I made a complete tit of myself today and cannot stop cringing. Pat my shoulder

[Gatekeeper]

...and say "there there"

In meeting today and part of it was a discussion about personal illnesses or conditions each of us has/had. I mentioned that most of my family - female side has an underactive thyroid and that I have yearly blood tests as mine is slowly getting there. I said "Thyroid" about ten times

Only I didn't...

I said "prostate" and wondered why the rest of them were looking at me like this . I clocked what I'd said and said "No, not my prostate, my thryoid. I am actually a women, at least my husband thinks so" ending on a horrible, whinnying haw haw laugh that I haven't heard before.

Ended up doing a comedy wipe of my face, and knocked my glasses off, where they landed on the middle of the floor. I said "shite" when this happened and not quietly either.

Dear God...not one of them cracked a smile or reacted- just looked at me for a split second and then started talking about something else

CRINGE CRINGE CRINGE..I am squirming in my seat just thinking about it

[Fairychatty]

Mrswast..... That was soo funny .. I'm still laughing

[Chocolatestain]

A few years ago I was doing some temping as an agency support worker for adults with learning disabilities. One day I was sent to a day centre in an unfamiliar town and having trouble finding it, so when I saw a British Gas van I pulled over to ask the driver for directions. He explained that he wasn't local so couldn't be sure, but thought it might be near the school at the end of the road. He then asked if I happened to have seen a tack shop on my travels as he had found a bag of brand new riding crops in a hedge and thought he might be able to sell them. Without thinking I replied 'Or a sex shop'

Awkward silence.

I muttered my thanks and beat a hasty retreat.

I found the day centre and did my shift without thinking any more of it. When I returned to my car at the end of the day there was a note under the windscreen. 'If you fancy some fun with riding crops this weekend, call Dave on ...'

And before you ask, no I didn't!

[littlelady3045]

This thread has made me laugh so much my tea poured out of my nose.

Thank you all so much.

Neill James (I don't know how to tag) I think I love you and your misfortunes, as did the woman who had pissed herself laughing!

[Chocolatestain]

Loving this thread. Festive butt plug has become an ongoing joke in our household. Would like to point out that DS has only just turned one so presumably isn't being traumatised by mummy and daddy sniggering over smutty festive butt plug jokes.

(Oh God, what if his first words are "butt plug" )

[Catypillar]

Got into discussion with nurse at work who was going on about how doctors are supposed to be clever but really we can't tell our arses from our elbows and need the nurses to keep us right, I got a bit annoyed and started to tell her not to be so bloody patronising but somehow managed to drop my phone into my cup of tea at the same time, cue me shouting "aargh my phone's in my tea" and the nurse saying "well take it out then you idiot!" I removed it from the tea, took it to bits and put it on paper towels. Nurse took great pleasure in smugly saying "Dr Catypillar dropped her phone in her tea" to all who asked why there were phone parts sitting on paper towels.

[okthen]

My sister once went to the gym and for a swim with her housemate. Sis was going to work after the gym, housemate was going home, so offered to take my sister's gym bag home with her. Unfortunately my sister had packed not just her gym kit, but also her work dress and tights, into the bag. She had to wear just her coat, knickers and shoes on the bus to get back home and put some clothes on...

Same sister also got stuck in a tiny lift at work with her boss, panicked and fainted. Came round to find the lift doors open, a crowd gathered round, and her boss holding her legs in the air (apparently it helps to bring someone round- though looks pretty weird written down!)