Hmmmm? If there was an MNtrance exam, what would the questions be?

[ChaosTrulyReigns]

1. Are you able to understand irony?

a. Yes
b. No
c. Maybe
d. I never irony - just give it a good shake when it comes out the machine
e. All of the above
f. None of the above

do you call random strangers on the internet 'hun'

do you believe everything you read in the Daily Fail/Sun/Sport

do you post in text speak

all of these would be automatic exclusion with polite link to another site (nm)

obviously people with crap grammar and spelling like me would be ok

Compare and contrast any of the following, and then decide they are the exact same thing:
a) private schools and fruit
b) Nazism and any point of view you disagree with
c) A Labour voter and a Communist.

Creative Writing Task.

Write a short story based on one of the following titles:

The Day I Lost The Hair Booble Plate.
Christmas with the In-Laws.
Zombies Come to Town!

Credit will be given for use of paragraphs.
Marks will be deducted for use of so-called 'txt spk'.

discuss,is it an abdication of ones personal responsibility to do as online strangers tell you

When my baby cries should I pick her up:

1. As soon as possible.
2. Immediately - to prevent cortisol damaging her brain.
3. After I've finished posting on MN.
4. Once I've checked what she who must not be named thinks.
5. Why the hell did you put her down anyway - have you not heard of slings?!

good questions.
I think i'd just about pass.

Get the phrase 'leave the bastard' into as many threads as possible!

Creative writing:

Please write, in less than 200 words, a believable 'trolling' OP.

Additional marks will be given for use of the following:

Non use of paragraphs, grammar and punctuation

Hinting towards being a regular namechanger ( points awarded for referencing famous MN threads)

Contradictions within the OP

"Mumsnet - just words on a screen?"

Discuss.

Val - you'd get no marks for that, becuse a genuine troll (and therefore believable made-up troll post) would never hint towards being a name changer or reference old threads.

When age is ok to leave your child home alone for 2 minutes

A. 25
B .12 ,as long as they have your mobile phone no
C. never, SS should be informed
D. Always, I was left alone to look after my siblings from the age of 6 ,it never did me any harm

what*

If you see someone smoke outside, do you:

1. Lurk around them giving an irratating cough.
2. Tut and flap your hand about while glaring at them.
3. Start the 1 millionth thread on MN because you know there's loads of

anti smoking nutters people out there who will gang up on anyone who dares to admit to smoking.

1. None of the above

Your DH bought pom bears with the weekly shop. Should you:

a. Thank him
b. Send him back for a refund
c. Leave the abusive bastard

At what age should children be required to help out around the house?

A) never, they are previous flowers whose every whim should be pandered to.
B) as soon as they can gum a dishcloth - my kids work for their keep.
C) girls from 5, boys never.

Lady - add
5: breathe in deeply.

Name 5 MN quiches. Extra points for naming posters who have flounced from them.

I thought this was a test

nickelbabe, thanks.
You're right.
I'd be a 5 but I'd be the smoker
(looks around nervously) They can sneak up on you everywhere

eulogise and big up mn of yore as much as you can
i'll get you started its not like the ole days no siree

Match up the following:

Toxic.................................Dave

Cock................................... MIL

Leave the..........................Cunts

Judgey..................................SIL

Shiny................................Lodger

Shiney.............................Bastard

Bonkers..............................Pants

I like those matches as they are!

what do you do if

1. asked for peer reviewed evidence
2. assailed by a spelling pedant
3. called a troll
4. asked if youre a newbie
5. told to leave the bastard