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What are your best Total Brain Farts?

269 replies

QuimReaper · 02/07/2017 14:58

DH has just come home from a weekend away horribly sunburnt and I was looking everywhere for the aftersun which I distinctly remember buying last summer. I was a bit distracted rushing around trying to find it, and then at down at my computer and opened a browser window, and after a moment it dawned on me I'd been about to Google it. Yes, I was about to Google where in my own house I'd hidden with the bottle of aftersun Blush

In the same vein, a few weeks ago I was at my desk rootling through my handbag when I realised I'd forgotten what I was looking for. It wasn't until I went back to my screen that I realised I'd been looking in my handbag for a file I wanted to attach to an email Confused Blush

Technology seems to absolutely flummox me when I'm a bit distracted! I'm forever getting out my Oyster card to try and get through my front door or my house keys to try and use the card entry turnstile at the library Grin Please tell me it isn't just me who does these daft things?!

OP posts:
Gingernaut · 02/07/2017 23:22
luckiestgirl · 02/07/2017 23:32

I'm baffled at these. You lot must not get enough sleep. Amazing.

EyeDrops · 02/07/2017 23:34

I've also tried to use my laptop like a touchscreen, trying to scroll a YouTube video. Oops.

Repeatedly use my car fob to try and lock/unlock the front door. I tried to use it to lock the door of a takeaway shop I'd just walked out of too Blush

IfeelFloopy · 02/07/2017 23:34

My Dad was the master at this! He would regularly try to dial out on the calculator and wonder why the phone was unresponsive. He would also try and change the channel with the house phone instead of the remote.

I have a couple of times been frantically searching for my phone...whilst being on it!

coldcanary · 02/07/2017 23:36

Wrote DD a note for her teacher to excuse her from PE, wondered why autocorrect didn't correct the spelling of a word. I actually sat there staring at the paper before I realised what I had done.
Baby formula in coffee is an oldie but goodie. Not that good for DH though, apparently it's not nice. I was very tired though!
I bought some bedding plants for the back garden, spent ages weeding the flower bed then threw all of my new plants into the compost bin instead of the weeds.
Moved the compost bin to a place that was easier to get to, the following day I fell over the bin and broke 2 fingers Blush

RaspberryBeretHoopla · 02/07/2017 23:44

I recently was talking to DH on the mobile phone. I put him on speaker phone and was cleverly multitasking and simultaneously using the phone to place an order for pizza delivery and in the middle of our conversation I said to DH, "Didn't you used to have a Tuesday special buy one get one free?"

numbmum83 · 02/07/2017 23:49

When I worked at a fast food restaurant a few years ago I would regularly wake up thinking my room was the restaurant and I used to get up and start picking up anything off the floor and start apologising to "customers" for the mess on the floor. Then I would wake up fully, and tell myself to get back into bed !

Recently I've been catching trains more often and everytime I get off I go to say thank you to the "driver" I have to tell myself "don't say thank you" but it feels wrong because it's what you do when you get off public transport lol

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 02/07/2017 23:52

with an ex we were meeting a few friends in a Chinese restaurant. They were already there ex dropped me off and pointed to the restaurant as he was going to go and buy some cigarettes

I went in sat down at the table by the window wondering where the others had got to, was disappointed they didn't have the moving table the ex said they had. Looked at the menu thought it was strange they also did Italian food still it was meant to be a really good restaurant and I preferred Italian to Chinese. Sat there for about 10 minutes wondering where everyone was and when they were going to bring the Chinese menu when I saw my ex standing at the window looking confused

The Chinese restaurant was next door - I had walked past it Blush

TabascoToastie · 03/07/2017 00:15

Did shopping the other day, got to checkout, no wallet! Freaked out thinking wallet had been stolen or fallen out of bag, and retraced steps home. No sign of it. Then I assumed the bloody pet rats had climbed into my bag and stolen it as wallet got covered in chocolate the other day (brain fart 1: don't put a solid block of chocolate in your bag on the hottest day of the year then leave it in direct sunshine for two hours).

Tore the house apart and was on the brink of cancelling all my cards when I realised I'd done some online banking the night before. My bank uses PINSentry (little machine you put your card in which generates a one-time PIN to access online account), and I keep it in an old chocolate tin along with my bank paperwork. Brain fart 2: Check the tin, and there's wallet!

LesserofTwoWeevils · 03/07/2017 01:46

Not me, but the immortal words "Angela Hernandez" come to mind...

