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Original poster

Things you never hear a toddler say

319 replies

Kasterborous · 22/02/2014 16:44

Following on from Sparkingbrooks thread about teenagers. Here is one for toddlers, as I don't have a teenager yet.

'Yes I will eat my food without plastering it all over myself/the walls/carpet/you'

'Yes I would love a banana instead of a biscuit'

'Of course I will continue to only draw on paper, even when you only turn your back for one second'

OP posts:
WillYouDoTheFandango · 22/02/2014 19:34

What's that mummy you're going for a poo? No of course I don't want to stand on your lap while you do it Hmm why would I? I'll stay here and watch Ben and holly.

What's that? A sandwich? The same as I had yesterday? Yes I agree, I did enjoy it. I'll eat it all up and not pound it to the thickness of a postage stamp with my water cup.

YeahBuddy · 22/02/2014 19:34

I know, I'll put some of these other toys away that I have finished playing with before I get some more out. That way the living room will stay nice and tidy.

Oh sorry mummy, I can see you're busy/talking on the phone/sorting out my brother, it's ok I can wait a few minutes until you've finished.

findingherfeet · 22/02/2014 19:36

Ahhhh my toddler is NORMAL Grin

AmberSpyglass · 22/02/2014 19:38

You're right, mummy, I HAVE been able to speak in full sentences for over a year now, ergo I shall endeavour to explain my needs using the English language instead of just making irritating whining noises and pointing at indeterminate objects. It will make both our lives easier.

missmapp · 22/02/2014 19:38

I can see you havn't quite finished having a wee , Mummy, so I won't open the cubicle door to show everyone your knickers.

Mercedes519 · 22/02/2014 19:44

cheesestraw I could do cheese with say a quince jelly/jam but strawberry? Each to their own but I should add...

"Of course mummy I remember I didn't like cheese and jam the other day when you caved in lovingly made it for me. So I won't ask for that again"

And just now she didn't say...

"Mummy you've had a long day so I won't shout very five minutes for the next hour because I've done a wee or can't find a toy that's on my bed or just because I need a cuddle. You need time to yourself"

cakesonatrain · 22/02/2014 19:44

Yes, it's probably best if I climb straight up the stairs rather than stopping to investigate nothing on every step.

Oh, that noise was a doggy wasn't it? I'll remember that for the next time it barks in 30 seconds' time. And the next time. And the time after that.

SpookedMackerel · 22/02/2014 19:47

Yes, you're right Mummy, I do make a bit of a mess when I try to tip the contents of my potty down the toilet myself.
Please do it for me and I certainly won't dream of having a tantrum and trying to wrestle it from your grasp.
And I agree that a floor length Cinderella dressing up dress and some big fairy wings is a touch impractical for the first stages of potty training. I think I'll just wear leggings instead.

WhoWasThatMaskedWoman · 22/02/2014 19:48

Oh never mind, I'll do it later.

TheCunkOfPhilomena · 22/02/2014 19:53

SILENCE whilst the toddler plays quietly on his own. Just for 5 minutes.

MrsPaddington · 22/02/2014 19:55

*WillYouDo' the sitting on lap whilst you are trying to poo thing-argh! I know!

Yes, mummy I will eat everything I asked for.
Oh that biscuit that's broken, I'll eat it anyway!
You know how I'm 4 now, well. I have decided to stop having tantrums. I can see how silly that is.

claraschu · 22/02/2014 19:55

Yes I would like to stay with a babysitter so you can go out without me.

themummyonthebus · 22/02/2014 19:56

Why is that man doing... Oh never mind, I've worked it out for myself.

HighlanderMam · 22/02/2014 19:57

I'd rather have water/juice than breast milk please.

Haahoooo · 22/02/2014 19:59

I know there's millions lots of trees along this street. I don't need to point every single one of them out, say tree, and await confirmation / compliments... ConfusedSmile

Zzzzmarchhare · 22/02/2014 20:01

No mummy, that word you said after someone nearly killed is in the car is obviously not a work I should say round tesco.

PhilomenaCunk · 22/02/2014 20:03

Of course you can strap me into my car seat, mummy. It would be terribly dangerous and silly for me to try to travel without it.

MooseBeTimeForSnow · 22/02/2014 20:08

Oh look, I broke this crayon in two. I'm happy to keep using it though!

Ledkr · 22/02/2014 20:08

Yes of course ill take off my upsi daisy suit and put on my pjs

AmberSpyglass · 22/02/2014 20:12

When you acknowledge what I've said I don't really need to repeat it over and over and over and over again, do I.

You're right, a breadstick broken in two does taste the same as an intact breadstick! I'll just eat it without comment.

Lavenderhoney · 22/02/2014 20:17

I hate getting up early.. I'll just have some milk and go straight back to sleep, if that's ok with you.

No, you're right mummy, I can't do up my own seat yet and its not helpful of me to insist I try and leave you in the rain whilst screaming and crying because its grown ups only who can do it up. And undo it.

You're right. taking that tiny and irreplaceable teddy out with gran without her knowing was a bit silly. I have lost it and its ok. I won't scream all night and refuse to go to bed.

Original poster
Kasterborous · 22/02/2014 20:43

'I never want to watch Postman Pat ever again'

OP posts:
HawkeyeInChaos · 22/02/2014 21:03

Yes mummy, I am listening to you and will do what you asked immediately.

You're right. We are in a hurry, so I won't insist on playing instead of getting ready and throw a tantrum if you try and stop me.

The medicine doesn't taste very nice, but I know it will make me better and it's important I have all the doses, so I'll have it without any fuss.

It's ok mum, I don't have to be first through the door.

The keys are kept in that drawer? Of course I'll leave them there instead of repeatedly moving them to the illogical place I want them to live.

StealthPolarBear · 22/02/2014 21:19

Love these

FrimpongDench · 22/02/2014 21:27

Yes I can remember where I put the tv remote control.