Hmmmm? If there was an MNtrance exam, what would the questions be?

[ChaosTrulyReigns]

1. Are you able to understand irony?

a. Yes
b. No
c. Maybe
d. I never irony - just give it a good shake when it comes out the machine
e. All of the above
f. None of the above

fruitshoot anyone?

You can park in a P&T space if

a. you have children
b. you have children with you
c. you should never miss an opportunity to prove your parenting superiority by expertly marshalling your children out of the car and across the car park with no fuss, single-handed.

In 500 words or less, describe the advantages and disadvantages of a 'Ramekin Intervention'.

Boden prints are only suitable for pre-schoolers. Discuss.

Discuss social mobility. Your answer should include two or more of the following:

1. ff
2. fruitshoots
3. sausage rolls from well known bakeries

Put apostrophes in the correct place for the following statements:

1. My MILs a bitch.

1. Are Greggs sausage rolls acceptable for a childs packed lunch?

1. My husbands a twat and Im shagging the window cleaner.

Using your logarithmic table, explain the judgy pant height ratio to the following transgressions
a) allowing a child to wear sparkly shoes with heels. (Additional 10 points if you can include a reference to 'Hooters' in your answer)
b) Discovering that a friend you believe to be on benefits has been sighted in Waitrose.
c) A 75 year-old woman has had the audacity to tell off your darling 6 y.o. PFB for covering her in tomato ketchup in the condiments aisle at Sainsbury's. (Marks will be deducted for swearing)

What are "huns" and "lol" ?

a) Never heard of them

b) The work of the Devil and completely banned in my life

c) A friendly form of punctuation

1. How many pieces of tupperware do you own, and where do you keep them?

a) None, I only ever eat McDonalds and Greggs

b) Too many to count, and they all fall out of the cupboard every time I open it. I'm not sure why I'm keeping them but they'll come in handy one day

c) under 10, all with matching lids and neatly stacked

1. Do you have a Zombie Plan? Is your OFR packed and ready to go?

The Daily Mail is:

a) the work of the Devil
b) a damn fine read
c) the cause of at least 50% of MN threads

Place the following in order of outraged disgust felt:

a) Mooncups
b) Toilet brushes
c) Showering Daily
d) Not Showering Daily
e) Fruitshoots
f) Wank socks/crispy sex towels (use of and position on floor of both)
g) Wearing shoes indoors
h) Anyone who has made different life choices to your own.

If the mother of a primary-school aged child, do you know BY HEART the colour order of the National Curriculum book bands?

Fruit question - choose from one of the following:

A: Give examples of when it would be acceptable to eat grapes in a supermarket before they have been paid for.

B: Give examples of when it would be unacceptable to eat grapes in a supermarket before they have been paid for.

C: What if I don't buy grapes but feed my DCs from the pre-cut fruit before it's been paid for?

Decoding question. Do you understand what is actually meant when people say -
A) possibly the most well known school in the country
B) boisterous
C) truckers
D) never evr wera anythnig under white trouses excetp a tampno

Someone has used the last of the pearl barley.

Was it

1. You
2. Your DH
3. The nanny
4. There is no end to the pearl fucking barley.

make sure you add 'does he watch alot of porn?' onto as many threads as you can.

What do you do with your used tampons?

a) Flush them down the toilet
b) Pop them in the bin kindly left in the bathroom
c) Wrap them and put them in your pocket to dispose of later
d) I use mooncups

How much do you spend on the DC at Christmas time?

1. Over 100 pounds
2. Between 50 and 100 pounds
3. Between 10 and 50 pounds
4. Under a tenner
5. Nothing. I knit them new scarves out of dog hair and they share one tangerine.

What is poo x poo x poo?

Excellent one!

Yeesh: I don't think I'd be allowed in on this basis

1. Am I being unreasonable?

a) Yes b) No c)

1. Do you own a lavatory brush?

a) Yes b) No c)

1. Do/did/will you breastfeed?

a) Yes b) No c)

Compare at least two theories about the existence of Cod, and explain how these theories influence mumsnetters.

Ramekins, can you ever have too many, discuss.

You should always read the thread thoroughly before posting, discuss and use examples.