KnitFastDieWarm · 03/07/2017 03:07

DH was having a WhatsApp conversation with a decorator earlier today about potentially doing some work on our house. Somehow, instead of typing 'when are you free to come round and give us a quote?' he accidentally opened his image folder and sent a GIF of a semi naked man dancing in lederhosen.
The decorator did not respond Grin

user1471457705 · 03/07/2017 09:13

KnitFast Grin Grin Grin

BlindAssassin1 · 03/07/2017 09:25

Whenever I attempt to flash someone angrily in my car, I merely set my windscreen wipers going furiously. It's never raining at the time.

LOL Grin Lobster. Yep done this. Nothing suggests my fury at another motorists stupidity than a thorough clean of my windscreen.

When the electric went out in the house I asked DP if I could still use the toilet. Confused

tccat · 03/07/2017 09:46

Text Dh to tell him he left his mobile at home
Answered the sky remote when my phone rang
Put coffee into a casserole instead of Bisto
Forgot to put jeans on and hung out washing in jumper, pants and slippers
Pulled down tights but not knickers when having a pee

VWVAN · 03/07/2017 09:47

I once tried to record a track from a record by standing the speaker in front of the record player instead of the microphone (1970's so trying to record onto a tape)

spiderlight · 03/07/2017 10:25

I recently tried to make a cup of coffee for DH by putting a teaspoon of Branston pickle in a mug and pouring boiling water over it. He didn't drink it.

Bluntness100 · 03/07/2017 10:31

God so many, the strangest one was putting the dinner in the oven, setting timer, going back thirty mins later and staring blankly at the empty oven wondering where the dinner was. Then searching for it in fridge and cupboards whilst repeatedly checking in oven that it really wasn't there. Then having to tell my family I'd lost the dinner and couldn't find it anywhere. Before eventually opening drawer under oven and finding it there.

BillyDaveysDaughter · 03/07/2017 10:50

GOLD. Furious windscreen wipers, lederhosen...snork.

Do you remember when some red wines came in a wicker bottle holder? I once thoughtfully inspected the base of said holder, turned it upside down and poured a delightful chianti all over the dinner table.

In a new job, instead of answering the phone with "Good morning, , Billy speaking?" I said "Good , morning speaking, Billy?" It was my boss calling in, he just murmured "impressive."

I confess I have idly picked up my phone to send a text to my dog (she's been poorly lately and I worry when she's home alone). Bloody stupid, she hasn't got a phone.
FastAbsorbingCake · 03/07/2017 11:11

floor cardigan that is literally the best thing I have ever read on here

Tazerface · 03/07/2017 11:56

Went to Tesco with mum recently.

After getting there and having a huff about a bit of bad parking, realised that neither of us had brought anything to pay with. As it was just round the corner, I hadn't taken even taken my phone so I could use Apple Pay.

I have sent too many conference call meeting requests with my home number or personal mobile number as the login - very embarrassing.

awesomeness · 03/07/2017 20:07

I regularly forget how old i am. To the point i had to fill in a form and forgot my entire date of birth.....couldnt work out how old i was, i had to text my 32.....i think

I always try to open my front door with my car keys, and have stood clicking my car button in front of the fridge wondering why it wouldnt unlock.....

I also do a lot of....."whats that smell?" Coz ive forgotten im cooking something

paxillin · 03/07/2017 20:12

I was looking for my tablet whilst holding, erm, my tablet yesterday.

DarkAngel1984 · 03/07/2017 20:12

Was going on a trip to Disneyland with my family. Didn't need to take much as it was a day trip. Couldn't find my passport anywhere turned the whole flat upside down and was really panicked as we had to leave in a few hours and if I couldn't go it would have been a huge waste of money.

With very little time to go before we had to leave I checked my bags for one last time and there was my passport sitting where it should be when I packed it being organised.

I didn't recall packing it at all.

Littlefrogger · 03/07/2017 20:19

Crying with laughter at these!
A few years back when my eldest who never slept was a few months old, i had nodded off on the sofa and my other half was feeding her. I woke up, leaned over and wiped HIS mouth with a baby cloth Confused he looked at me like I was crazy. Also forgotten mine and my children's D.O.B on more than one occasion Blush

Josephinelavelle · 03/07/2017 20:25

Trying to zoom in on small writing when reading a magazine
Also having a very very short split second thought about needing to text the cat.

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