I made a complete tit of myself today and cannot stop cringing. Pat my shoulder

[Gatekeeper]

...and say "there there"

In meeting today and part of it was a discussion about personal illnesses or conditions each of us has/had. I mentioned that most of my family - female side has an underactive thyroid and that I have yearly blood tests as mine is slowly getting there. I said "Thyroid" about ten times

Only I didn't...

I said "prostate" and wondered why the rest of them were looking at me like this . I clocked what I'd said and said "No, not my prostate, my thryoid. I am actually a women, at least my husband thinks so" ending on a horrible, whinnying haw haw laugh that I haven't heard before.

Ended up doing a comedy wipe of my face, and knocked my glasses off, where they landed on the middle of the floor. I said "shite" when this happened and not quietly either.

Dear God...not one of them cracked a smile or reacted- just looked at me for a split second and then started talking about something else

CRINGE CRINGE CRINGE..I am squirming in my seat just thinking about it

[Lancelottie]

I tend to agree

[Crumbelina]

Ooh, Classics and so it should be. This thread is hilarious!

[Areyoumymummysnet]

God why did I click on this before bed? pmsl.
I've posted this before but a friend of mine was filling time at the end of class playing pictionary. of course year 9 boy draws a cock. She got cross and instead of saying put away your BOOKS said "put away your penis"

[YesAnastasia]

That's hilarious! I literally lol'd & I never actually do that.

[mosp]

I'm a bit late, but I have a zip wire story:

When I was a young teen, I went on a youth camp. On the first day we all got to have a go on the amazing zip wire. It was really long, and you had a climb a big tree to get to the beginning of it. Each of us took it in turns to climb the tree and whizz down the wire as the others queued and watched from below.

My turn came. I climbed the tree, positioned myself on the 'seat thingy', held on with both hands and launched. Unfortunately, a branch caught hold of my skirt and it came right off. I was powerless to prevent it. In that split second, I realised I had only two choices. They were: a) open my legs and keep the skirt from falling to the ground with my ankles, or b) close my legs and let it drop (and then have to walk back all the way to the tree to collect it). I chose a.

[captainmummy]

Mosp - so what happened? Did you plummet out of the tree ? Or hang by your hands all the way to the bottom of the zipwire, legs akimbo?

[LCHammer]

Mosp - that sounds like a classy descent.

[LittleAprilShowers]

I have what I am convinced is a medical consiti

[LittleAprilShowers]

I have what I am convinced is a medical condition in which I either laugh hysterically or make some lame ass joke when someone divulges bad news. But this by far has to be the worst -

Saw an ex colleague on my lunch hour who'd retired 6 months earlier. I said "Oh hello Arthur how've you been?". He replied "Not good, I've just lost my wife". I said "Oh well maybe she's in Woolworths?"

I would love to explain this abomination. But I just can't!

[LCHammer]

Lots of the examples on here are about people losing their cool and doing or saying something out-of-character under stress. There must be some explanation as to why we sabotage our chances of success.

[TooTabooToBOOOOO]

Brilliant thread!

Many years ago I went to stay with a friend in Ashton-Under-Lyme, Manchester way. I was 18 and they were mid to late 20's. I was eager to impress but very clumsy and always knocking mud drinks or dripping food down myself

So, we head out for a night on the tiles. As we are walking along we come across an on-location tv shoot, Band of Gold. They were in-between takes and we needed to walk through the scene. The main characters were there, Barbara Dickson, Cathy Tyson etc.

The runner (or such like) told us we could go through but to hurry. The cast were sat to one side of the path, we had to walk right past them. My friend turned to me and jokingly whispered "do not fucking embarrass us" I was highly offended, I am calm and dignified grown-up.

The laughter when I tripped up and stumbled spectacularly in front of the cast was frankly uncalled for....

[TooTabooToBOOOOO]

*knocking over

[BigToesofFrog]

Oh god OP. I feel your pain. I can't be trusted in any kind of meeting or social situation at all - so much so that I actually went freelance and work at home. I can edit my emails carefully before I send out any utter bollocks. If I talk to a client on the phone I always end up either gabbling or being awkward, so I try to avoid it. I'm actually cringing today about some terrible gabbling I did yesterday - uuuurrgh.

Once a work colleague (when I was working in an office) asked me "how are you getting on with Xxx". Xxx was the name of my boyfriend at the time and tbh it was on the rocks so although I thought it was quite a personal question, i regaled her with the details of my relationship woes. 5 minutes in I saw she was looking at me in horror and realised she meant Xxx, the client we had both been dealing with....

