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Original poster

I feel so so bad. Warning: graphic. Do not look if squeamish.

186 replies

ABitWrong · 17/07/2009 21:56

I am not doing very well atm and am struggling to contain self-destructive urges.
I want to cut my arms, my legs, my face, everything.
I want to empty the kettle over myself.
I want to smash my head and my limbs.
Anything, anything to stop me feeling so shit.

Does the fact that I am mostly resisting these urges mean that I am in fact okay? Isthis what okay is supposed to feel like?

And the suicidal thoughts keep creeping in. Thoughts of ODing, running in front of a bus, jumping out of a window.
They come so suddenly.
What if I can't resist?

OP posts:
skinupyacunt · 17/07/2009 21:57

No
Call the Samaritans now. There will be a local crisis number you can call too. Please do call them

cornsillk · 17/07/2009 21:59

You need to call the Samaritans right now. Please call them.

blissa · 17/07/2009 22:00

No this isn't what okay feels like

Please talk to the Samaritans

Hassled · 17/07/2009 22:02

Here

HolyGuacamole · 17/07/2009 22:04

Yep, Samaritans. Just do it.

You are resisting and yes, that is good. However, you must deal with these thoughts. Call them and do it now. You know it makes sense.

HERE, call them NOW!!!

Flgihtattendant · 17/07/2009 22:04

The fact you have resisted is great. They are just thoughts and you don't have to do the things they suggest. But they would tend to indicate some unhappiness within yourself.

It needs addressing, once it is addressed they ought to go away.

Please talk to someone tonight - any helpline or the samaritans or someone who can make sure you are safe.

Flgihtattendant · 17/07/2009 22:06

Also you may find they are worse when you have been drinking coffee, alcohol, etc etc/ any stimulant can cause panicky feelings like this.

You mustn't be frightened of the thoughts and I sense you are not, you know they are just thoughts, not real.

that is all good.

EachPeachPearMum · 17/07/2009 22:10

Do you have a MHcrisis team?
Please call samaritans, or email them if talking isn't possible.

Are you on any medication at present?

dollius · 17/07/2009 22:13

If you go to A&E, they can call in a community crisis team immediately.

These feelings are not normal. They are not your fault. You are ill. Please call the Samaritans or get to casualty and say you are suicidal.

EachPeachPearMum · 17/07/2009 22:15

Is there anyone to be with your children?

Original poster
ABitWrong · 17/07/2009 22:17

I can't phone. Will email.

No, no crisis team. Have been referred to CMHT but not been told what to do in emergency.

Not on medication.

Thank you.

OP posts:
watsthestory · 17/07/2009 22:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
ABitWrong · 17/07/2009 22:18

I am here. Not just me. But I have to pretend to be normal.

OP posts:
kidcreoleandthecoconuts · 17/07/2009 22:18

Yes don't bother going through the samaritans. I fyou can get to A&E they will get you a psychiatric referal. These are not normal feeling that you are having although lots of people do feel like this at times. Please get help.

EachPeachPearMum · 17/07/2009 22:33

Do you have anyone you can talk to when it gets bad?
How long has it been like this? It is hard to live with on a long term basis- how long will it be until CMHT (community os that?) appointment?

Original poster
ABitWrong · 17/07/2009 22:38

I am worried that I will piss people off becauseI haven't been really okay for a while. It must get tedious to hear about.

Next appointment September. I have been assessed twice and referred on.

OP posts:
Maninadirndl · 17/07/2009 22:42

Fact that you came on here is a good sign babe.

Loads of lovely ladies here to talkyou down but I reckon you need a doc most of all. We all get the blues (and sometimes very badly) so you're not alone.

Listen to the sweet ladies here who can help you more than me, and take care.

EachPeachPearMum · 17/07/2009 22:48

september is ridiculous! MH care is a disgrace tbh- so under-funded, and yet 1 in 4 will have need of support or treatment at some point [grr]

Friends don't get pissed off because you need help or a shoulder to cry on- thats what they're there for.

HolyGuacamole · 17/07/2009 22:51

Yep, that is what friends are for, to listen and help if you need it. Listen, it is great that you posted on here. There is no reason to suffer in silence and we're not having that ok?!!

What do you want to do? Do you want to talk it out?

Original poster
ABitWrong · 17/07/2009 22:52

september because I can't do anything over the summer without saying where I am going

OP posts:
Original poster
ABitWrong · 17/07/2009 22:53

i dunno

OP posts:
EachPeachPearMum · 17/07/2009 22:55

You know, you have friends all over- even ones that you don't know about. Lots of people on here care about you.

HolyGuacamole · 17/07/2009 22:59

Each peach is right y'know.

Original poster
ABitWrong · 17/07/2009 23:06

well I recognise you eachpeach, but I am wearing a different hat

this week has been one of thehardest ever, and it is still going on

OP posts:
Maninadirndl · 17/07/2009 23:09

Can you ladies pls give her at least some kind of link to some kind of help or a phone number?

I think the babe here isn't quite so ill or she wouldn't be on this forum. But she needs UK help. Pls do so.

Take care there and get help.