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Original poster

I crossed a line today and it has scared me but I also feel less scared

194 replies

Nabster · 15/03/2009 09:48

I am hiding in my room as the ILs have popped round.

I am scared to tell anyone as once I put it on here, everyone will know and I don't know if there is anyone on here who knows me in RL.

DH says I have to ring the Doctor tomorrow but I know I won't.

Not being deliberately annoying, just very scared.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nabster · 20/03/2009 17:42

Sausage rolls were really yummy.

Had another episode of getting myself in a state after school but just hanging on for Dh coming home which should be in about 40 minutes.

Thanks for asking.

The doctor never rang.

OP posts:
systemsaddict · 20/03/2009 17:58

Nabster, is the meeting on Monday with MIND or with the psych? with her on your behalf by the way, I don't think she has yet grasped your situation, sometimes dr.s need things spelled out for them in words of one syllable.

Hope you enjoy the DVD - DVD nights with my dp are now the replacement for our social life! Did you get your 2 hours peace this afternoon?

Original poster
Nabster · 20/03/2009 17:59

Monday is with the MIND people.

No idea if or when I am seeing the psych again.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nabster · 20/03/2009 18:00

Just pottered about while DS2 slept.

I am ready for my bed tbh.

OP posts:
systemsaddict · 20/03/2009 18:21

I bet you're shattered. MIND should help clarify things for you regarding the psych, she should be more professional imho. Hope you have a good evening and an early night!

Original poster
Nabster · 20/03/2009 18:25

I am absolutely shattered. I can barely keep my eyes open some afternoons.

DH is home now and will put the kids to bed and make dinner.

I feel very cross with the psych and have little faith now tbh.

She seems very young and made the assumption I wouldn't try again. I guess she would argue I didn't, I just wanted too. Just as bad ime as I would have put my house on never trying.

OP posts:
systemsaddict · 20/03/2009 18:54

I guess the charitable interpretation is inexperience, but don't lose faith in the mental health services in general. There is excellent help out there too, but sometimes it takes a little while to get to the best person or service, but you will - you deserve the best care.

Original poster
Nabster · 20/03/2009 19:01

Been years......

Just exhausted with everything.

OP posts:
dollius · 20/03/2009 20:07

Not surprised you are so exhausted, Nab. You have had a horrid shock and you are going through a very debilitating crisis at the moment.

I agree your psych has been useless. I had much better care, and you have been unlucky with her. Don't lose faith, and hopefully MIND will help you better.

I know you think you should keep busy, but actually this may be putting further strain on you. Make sure you rest and take it easy as much as you can, try to relax and give yourself a break. Your family really needs you to get well now, so you must look after yourself.

Are you having trouble sleeping?

Original poster
Nabster · 20/03/2009 20:20

I sometimes take ages to go off to sleep, wake up in the night, wake too early for the loo and just wish I could sleep for 24 hours.

I am meant to be going shopping on my own tomorrow but I usually just end up missing |DH.

OP posts:
dollius · 21/03/2009 06:47

I've been taking temazepam recently from time to time, just to get some sleep (finding sleep a struggle at the moment). My GP prescribed them for me.

I've found they really help me sleep but don't stop me waking for the children in the night (which is good as I am on my own a lot at the moment). I wouldn't be able to drive in an emergency, but am on very good terms with my neighbours who would help if necessary.

Perhaps consider talking to your GP about the sleeping? Sometimes just getting some rest can help you cope a bit better with feelings of anxiety and depression.

Have you seen your GP about all this at all?

Original poster
Nabster · 21/03/2009 07:50

dollius The GP refused point blank to give me anything to help me sleep. The psych said she didn't see anything wrong with it but I am losing all faith in her to be honest and just listening to my hynosis CD and having warm milk before bed.

