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What are your best Total Brain Farts?

269 replies

QuimReaper · 02/07/2017 14:58

DH has just come home from a weekend away horribly sunburnt and I was looking everywhere for the aftersun which I distinctly remember buying last summer. I was a bit distracted rushing around trying to find it, and then at down at my computer and opened a browser window, and after a moment it dawned on me I'd been about to Google it. Yes, I was about to Google where in my own house I'd hidden with the bottle of aftersun Blush

In the same vein, a few weeks ago I was at my desk rootling through my handbag when I realised I'd forgotten what I was looking for. It wasn't until I went back to my screen that I realised I'd been looking in my handbag for a file I wanted to attach to an email Confused Blush

Technology seems to absolutely flummox me when I'm a bit distracted! I'm forever getting out my Oyster card to try and get through my front door or my house keys to try and use the card entry turnstile at the library Grin Please tell me it isn't just me who does these daft things?!

OP posts:
ClementineWardrobe · 03/07/2017 22:54

I'm 40 and have worn glasses for 32 years. On the rare occasions I wear contacts, I continually forget I've got no specs on. This means I push glasses up my nose that aren't actually there, so I walk along occasionally poking myself between my eyebrows. People move away from me on the bus.

ChaosAD · 03/07/2017 22:54

I'm forever saying thank you to the cash machine when it spits out my money.
I once drained peas in a sieve, only it was the wrong way round.
I absent mindedly called a young male work colleague 'dear' when I was asking him to do something.
I frequently get into the shower with my glasses on.

Sad, innit!! πŸ˜€

Kerantli · 03/07/2017 23:07

DP has a habit of calling me (and any other female) "Babe", cue me in a fit of exhaustion calling him babe instead of "Darling" like I usually do.

I regularly forget the word for things as well, but can't think of anything right now!

AreWeThereYet000 · 03/07/2017 23:09

Blocked my pin card by entering my phone password Blush

Lobsterquadrille2 · 03/07/2017 23:18

When my SatNav says sternly "where possible, make a U turn", I feel terribly guilty as if I'm being reprimanded and apologise to her.

ScissorBow · 03/07/2017 23:19

Post DD2 haze both DH and I regularly forgot to close the car/front door. So regularly in fact you'd think we'd start remembering. Nope. Our kind elderly neighbour would spot it before either of us. We even did it outside a toddler group at the community centre. Door still open after 2 hours of play. Good job it was a nice area!

QuimReaper · 03/07/2017 23:21

I see our Brain Farts have now been immortalised in Classics! Grin

OP posts:
sparechange · 03/07/2017 23:23

I have tried to make coffee by putting a nespresso pod in the mug and pouring hot water on it. Then standing there wondering what is wrong.

And I wanted to ask the cleaner to go around the ceilings to get rid of cobwebs. But I couldn't remember the word, so I called them 'spider houses'

BurnThisDiscoDown · 03/07/2017 23:29

I've also spent 10 minutes looking for my phone while actually talking on it! And I spent the first 2 months or so referring to DS as she and her. No idea why. When he was about 12 hours old he was crying and I said "stop crying baby girl, I can't hear what you're saying." The woman in the other bed must have thought I was mental. BlushOh, and once I was making stir fry and I emptied the meat from the container straight into the bin. I'm an idiot. Grin

Fioniac · 03/07/2017 23:36

I actually think this is the best thing I've read in my life Grin

When I was pregnant I would regularly eat yoghurts and place the empty pots back in the fridge.

In work I also managed to jam the industrial sized can of coffee into the fridge door. It must have taken some force to put it in there but I had no knowledge of doing it.

Another good one was when I said to my husband "do you know, I haven't worn this t-shirt since the last time I wore it?"

DontBuyANewMumCashmere · 03/07/2017 23:57

Oh God I do loads of these.
I repeatedly push up my 'glasses' when I'm actually wearing contacts.
I also go to press words in paperbacks.
I have 'zoomed out' of analogue maps!
I often say or think words so many times I become convinced they're not real or that I'm saying them wrong.
I forget simple words ALL. THE. TIME. My poor husband has an excellent guessing rate.
And I frequently walk out of a shop or whatever the wrong way but I'm not one of those who is embarrassed and goes into another shop just to turn, so I frequently just stop or spin in the middle of nowhere.
I also sometimes (not frequently) turn the wipers on when I'm trying to indicate.

