I crossed a line today and it has scared me but I also feel less scared

[Nabster]

I am hiding in my room as the ILs have popped round.

I am scared to tell anyone as once I put it on here, everyone will know and I don't know if there is anyone on here who knows me in RL.

DH says I have to ring the Doctor tomorrow but I know I won't.

Not being deliberately annoying, just very scared.

Think it is highly unlikely you will come across someone you know. But if you do, remember they are in the same boat as you, with the same worries.

Just let them take care of you - it's time someone else did that now. And get better.

Sorry about memories of your mother.

Currently getting in a state as I will have to park a fair way from where I am going and it will be dark walking back to my car I am 37 for goodness sake!

Try not to worry, Nab. You will be fine.
Let us know how it goes at the meeting.

I will, thank you.

DH is coming hom eat 5.30pm to give me time to get ready and go. DH will have to put the kids to bed so I am hoping DS2 behaves. Last night I went up to bed and he was asleep on the landing. Again.

Hope all goes well this afternoon Nabster. Might you be able to get someone to walk you back to the car afterwards, if you're worried?

I'll probably ring Dh on the way back so at least talking to him can take my mind of the walk. It is only because I don't know the area very well. Still need to find exactly where I am going.

Guess what?

Psych still not rung...

Your psych is fecking out of order! What is the point in all that training to be a CPN if you don't actually give a toss at the end of the day?

The meeting will be good. It'll help you to feel less alone, less isolated and you may even make a few friends. You never know, one of them might have parked near you so you can walk back to the car with them.

Good idea to call your dh just after your mtg, I'll often do that if I'm out somewhere on my own, in the dark. It does take your mind off the walk.

Best of luck. Be honest, be open with them all. You'll feel a whole lot better after!

Feel very silly about being bothered about being out in the dark on my own.

Why? It's a normal reaction. You'll be somewhere you're not familiar with, on your own, in the dark.

Don't put down all normal reactions to depression. You start a thread asking about walking in an unfamiliar place in the dark on their own and plenty of Mumsnetters would happily admit to finding that prospect scary.

Thanks.

This is someone who ran away from a job at about 20 and walked the streets of London at 3am trying to get home.

That 20yr old is still there you know! You've just hidden her under layers of emotional baggage, but if you strip it away, that confident, stubborn and impulsive girl is still there!

Any news?

No. Still early though and tbh I am not expecting the psych to ring. Kind of think I am doing htis on my own.

How was the meeting Nabster?

It was okay.

I was getting vibes from the woman next to me. I think talking about my mother had set things off with her and I felt really bad about it. I did apologise but S had asked me.

Nabster...you recently posted on my thread (under another name) saying I could e-mail you.........

I am so sorry you are going through this. Nobody 'deserves' it but you are a good soul and it is sad to read you are in such a hard place.

I hope you are soon in a place of healing and strength and I wish you all the best. Will not mail you for now...it would not be fair, but take care..xx

If your full posting name starts with an L and ends in a N, please do email me. I would love to chat and trying to help someone else helps me stop thinking about me.

thank-you.

You haven't emailed me.

I am here for a bit.