Things you never hear a toddler say

[Kasterborous]

Following on from Sparkingbrooks thread about teenagers. Here is one for toddlers, as I don't have a teenager yet.

'Yes I will eat my food without plastering it all over myself/the walls/carpet/you'

'Yes I would love a banana instead of a biscuit'

'Of course I will continue to only draw on paper, even when you only turn your back for one second'

[ceeveebee]

Oh no please, go ahead and play with my favourite car, you like it more than me (from dd to ds or vice versa)

Mummy please sit down and drink that coffee before it gets cold, I'll just play over here by myself for a few minutes

[TheSkiingGardener]

Don't worry Mum, I know it's beyond my capabilities and you've told me not to. I won't do it even when your back is turned and I certainly won't do it, then tell you I've done it to steal the attention from my brother.

[gertrudetrain]

'Sorry mum. I know pissing on the floor at the co op till is out of order. I should have we'ed when you asked me to in the bathroom.' IWBU.

[VampyreofTimeandMemory]

"nah, walls are boring, I prefer to walk along sensibly on the ground."

[VampyreofTimeandMemory]

"I'm more than happy to get into my buggy - anything to make the school run as stress-free and quick as possible for you!"

[TheArmadillo]

Now you've acknowledged what I said I don't need to repeat it another 25 times

Yes, copying everything my brother says is annoying rather than hilarious and I will stop doing it immediately

You're right, socks are not the work of the devil that need to be immediately removed and hidden especially when we're running late for the school run

I am actually going to try my dinner tonight rather than immediately announcing I don't like it

If my brother says he doesn't feel well/has hurt himself or similar I am not going to shout over him that exactly the same thing is wrong with me and that I need medicine now and it's not fair that he gets it and I don't

I realise that I don't like dresses and certainly will stop demanding to wear the "dancing top" look at myself in the mirror for 10 seconds and then demand to wear normal clothes

I understand that if I don't like my hair in my face then having it tied up is a suitable alternative. Also that hair does need to be brushed and I don't need to act like it's an act of torture

You're right, not everything of mummy's is a "girl's thing" and I don't have the right to demand she shares it with me on that basis

I agree hiding one of other people's shoes is not funny and I shall refrain from doing it. The same will go for filling mummy's shoes with various small toys and crayons

[pixiestix]

Oh poor Mummy, is your back hurting because you are 8 months pregnant? I won't try to climb on you or throw random bits of crap

[pixiestix]

On the floor if its going to be agony for you.

[nickelbabe]

of course I'll stop scratching. it's not itching, it's just habit.

yes, I'll fetch my coat rather than crying because it isn't in my hands.

yes, I'll climb out of my carseat to get out of the car, I am not going to climb all over the car.

i'd like to climb the stairs.

yummy, rice and vegetables.

no thanks, ice cream doesn't appeal.to me

[TheOldestCat]

in response to being told he has to do something he doesn't like or stop doing something he does enjoy

"You're absolutely right, Mummy, it IS fair!"

[tolittletoolate]

Of course you can pick my clothes and get me dressed mummy!

[Mercapto]

I've not read the whole thread yet but for some reason I'm reading these posts in my head using the voice of Stewie Griffin......

[Kasterborous]

'I don't need to pick up every single stick I find and get really cross when I trip over the bigger ones'

[Kasterborous]

'Yes Mummy/Daddy I will come and get dressed/ have my nappy changed and not run in the opposite direction as fast as I can'

I've loved reading these. I can relate most of them to DD.

[meerschweinchen]

These are brilliant! Love this thread I can especially relate to fussiness over food not being quite right i.e broken etc, yet desperate to eat stale duck bread! Also the stick collecting, getting dressed and endless questioning!

[Kasterborous]

'No Mummy I won't insist you not only cut my grapes in half but you also peel them'

[LosingItSlowly]

"Here's your perfectly untouched lipstick that I found in the bathroom. I thought you might want it back."

"Actually, this repetitive banging noise must be annoying you. Maybe I'll play quietly instead."

[Kasterborous]

'I think I will listen to you and not insist in taking every single toy I own for my nap, then end up lying on them all and being very uncomfortable and grumpy'

[VampyreofTimeandMemory]

I actually read somewhere that it's recommended for grapes to be cut up for children until the age of I think 5!

[PotsofGold]

I will sleep through the night. All night, every night....

[GarlicLeGrenouille]

Whilst there are myriad things I want, I'm aware none are available to me at this juncture. Therefore, I am content with what I have right now.

I aspire to understand the intricacies of our world, both natural and man-made, and am aware that "But why?" represents an inadequate approach to such matters. Therefore I will wait until I can read howstuffworks.com, and find out for myself.

It is a given that we all must do some things we find distasteful during the course of our daily lives, Mummy. Like you, I just get on with it.

It must be very unpleasant for animals and people to have their eyes and ears poked! I wouldn't dream of inflicting such discomfort!

I shan't climb on this, or swing on that, until an adult has ascertained that it is securely fixed and contains no sharp or fragile objects.

It does rather hurt, thanks for asking! It's my own silly fault, though, I should have ascertained the security of its fixings.

Brushing my hair doesn't hurt! What an odd idea, Mummy.

[BagOfBags]

'Don't worry if the last biscuit we have is broken. I'll eat it anyway'

[kickassangel]

That super loud toymy grandparents gave me with a smirk on their faces? I won't play it before 8 am, and only for a few minutes a day.

No, I won't wait until you have the first hangover since I was born to figure out how to make the toy telephone ring and flash, then wave it in front of your eyes over and over and over again at 7 am.

Yes, I can wait quietly while you finish using the toilet. I won't unlock the door and run off into the shops leaving you with your knickers round your ankles and screaming for me to come back.

[hoppingmad]

We have to leave the park now? I'll come straight away and not have a screaming tantrum and throw myself in a pile of mud that you have to pick me out of and carry me whilst I writhe about like a raging eel