Hmmmm? If there was an MNtrance exam, what would the questions be?

[ChaosTrulyReigns]

1. Are you able to understand irony?
   

a. Yes
b. No
c. Maybe
d. I never irony - just give it a good shake when it comes out the machine
e. All of the above
f. None of the above

[KenDoddsDadsDog]

Mumsnet law.
The use of which word will incur you a fine and potentially imprisonment in netmums:
A) Manshape
B) Lol
C) Hugz
D) All of the above

[KenDoddsDadsDog]

Economics
Which of the below would NOT be considered a useful purchase?
A) A weaning net
B) A Lakeland steam mop
C) Dior nude foundation

[whydobirdssuddenlyappear]

Using fewer than 100 words, explain what a mouldie is. Then burn the answer, and Never Speak Of It Again.

[whydobirdssuddenlyappear]

Where do you normally keep your garlic?
a) in a pot on the kitchen worktop
b) in the fridge
c) ready minced from Waitrose, in the freezer
d) up your arse

[spiderslegs]

You two year old correctly identifies a dog, do you;

a) Immediately enrol them on a G & T programme, arrange for MENSA testing.

b) Say, 'well done dear, it's actually a horse'.

c) Call a home tutor without delay, their peers would have named it by its Latin name, quietly suspect developmental issues.

[tinkgirl]

Geography:
The location of MN island is?

Ethics:
The most humane way to kill a Zombie is?

Language:
Getorf has a massive crush on which 'fit bloke from work' nationality?

[iWILLdothis]

Explain your understanding of the following icon, giving examples of its appropriate use:

[spiderslegs]

You find an empty fruitshoot bottle in your child's bag after school you ;

a) Remove child from school immediately, call OFSTED, ensure school is placed in special measures.

b) Bloody well should have, you put the full one there this morning along with his cheese string & Gregg's sausage roll.

c) Think, ah well, one won't hurt him.

[spiderslegs]

You have a bit of a whiffy fanjo, do you?

a) Remove the mooncup you had forgotten you inserted three weeks ago, anyway all fanjo smell is natural & lovely.

b) Blast immediately with all fanjo products known to woman, autoclave for good measure.

c) I have no fanjo, I am a male troll you bunch of repulsive harpies.

[Suncottage]

My DD is an indigo child and speaks to angels. I am home schooling her.

Should I follow the Kundalina school of teaching?

Zen philosophy?

Tantric hippy woo and knitted yoghurt school of thought?

She hates maths and science so I will omit those. She is special and will save the earth doncha know.

She has grown her own garlic from the age of 2 months.

[Suncottage]

My SIL is getting married and my DDs' are bridemaids. SIL has chosen a colour for their shoes I disagree with should I;

Beat her up and boycott the wedding whilst breaking my DDs' hearts?

Boycott the wedding and break DDs' hearts?

Get the whole family to boycott the wedding and they all beat her up?

Accept the shoes and attend the wedding and smile with pride at DDs looking beautiful?

Attend the wedding but wear jeans in protest and glower all day?

WWYD?

[ComeIntoTheGardenMaud]

Question 347.

You have joined a thread discussing the most effective and environmentally-friendly way to remove limescale from bath taps. How many times can you mention that you and all your friends went to Russell Group universities and your DH got a double first from Cambridge?

[scottishmummy]

brag and gag
youve mentioned russell grope degree,salubrious home
and no one asked you that
but oh so casually you blurted it out.along with hatred of media degrees

[elinorbellowed]

Your husband wishes to go away for a weekend. What is your response to this?
a) Let him go and make sure he pays for you to have a spa weekend sometime.
b) Huh, he can do like, whatever, we're not attached at the hip you know. I'm not one of those pathetic women who needs a man around all the time.
c) Tell him no. Weekends are FAMILY TIME!
d) Sob hysterically until he changes his mind.

Child-free weddings are:
a) joyless
b) impossible for me to attend
c) held by people who will realise how awful they have been once they have their own children
d) The absolute right of the couple to do whatever they want

Which of the following are appropriate behaviours for a PIL*? (tick as many as relevant)

1. Buying too many presents.
   
2. Not buying any presents.
   
3. Buying Disney presents.
   
4. Cutting grandchild's hair.
   
5. Putting grandchild to sleep in too many clothes.
   
6. Not putting grandchild to sleep at all.
   
7. Moving house next door without asking
   
8. Telling racist jokes
   
9. Comparing grandchild to it's cousins.
   

10.Kissing grandchild.

*The term PIL can be replaced by ExH.

[UndiscoveredApprentice]

Love love love this thread.

[Suncottage]

A man in a garage just called me 'dear'?

Should I get him arrested?

Beaten up?

Post a thread on MNs?

Smile at him then wink and pout?

Say thanks, pay and walk away because you really don't really give a monkey's chuff?

[motherinferior]

Your best mate is getting married to her partner, with whom she's already got two children. Are you:

(a) breathless with excitement about her Special Day?
(b) horrified at her capitulation to the patriarchy
(c) pleased by her pragmatism in sorting out the logistics if one of them dies
(d) worried for her, because obviously if he really loved her he'd have married her before kids?

[scottishmummy]

woman with shaved armpits
1.is she anti-feminist
2.strumpet
3.a good ride
4.my nan

[BitOfFun]

Group posters on this thread into categories based their pubic topiary habits.

[travailtotravel]

Classics, please MNHQ

[petisa]

My exhuberant puppy of a ds wishes to bring a huge supersoaker to a party mainly comprised of girls in pretty frocks with no supersoakers. AIBU to think this is a fabby idea?

Spooning while bf - hippy dippy lurrvliness or you twisted sicko?

Finish these phrases:

river of __
cube of __

[passiveaggresive]

with regards to ali's post

Have you ever traded a blow job for a pair of shoes?

Nup, i sold myself out for a bigmac!!

[Suncottage]

My cat has just pooed in her litter tray. I have shot her.

Can't be too careful she might venture outdoors..................and then your children might die.

Also, my neighbour's dog looked at me and drooled. Will he eat me and the DC's?

[scottishmummy]

hehe bigmac for bj.classic
1.do you suck harder for extra fries
2.swallow,think of the golden arches
3.after liberation by the mn chatteratti leave and join a mooncup commune
4.think thats last time i get gobby on mn

[ComeIntoTheGardenMaud]

Question 622

Your partner has come home tonight with a large bunch of flowers for you. Should you

a) Throw partner out and change the locks, as this is clearly a guilt offering after some unforgivable indiscretion
b) Throw partner out and change the locks, as you realise that this gift represents the commodification of women under the patriarchy
c) Throw flowers out, as they clash horribly with your decor
d) Throw flowers out, as they are not organic and possibly even imported
e) You are a modern and independent woman and can buy your own flowers, thank you very much
f) Say "how lovely" and put the flowers in a vase