I crossed a line today and it has scared me but I also feel less scared

[Nabster]

I am hiding in my room as the ILs have popped round.

I am scared to tell anyone as once I put it on here, everyone will know and I don't know if there is anyone on here who knows me in RL.

DH says I have to ring the Doctor tomorrow but I know I won't.

Not being deliberately annoying, just very scared.

what did you do nab?

so dh knows?

NAB .

yes, he knows.

you can report your posts.

it's good he knows. you do have to ring the doctor tomorrow. pref you'd ring samritans tonight.

(((((nab)))))

oh nab

{{{{hug}}}}

no words of wisdom, not in the right frame of mind to be at all helpful but just wanted to add my support and shoulder to cry on.

i find the only thing that can bring me back from that point is to think of my childrens lives if i were to do that to them. it's kept me from doing anything too drastic so far.... not thinking 'oh they'd miss their mum' because if you're in that frame of mind you think 'they'd be better off without me' but to honestly try and imagine what it would be like for them to be the kids of 'that woman who topped herself' the hurt and anger and pain that would cause them and how it could damage their mental health.

get thee to a doctor asap

this is a warning sign to yourself and to your Dh that you are seriously unwell, the fact you did not carry it through and are telling people, does indicate you do want to be helped to stop

don;t pretend it did not happen

don't not tell the docs etc

you must be totally hoenst with them and yourself to get hte right treatmnet

I think it has really scared DH.

It has scared me too that I am no longer afraid of dying.

why now nab?

i thikn you are afraid, and that is good as it has stopped you taking the next step , i would seriosuly consdier phoning the samaritans now or your doc or presenting at A&E as you are suicidal. you need urgent help whilst oyu are in an acute phase of your illness.

posting abotu it is good as it means you are involving people and want to be helped, but you need real life help immediately

Sorry, why now what?

No not tried before.

Felt nice and calm tbh.

I am going for a bit now.

Thank you.

there's a whole life beyond how you feel now you know nab, i promise.

take it easy x

i'm off to bed, but there's always someone here to listen if you need it. catch you in the morning.

you ok Nab, with you if you need. I'm still in Therapy (now 5 months), felt great 2 weeks ago now feel it's all getting too much.

Don't know if I can be bothered going to therapy tomorrow. But I must.

Nab get help you will get better it does take time.

Thinking of you

nab how are you feeling today?

I went to bed and listened to a CD my husband had downloaded for me. Couldn't tell you much about what was said on it though. Feel strange today. Thank you for asking. Have got bits done. Feel calmer but also about you know what and scared how easy and fine it seemed.

I think my GP will say to wait and see what the psychiatrist says. I think she is ringing me on Wednesday.

nab you really do need to call either your psych or your gp and you need to do it today.

x

No GP there until 4pm.

I am not trying to be difficult, I just don't see the need to tell them when I won't try again.

I am looking forward to bed time though and listening to my hypnosis cd.