And once, on a training day with colleagues of all ranks and from other departments, I was introducing myself (in front of everyone, just before we had to do an exercise) to a female sergeant who I hadn't worked closely with but admired her (nice bright fair normal) and she held out her hand and said "Hi I'm Hannah"
And I shook her hand, looked her in the eye and in my head I said She's Hannah She's Hannah
And actually said "Hi I'm Hannah. No. You're Hannah. I'm DontBuy." Blush

OkPedro · 04/07/2017 00:00

I regularly think "oh I'll just ring my lighter" when it's gone awol. FFS πŸ™ˆ

Kittyp75 · 04/07/2017 00:33

Giving out my home telephone number to relatives (I work on a hospital ward) and wondering why they were ringing me at 9am to ask how there loved one had been.

BlossomCat · 04/07/2017 01:14

At work, on a hospital ward. The phone rang, so I answered by saying 'Hello, X ward, student nurse speaking'
The person on the other end asked to speak to the nurse in charge, whereupon I had to explain that I was actually the ward sister who'd forgotten that she'd qualified about a million years ago...

DarkAngel1984 · 04/07/2017 06:30

When ds was only a few months old myself and dh went to my family's for the whole day and came back very late in the evening to find the front door to our maisonette wide open. We were very scared that we had been burgled.


It turned out that in our tired states both of us had not only forgot to lock and also shut the front door.

We were very fortunate that everything was where it should have been and no one had taken advantage of our forgetfulness

tkband3 · 04/07/2017 08:18

I tried for ages to use an Asda gift card to pay at the self-service tills the other day. The assistant was busy with others so I kept trying to swipe it but to no avail. I eventually called the assistant over. He looked at the card, looked at me and said 'madam this gift card is for Argos not Asda' πŸ˜€πŸ˜€.

Jamon · 04/07/2017 08:37

I walked into M&S out of the rain. Mosied all the way around the store and went to pay. The cashier looked at me like Hmm and said "it's not raining in here love". I still have my sodding umbrella up, over my head πŸ™ˆ

Jamon · 04/07/2017 08:42

Josephine raisin texting the cat yes I have done this too! Haha

Jamon · 04/07/2017 08:43

Lobster blindassasin hahaha definitely done the angry windscreen wash too

Bluntness100 · 04/07/2017 08:44

I also remember signing my maiden name on the transaction slip when buying something, the cashier pointed out the name didn't match the card. I exclaimed " oh god, sorry it's my maiden name"

He responded with " oh just married" with a kindly smile. I felt quite embarassed when I said " well no it's been six years actually" .

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 04/07/2017 10:12

When ds1 was little, we didn't co-sleep all the time, but did sometimes. One night I turned over in bed, and lifted ds1 over at the same time, carefully supporting his head. Then I woke up properly, and realised that ds1 was in his cot, and I had carefully lifted and supported the teddy bear.

TonicAndTonic · 04/07/2017 11:47

I once came out of the supermarket with a trolley full of shopping. I couldn't for the life of me get the car boot open to put the shopping in!

Eventually I noticed the number plate.

Not my car. Blush

ifigoup · 04/07/2017 12:50

I am trying to put the baby to sleep but I keep shaking with laughter and waking him up. He then looks bemused and laughs too, before devolving into sobs again as he is so tired.

GreatBigPolarBear · 04/07/2017 12:57

I'm sorry to bring down what is a very funny thread but do you think this is what it must be like to have dementia? Only more relentless? The early stages anyway.
I sometimes get that really confused thing when I very first wake up and think it must be horrible to be in a constant state of feeling like that.

Albadross · 04/07/2017 13:31

I poured my vodka and tonic into my bolognese sauce the other night. Actually didn't seem to ruin it either!

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