Hmmmm? If there was an MNtrance exam, what would the questions be?

[ChaosTrulyReigns]

1. Are you able to understand irony?

a. Yes
b. No
c. Maybe
d. I never irony - just give it a good shake when it comes out the machine
e. All of the above
f. None of the above

How many ways can you cook Pearl Barley?

1. 3+
2. one or two
3. I tried it once, but I didn't inhale
4. Pearl FUCKING Barley, don't you mean?

Which is the correct term?

1. Extended breastfeeding
2. Natural term breastfeeding
3. Can't be bothered to get them to stop breastfeeding
4. Bitty

My dh wants me to hoover naked whilst he takes me from behind. Is he

a) Controlling and abusive
b) Free and playful
c) Acting out childhood issues
d) An arse

The nanny served your child an M&S pre-prepared lunch. Do you

1. Consider your child lucky to have got something other than fruit shoots and greggs
2. Not consider it an issue
3. Fire the nanny IMMEDIATELY and look into filing child abuse claims

Cobb vs. Cadac

Discuss

Explain the difference between ham and nice ham in 300 words or fewer.

Your husband has left his pants on top of the washing basket, rather than inside it, for the millionth time. Do you:

a/ leave the bastard, he's abusive

Explain, in no fewer than 500 words, just how gifted your child is. Extra marks will be given for (a) comparisons with other children (b) spelling mistakes in your own submission.

It's your very first post, outline in graphic and unnecessary detail a gruesome sexual practice in which you partake, but find mildly troubling.

Your DD has not been invited to a party but the rest of the class have.

Do you

a) Shrug and forget about it
b) Take her out for a special treat
c) Post on MN

Your child has a runny nose. Do you:

a) Send them into school or nursery and tell them to 'man up'
b) Give them some Calpol and let them veg on the sofa with Cbeebies all day
c) Dash straight to A&E, demanding to be seen immediately, as it could be anything

You have discovered your husband spoke to a woman last week. Do you :

(a) assume he is having an Emotional Affair
(b) give him the benefit of the doubt but keep him on a close watch in future
(d) start looking through his briefcase for condoms
(e) file for divorce
(d) think nothing of it?

Children at Weddings? Discuss.

MI - that is fab

A friend has invited you to her wedding but has requested that no children are present, and wants donations to a honeymoon fund in lieu of presents. Is the correct response to a) politely decline the invitation, b) think "her wedding, her rules", or c) have Mumsnet diagnose her with Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

Match the following threads to the board on which they should be posted:

Thread

Another Mum looked askance at my DC. Am I wrong to think her child will grow up to stamp on puppies?

My child is 3 and can count their toes. What should I say to the nursery to make sure they nurture this talent?

What do you think of Calpol as a name for a baby girl?

Board

Gifted and Talented

Baby Names

AIBU

NOBDIE -what on earth is that? Some sort of secret gang speak??

A dog walked quite near your child in a park. Do you

a) Kick the dog and demand its immediate destruction
b) sob hysterically and post on MN about lil bubs in public places
c) whistle a happy tune and admire the native wildflowers

Ha ha! to all of these.

Which of these is the most offensive username

a) Mummyhunnybunny
b) Mummy123
c) Anyfucker
d) Kuckingfunt

Do you think the whole world gives a crap what your opinion is about anything?

Do you let visitors walk on your floors in shoes?

Rank these words from least offensive to most offensive:

Shit
lol
Cunt
Hun
Bubba
Twunt

Are you being unreasonable?
a) Yes
b) No
c) Maybe
d) How dare you suggest that
e)

Am I being unreasonable
a) Yes
b) No
c) Maybe
d) Of course you are how could you think otherwise
e) You should have said that in the OP it's too late to add extra information now

I know it is only Tuesday, but has to be done...

Have you ever:

a) Had Bumsex

b) googled "dragonbutter"

c) traded a blowjob for new shoes

( All things I learned about on MN!)