I made a complete tit of myself today and cannot stop cringing. Pat my shoulder

[Gatekeeper]

...and say "there there"

In meeting today and part of it was a discussion about personal illnesses or conditions each of us has/had. I mentioned that most of my family - female side has an underactive thyroid and that I have yearly blood tests as mine is slowly getting there. I said "Thyroid" about ten times

Only I didn't...

I said "prostate" and wondered why the rest of them were looking at me like this . I clocked what I'd said and said "No, not my prostate, my thryoid. I am actually a women, at least my husband thinks so" ending on a horrible, whinnying haw haw laugh that I haven't heard before.

Ended up doing a comedy wipe of my face, and knocked my glasses off, where they landed on the middle of the floor. I said "shite" when this happened and not quietly either.

Dear God...not one of them cracked a smile or reacted- just looked at me for a split second and then started talking about something else

CRINGE CRINGE CRINGE..I am squirming in my seat just thinking about it

OP .

and the other posts Ive read

mine was today, I opened the front door to someone knocking , and I had a fez on my head (waiting for Dr Who, DC dressed up!). id forgotten as its so comfortable.

suitably embarrassed and door knocker (theyd got wrong house) didn't know where to look!

at LetZ. That would have made me smile at you ,not look embarrassed

OP I was the embarrassed one . and later went to bed with it on! only realised when I put my head on pillow and it fell off!

good thing I sleep alone!

any woman who can carry off a fez is just fine with me

Thats just it, gate. I CAN'T !! more tommy cooper than Matt Smith .

hope you've gotten over your embarrassment now.

At work one day talking about names with three others. One (although I didn't know this yet) had a surname that rhymes with Vader. Let's say Bader...

Someone mentions the name Darth Bader and I immediately guffaw and bark through my laughter "what idiot actually named their kid Darth Bader? How the actual fuck would someone think that was a good idea?" While continually laughing uncontrollably.

Noticing the stricken looks around me I realize I've done a bad thing and dry up. Then want to crawl in a hole when she says "in the 19 years of his life I have NEVER had someone be so rude about my son's name!" And then she flounced.

Cringe. Although I still think his name is fucking ridiculous!!

Who the fuck calls their child Darth no matter what the surname is!?!?!

raef I would have had to laugh, even if it was my son you had just insulted!!

after leaving a horribly long uncomfortable silence of course

ah Letz I love Tommy Cooper; I once met him and his wife on holiday when I was little. His tie kept of growing and growing until it was touching the floor. My dad was in hysterics and Mrs Cooper had this long suffering "seen-and-heard-it-all-before" face on

oh you lucky thing Gate meeting TC.

Darth Vader? even I wouldn't inflict a name like that on my child and Im a sci-fi geekette!

Thank you, that made me laugh so much

Sorry, YOU performed with style - they on the other hand my dear behaved like a bunch of miserable a*holes - just laugh it off :)

I once swapped the word tuna for sex - as in...

can I have a sex sandwich please

to the guy working in a cafe - thankfully it was a hospital cafe, so he took it in his stride

My friend works in a school which has a church next door. She had taken a new member of staff over to the church to show them how to switch on the organ because she was going to be using it in a church service. The organ was very old and had several switches that needed turning on before it would work.

On the way out they met the elderly priest
"hello father" she said "I hope you don't mind, I was just showing Mrs X how to handle your organ correctly"

Friend and colleague realised what she had said and stood horrified while genial priest replied "it is a bit of a beast, isn't it"

Surely to god it was Garth Bader?
Which is pretty bad, but not quite as terrible as Darth Bader!

No, his name really is Darth! I got a lecture about how it's a lovely traditional Norwegian name and they didn't even think the Darth Vader similarity would be noticed!

At my best friends dd's Holy Communion she was opening her cards and presents. She opened the card from her nan, which contained a hefty cheque. Her dad took it and said "We will put that in your savings account". I then gave her my card which had (less) money in. As she opened it I said to her "don't save this, buy yourself something nice - like drugs" to an 8 year old - in front of her v posh, elderly gran...

I'm not sure why I said that, I meant to say dress... I've never taken drugs . Thank goodness everyone saw the funny side... (Except my BFs mum!)

i am dying here. i keep interrupting husband's footy watching to snort and giggle some of these at him.

mtbmummy i am crying at you falling into a dustbin.

many years ago, a very handsome man who i had fancied for ages offered to walk me home from the pub. i was VERY drunk (and more than a little stoned) but managed to keep it together until we got back to mine.

it was going swimmingly until i needed a wee. i stood up and headed for the door to the stairs. my housemate had bought a new telly and the massive, empty cardboard box was against the wall near the door.

as gravity got the better of me, i turned and smiled winningly at the handsome man, and fell helplessly into the cardboard box.

by the time i had managed to climb out again he had let himself out.

mrsWast. He didn't help you up? What a cad.

It bloody buggery isn't a lovely Norwegian name!! I Googled "Darth" earlier in case anyone else had every actually had it as a name and got nothing. Now I've Googled "Norwegain names Darth" and still got nothing but Star Wars references. I tried as many weird spelling as I could think of.

She as a deluded loon!!!

I was asked to help out in a different department at work as they were short staffed. The very senior member of staff stood up from her desk and lent forward a bit. I promptly slapped her hard on the arse!

We just stared at each other in horror.

i'm fully trained in Norwegians and none of them are called darth!!

I know it's not a Norwegian name She only tried to convince me it's some hale and hearty passed down the line Norwegian family name because it was clear how stupid I thought it was

that's hilarious.

'i know it's a ridiculous name. i know, i'll pass it off as being....norwegian! yes! nobody knows any norwegians - i will surely get away with this!'

I was working in the University library one day and it was really busy because it was coming up to exam time so every seat taken. I started to yank my folder and the folder fell on the floor and everyone looked up as it made a bang and as it came out, out flew a rogue tampon (an old fashioned one so large with applicator) which went flying about 10 feet away and then rolled under the desk with 6 rather good looking male posh blokes sitting at it. Everyone just stared. No-one made any attempt to pick it up so I had to go up, excuse myself and crawl under their desk to get it back.

I was absolutely mortified being about 19.

I have also unwittingly worn a plastic tiara on my head for nearly a whole day until someone in Sainsbury's asked me was I a real princess.

Tobias, if it makes you feel any better, I once went to dinner in college wearing a teacosy. Had stuck it on my head to keep warm in freezing bedroom and forgotten about it...

That does help thanks. I think a teacosy is way worse than a tiara.