Another time a very self-deprecating (and let's be fair, annoying with it) colleague asked me if the brief I had prepared was an "idiot's guide" because she would need it. Without stopping to engage brain I replied "Well it depends how much of an idiot you are." She was massively offended and I had to grovel for weeks.

[TheHeadlessLadyofCannock]

HOWLING with laughter and very glad I'm not at work! Particularly at William Shatner, 'Tim speaking' (I might answer work phone calls thusly from now on; I too am female) and 'once, twice...'
'THREE TIMES A LADY'.



OP, I think they were a roomful of miserable buggers. Surely most people would have had a laugh about it?

[DidoTheDodo]

Thank you, all of you for making me really, really laugh while sitting at my desk. Doesn't often happen.
Will now answer the phone with "Tim speaking" for always. It'll be like an MN code for recognising one another!

[zannathetrainer]

My DH forwarded me his invitation to the office party with a sweet email explaining that he had to go to the *** thing because his @@@@@ boss has insisted, though he knew it would be very dull. Unfortunately, he hit the reply all button. Super red face. And the entire office laughing at his expense. As well as his supportive wife.

[Brevitybabe]

Could have been worse - your skirt could have been tucked up in your panties !

[Artemisia48]

Awww don't I know the feeling dear Gatekeeper. I thank you a million time for starting this cathartic conversation. This week, I went to the hairdressers and asked for a cut and blowjob (instead of, well obviously, a blow dry). No comment. I am a woman (mid forties) and my hairdresser is a nice young lady who giggled just a little but I am certain that this was awarded Joke of the Day (month? Year?) And that they were in stitches when I left. And I will forever be the Lady who asked for a BJ in that salon. (Insert mortified look here). I must be strong and silence my pride as they have been colouring my hair for years now.
Still. Ouch.

[maniccats]

This has made me cry with laughter. One of my own awful moments:-

Iwas at a publishing conference abroad, waiting with some colleagues for the bosses to arrive. I was leaning back resting my elbows on the desk behind me. As bosses arrived, I went to stand up properly but my metal heeled stillettos slipped from under me and glided across the marble floor, gracefully depositing me on it.

[nouvellevag]

I told my boss that his Xmas card design looked like a festive buttplug. This was years ago and I still want to die.

[Dayshiftdoris]

I haven't laughed this much in ages and ages...

'Up my bum' was my favourite.

Unfortunately when I am nervous / talking to professionals / breathing I have a habit of saying what I am thinking without applying a filter...

My most recent was to my son's head teacher. We were having a fairly serious conversation about an issue and I heard myself say..
'I was going to say he could charm the knickers off a nun... But that's not very appropriate...'

Tumbleweed moment to say the least

I have form... The more serious the issue and formal the meeting at school the worse it gets...

To a teacher who couldn't 'see' my son's ASD - 'Yeah it's frustrating that they don't tattoo their foreheads with 'autistic' anymore'

And

'Well it's about time these professionals shat or got off the pot'
The poor SENCO nearly needed resuscitation as she completely lost her composure.... I was a bit bewildered as to what was so funny

But by far the worst was at work... I went out to call the patient, had a mental blank and opened my mouth to shout what her presenting complaint...

'Rectocele'

The God of stopping you from making a twat of yourself stepped in and I merely closed my mouth again only uttering a grunt... The whole waiting room was looking at me expectantly but I high tailed to the station and got someone else to call her in...

Not safe to be let out

[dottybooboo22]

Hilarious!!! Why is there not a "like" button for this page"????

[dottybooboo22]

While going on a tour of Russia when i was in a girls choir, i managed to trap the man in front of me on the plane, in his seat...it sort of folded up on him ( while i was leaning on the back of it.) When i realised what i had done of course i apologised, it was then that i realised it was the same man i had got in the back of the ankles with the trolley back at Heathrow. I swear he visibly blanched when we saw each other a little later leaving Moscow airport!!!

[ladypanbanisha]

I was chatting to the nice lady on the self scan check out in Waitrose. My lips were dry so I was holding my Burt's Bees lip balm to apply when I had finished and was gesticulating with my hand. The nice lady fell silent and was looking at my hand, I had been gesticulating with a Lillett.

[whereiseveryone]

Ha ha! Who cares?

That would have raised howls of laughter from the management team in my old job. They were a cruel bunch...

You need to have more meetings with people with a sense of humour. That lot sound iike a bunch of corpses...