Squizz! No! But nearly!" I then laughed hysterically. The lovely receptionist kindly said "First name?" I nearly kissed her.

cakesonatrain · 04/07/2017 18:02

"I've got all the shoes!"

GrinGrin

Idratherhaveacupoftea · 04/07/2017 18:29

I went to get the washing out of the washing machine after a long wash only to find I hadn't put the clothes in. Made tea without t-bags, found a packet of biscuits in the laundry basket. I found a sponsor form in the bathroom cabinet I'd been looking for for ages. Was with my mum in a dry cleaners when they asked for her address.She gave one that she hadn't lived in for over 30 years.Hmm

Buckleupbuttercups · 04/07/2017 18:33

When very pregnant I couldn't remember the words for TV or remote, so just gestured in that general direction. I explained to DH that it was ok, I was just having trouble with my speak mouth.

Catmint · 04/07/2017 18:36

Couldn't remember the word for toilet. It's now known as the Poo Bin in this house.

KikiMadeMeDoIt · 04/07/2017 18:37

Was reading these out to DH and got to the handwriting one. "True," says DH, "People just don't type much these days."
πŸ™„

TheHobbitMum · 04/07/2017 18:41

I've done more of these than I want to admit, it's a running joke in the house and my nickname is often Dappymoo Blush

One of the times I'm never allowed to forget is when I tried to make a cake, following the recipe carefully it said to place 6 eggs in a bowl & stir... So I did, complete eggs in shells πŸ˜‚ DH came into the kitchen 15mins later to see me stirring 6 eggs with shells on in a bowl and asked WTF I was doing and couldn't stop laughing when I said I was filling the recipe and it said to add 6 eggs and stir. In my defence the recipe never said to crack them first πŸ˜‚

I've forgotten kids in various places, put shopping away in the wrong places, used my mobile to text DH that I've forgotten my phone and not to bother texting me, turned up on the wrong day/month for appointments etc etc It's embarrassing but the family have an endless source of amusement πŸ˜‚

Hobbes39 · 04/07/2017 19:15

I'm crying reading these - brilliant!
I've taken the dog to the dog groomers, left him and got home then spent a frantic 15 minutes searching for the dog, calling his name, thinking he's been stolen / escaped from the garden etc before realising that the reason there wasn't a dog to greet me when I came home was because I'd just dropped him off. Done it twice now. πŸ™„

pawpatrol123 · 04/07/2017 19:26

Not me but dh. Bought me a bar of chocolate as a surprise. He decided to hide it. Unfortunately his hiding place was in the airing cupboard, on top of the radiator. It was the middle of Winter!

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