Things you never hear a toddler say

[Kasterborous]

Following on from Sparkingbrooks thread about teenagers. Here is one for toddlers, as I don't have a teenager yet.

'Yes I will eat my food without plastering it all over myself/the walls/carpet/you'

'Yes I would love a banana instead of a biscuit'

'Of course I will continue to only draw on paper, even when you only turn your back for one second'

A nap? What a splendid idea. Now you come to mention it, I am tired, yes.

"Yes of course I washed my hands after going to the toilet"

Bedtime? Why what a fabulous idea.

You're right mum I do needn't hair washed and I won't complain about imaginary water in my eyes

"No of course I haven't just put my finger up my bum"

prompted by current events

I think I will try for a wee before we leave the house as it would be a hassle if I suddenly needed one when we are on the motorway.

Bedtime? Yes I want to, I'm feeling very tired.

Dinner time? Oh thanks Mummy, that looks delicious!

Get dressed now? Yes of course

Where are my shoes? Don't worry mummy I've got them just here and I'm putting them on RIGHT NOW.

It's very cold today. I think I should wear my mittens to keep my hands warm.

'Gosh mummy! Aren't your organisational skills impressive?

Absolutely put my juice in a soppy cup. I am just a bit too young to drink it out of an open cup without spilling like my big brother.

Sippy cup!

What puddle? Oh that one over there? Naah I think I'd rather stay dry, thanks.

Mud? Best not. This is a new coat.

I don't think I could manage pudding, thanks.

After reading some replies I should say that my DS does ask to go for naps and to bed straight after tea. It seems this is unusual!

I will sit here nicely and let you tidy up properly, and prepare dinner for everyone. I heard that some toddlers draw on the walls, empty drawers, secretly spit down the back of the sofa and empty toy boxes as soon as their Mummy's are not looking. Amazing!

Yes

You're right, I will tidy my lego so that you don't kneel on a bit and then cry. Again.

Yes of course I can wait a moment mummy.

Dangerous, you say? I'd better not touch it then.

I'd tired of hide and seek now, let's sit quietly for a while.

Don't worry, mum, take your time, I can wait a minute.

"I absolutely DO LIKE x,y,z..."

Its ok mummy, you sit down for 5 minutes. I promise I wont draw on the walls, feed the dog sudocreme or do a head first somersault off the sofa.

Ooh, not having everything completely separate on the plate? Go ahead. I'll eat it anyway as it will taste just the same.

"no thanks i don't want a cake"

"I'll wait patiently while you sort out the baby"

'Yes I agree the food on your plate is EXACTLY the same as on my plate. So I will eat my own food instead of all yours'

You're absolutely right mummy. I have had enough television for today.

It's no problem at all I am more than happy to wait for my sister to finish playing with the doll and then it can be my turn