OP posts:
systemsaddict · 21/03/2009 08:16

Nabster are you currently on antidepressants? Sleep disturbances are a classic symptom of depression (that chemical imbalance again). One of my friends had PND which manifested itself first primarily as insomnia; the GP put her straight on low-dose antidepressants and it sorted her sleep right out.

systemsaddict · 21/03/2009 08:17

the ironic thing was her baby slept through from 6 weeks and she was lying awake next to him!

Original poster
Nabster · 21/03/2009 08:28

Yes and I have been for the last 2 years and before that too. On a high dose at the moment as need them. I just feel tired all the time and it is boring.

I am off shopping now.

Thanks all.

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dollius · 21/03/2009 14:37

That is really frustrating, Nab. I really hope you get some better advice on Monday, it sounds like you have had a bad run of doctors.

I have always received excellent care, and it is an eye opener to see that this is not always so.

Will be waiting to hear how you get on on Monday. In the meantime, try not to put too much pressure on yourself with anything - I mean anything. Don't do lots of housework, don't worry about the kids watching too much TV, just give yourself a break.

Original poster
Nabster · 21/03/2009 16:56

My GP was great at first and really seemed to understand but just lately all I have had is things will be easier when DS2 goes to school and then I should get a job.

He said weeks ago he would ring the HV to come round but nothing.

He said counselling wouldn't help, I then had one session - the guy gave me the creeps - and now he won't let me see the new person.

I just don't know what to think about the psych not ringing. No idea when she next will or what is going to happen when she does.

I have had more help from MIND to be honest after Rhubarb's link (thanks poppet)

It did me good to go out on my own for a few hours today (even if most of what I was bought was for the kids and DH!)

OP posts:
rockmemum · 21/03/2009 21:11

Nab..I just clicked on this thread by mistake. I don't normally come into this chat area. But I'm glad I did. One more person out here thinking about you and sending you love hugs and positive happy thoughts.

Remember hon, you are part of this universe just like all of us. We need you.

hang in there...x

LEMAGAIN · 21/03/2009 21:39

Nab - email me! flypusher............ namechager

Original poster
Nabster · 21/03/2009 21:48

I have

OP posts:
dollius · 21/03/2009 23:31

Nab, it doesn't make any sense. Most GPs fall over themselves to recommend counselling, rather than just be perceived as pushing drugs on people all the time.

The fact is that counselling probably would benefit you, as would some help to get some sleep!

As before, just am hoping you get some sense on Monday and things start to really progress for you.

If you are feeling at all anxious or over-stressed the rest of this weekend, just get on here and get some support. I will look in as often as I can.

Thinking of you masses.

Original poster
Nabster · 22/03/2009 10:39

Thank you dollius.

Keeping busy.

I always hate Mother's Day as it is a reminder that mine didn't give a toss about me and then I feel guilty that she is probably having a rotten day too.

I got some lovely cards, chocolates, dvd from Dh and Just pottering atm. Chicken in in the slow cooker for tea, the boys are mowing the lawn (all 3 of them), dd is on the computer and once I have sorted out pud I might go shopping for an hour.

The psych still hasn't rung...

Mixed feelings about tmws meeting. What if there is someone there I know? It won't be a friend as I have none but wouldn't like anyone I know from school to see me there.

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systemsaddict · 22/03/2009 15:03

You sound extremely well organized Nabster! I know what you mean about Mother's Day. Hope you got to have a nice shop.

What sort of a meeting is it, that you are worrying you might see people you know there - is it like a support group meeting, or is it more of an information meeting with a MIND representative?

Original poster
Nabster · 22/03/2009 16:20

It is with a MIND rep first as it is my first time and then in a group with half a dozen or so other people.

OP posts:
systemsaddict · 22/03/2009 17:02

Oh that's good, so you will be able to raise any concerns you have with the rep first.

The family member I mentioned before who went through similar experiences had several years of seeing psychologists and psychiatrists before there was much difference at all, then when he started going to a support group he got significantly better within weeks. It just made all the difference for him talking with other people who actully understood from the inside what he was going to. But he loathed the idea of going before he actually did, because it felt much more open and less private.