Hmmmm? If there was an MNtrance exam, what would the questions be?

[ChaosTrulyReigns]

1. Are you able to understand irony?

a. Yes
b. No
c. Maybe
d. I never irony - just give it a good shake when it comes out the machine
e. All of the above
f. None of the above

Complete these phrases

1. Shopping lists should be left in the ----
2. Nice ---
3. Leave the ---
4. It is should have not should -
5. I could never - out my children to be raised by --

Note : the number of dashes does not represent the number of letters

Using the time frame of 4 to the biscuit discuss the etymology of the verb 'to parp'.

Before I loose weight my g&t DC must go to a grammer or independant school.

Or must they?

Points awarded for degree of dudgeon and/or continuously misspelling BLOODY OBVIOUS WORDS that the thread has used, correctly spelled, 20 times already.

Fill in the blank space, and then giving reasons for your choice, write a paragraph each on the following:

If I could be any mumsnetter it would be ......

If it is in the Daily Mail, it must be ......

Chilli-chopping and mooncup adjusting are ......

What do these acronyms stand for?

LDC
BWA
HTT
VSC

Garlic cloves are:

a. an essential ingredient in hummus
b. foreign muck
c. not a good cure for threadworms when applied anally

talkin out yer arse is available to many if not all on mn
discuss

On a scale of 1-10, how disgusted are you by this?

Would just like to point out that I would never have looked at the above pic if it hadn't been for MN.

Practical exam

Perform a flounce of no less than 10 minutes. Marks will be awarded for:

1. Use of correct spelling and punctuation.
2. Number of u-turn performed (bonus points for double and triple salko toe-loop u-turns).
3. Quality of swearing.
4. Number of exclamation marks completed to the required standard.
5. Artistic merit and interpretation of the music.

Is it wrong that I actually want to do this exam?

Is it wronger that I have gone and found a pencil and paper?

Home Economics: Give the recipe for Lemon Drizzle Cakes. Extra 10 points if you have an added twist that makes it even more delicious.

Art and Design: make a red rug, or other design from Smileys.

the answer to - 'how many meals for 4 people can you make out of a standard sized chicken' is 'more then 3'

TRUE or FALSE

Do you call your DD's visible genitals her:

a) Flower
2) Tuppence
iii) Fanjo
d) Fanny
fw) We only use the correct technical term for every body part so of course we say vagina
vjj) it's LABIA then you twunt

List 10 holiday companies or theme parks where you can spend your Tesco Clubcard Points

Write 200 words on why you only shop in Waitrose and wouldn't set foot in Tesco if your life depended upon it.

List these shopping experiences in order of desirability and give your reasons:

Greggs
Waitrose
Lidl
Asda
M&S Per Una
M&S Food
Ocado
Boden
Aldi

Name 10 products you are currently boycotting.

When does the annual Official Shoe Boot Season start ?

a)Feb
b)Aug
c)May

It's wine O'clock you are;

a) Outraged, disgusted & outraged. Don't you know this country is awash with alcohol & you lot sit there with your idiotic wineglass smileys, your bad language & your florid complexions. It's all one big bloody jokes isn't it. You won't be laughing when you keel over & your liver explodes. You mark my words etc etc etc.

b) Jut waiting 'til all is quiet on the Western front then going to pour myself a nice large glass of gin/wine/cough mixture.

c) Hic.

Art and Design section:

Design a home suitable for the average MN'er.

You must include at least three of the following:

Laminate flooring/brown leather sofa/'Billy' bookcase/twig-lights/Cath Kidson mugs.

You may refer to IKEA or John Lewis catalogues but marks will be deducted for excessive use of the Argos book.