I made a complete tit of myself today and cannot stop cringing. Pat my shoulder

[Gatekeeper]

...and say "there there"

In meeting today and part of it was a discussion about personal illnesses or conditions each of us has/had. I mentioned that most of my family - female side has an underactive thyroid and that I have yearly blood tests as mine is slowly getting there. I said "Thyroid" about ten times

Only I didn't...

I said "prostate" and wondered why the rest of them were looking at me like this . I clocked what I'd said and said "No, not my prostate, my thryoid. I am actually a women, at least my husband thinks so" ending on a horrible, whinnying haw haw laugh that I haven't heard before.

Ended up doing a comedy wipe of my face, and knocked my glasses off, where they landed on the middle of the floor. I said "shite" when this happened and not quietly either.

Dear God...not one of them cracked a smile or reacted- just looked at me for a split second and then started talking about something else

CRINGE CRINGE CRINGE..I am squirming in my seat just thinking about it

[CinnamonPorridge]

Hahahahahaaaa

Sorry, OP, that is just hilarious

Miserable gits. So much comedy wasted on them.

[CharlieAlphaKiloEcho]

Rhonda Wanker? How on earth did she get Wanker from Mark?

[CharlieAlphaKiloEcho]

Oh and "there there" OP.

(I bet one of them has written 'DRUGS??' next to your name on their notes though)

[MammaTJ]

I would have laughed at with you!!

[LineRunner]

Oh ffs I actually hurt laughing. Gatekeeper, you are wonderful.

[TotallyBursar]

I was just reading through thinking 'Well that's not too bad, every one gets words confused sometimes' and then I got to the comedy gold.

There, there. You sound great and they sound like arse parts for not taking the heat off you a bit. Comedy face wipe - that was genius I tell you - Genius.

[HappyJustToBe]

You sound brilliant. Them, not so much.

[NonnoMum]

sorry, but you've really cheered me up!

(I've got some corkers too - another time, one involves a loud drunken fart whilst vomiting in a restaurant full of people - I can't tell you about that, too embarrassing)

[lifesgreatquestions]

This is great OP, and so is the other poster's mother's genital condition! Thanks both for the laugh! And there there it will be alright, you clearly have a good sense of humour. I managed to throw my glasses into the lap of the young man sitting next to me on a plane recently. He was fine with it but I went into hysterical laughing. I felt a little silly after.

[MomentForLife]

Sooo funny! Don't worry what they think at work, sounds like they've all got the personality of a flea!

[toffeesponge]

There there

You poor thing .

I suspect no one said anything as they were not wanting to add to your by acknowledging you had done something embarrassing. What would have been better was if someone picked up your glasses for you and said not to worry, we all get the wrong word sometimes.

Poor your self a large .

[toffeesponge]

Pour, not poor. See I am so sorry for you I can't even get my words right.

[MimsyBorogroves]

Oh dear!

Maybe they were being very professional and then all wet themselves laughing when you left?

(I'm not sure if that's any better, but I'll post it anyway )

[eeyore2911]

Hahaha! Oh Dear bless ya! It does happen to the best if us... I had a job interview and had sat with my legs crossed for so long that when I stood up my leg was dead and I collapsed back into the chair and bounced off it onto the floor... This was after my carefully constructed PowerPoint presentation wouldn't work and I looked like a disorganised eejit needless to say I did not get the job... x

[QOD]

Did you at least say prostate and not prostrate? As that's pacifically what customers tell me they have (medical insurance)

[monal]

I laughed so hard the baby pulled off my boob and gave me a look of profound hurt.

[randomfemale]

Oh dear I am sitting here with tears of laughter streaming down my face. Thank you so much for sharing Gatekeeper here's some and a glass of and a HUGE pat

[Tabby1963]

'genital condition' 'William Shatner'

Gatekeeper, your thread has had me chuckling like mad for ages so that DH is concerned that I am having a fit lol.

[MamaLazarou]

The other people in the meeting sound like po-faced bell-ends.

[SugarandSpice126]

This is BRILLIANT. Snorting with laughter. Would have paid good money to be there!!

[Gatekeeper]

had some wine so feel a bit better...will be a different story when my eyes snap open at 3am!

I consider mysle wel pattd though

[Gatekeeper]

myself well patted...that looks like it was written in Middle English

[Taffeta]

I am crying with laughter

op

[Rollermum]

This thread is brilliant. I do this sort of thing a lot. I would share an example but I repress it all and if I try to think of one they'll all flood back at once and I'll cringe myself to death.

Oh no, here's one. I was trying to be good at networking at work and tried to say 'we are constantly dodging small children' because my office is near a place with lots of school trips. But I said 'we are constantly dogging small children'. And then I commented on the slip up because I feel it is best to acknowledge it. And no one laughed. Tumbleweed.

[Junebugjr]

That's a cracker OP. The miserable bastards.

During a very very serious training session for my job, we all got put into groups to discuss very serious stuff, everyone was on their best behaviour being very earnest including myself. While I was daydreaming about more interesting things, feeling mildly irritated at having to do actual work during some training, the trainer asked something along the lines of 'and where is this strategy heading now', and totally without any thinking I answered 'up my bum', which I'd meant to say in my head.
There was literally tumbleweed while everyone stared at me. I gave out some high pitched laugh in shock, making me look more mad. I've never recovered!