Think I'm going psychotic again

[NotQuiteUsual]

It always starts the same way, thinking the kids are fake. I dont want them to talk to me or touch me. So im hiding in the bedroom so they dont notice. DH is running the house for me.

Im so upset and scared, where have my real kids gone? I feel like my medication is poisoning me but I have to keep taking it. I know if I stop taking my meds I'll be fine, but im not allowed to stop.

I'm scared, ive been seeing more moving shadows and things lately too. I just feel like I thought i was doing so well but maybe im not. Maybe ive been struggling more than I realised. This is how it feels when the psychosis starts up. I dont want to get sick again. What do I do? I see my cpn on Monday, so thats good. Id call crisis team but I dont want to kill myself or self harm so they won't want to see me. I'm clueless.

I am glad she was nice. Appointments like that can be exhausting. Just focus on what you do feel able to do.

Im supporting my friend at an appointment today(she knows what's up and im there for emotional support) we both are autistic and suffer delusions and together we find it all hilarious. So itll be great to have a laugh. My friend is dental phobic so I go to all her appointments and stroke her leg.

Shes the only friend who doesnt act weird when im ill, she's amazing and seeing her today will be great.

She sounds like an amazing friend. It’s great you can be there for each other.

Hope you have a lovely day with your friend. Have you managed to take your diazepam yet?

We had a lovely day. I decided not to take my diazepam this morning to see how i did. I actually feel a lot better for it. Ill still take this evenings dose, but here's to hoping the distress has passed.

Thats great news @NotQuiteUsual - it’s such a privilege to be able to help a special friend through a difficult situation.

Just wanted to reach out and and say be kind to yourself. Keep keep telling the crisis team honestly how you are feeling and what you are struggling with. I hope you get the support you need.

Glad you’ve had a lovely day and have been able to take to meds tonight.

Speak to your gp. You wouldn’t be fine without your meds, you’d likely go deeper into psychosis. You need to speak to a doctor ASAP.

I think the OP knows that, @raisinglittlepeople12 - she has been doing her best with this illness and knows she feels better when she takes them. (Unless you are actually medically qualified to help?)

I walked the dog this morning which was nice. Woken up feeling a bit overwhelmed but nothing like it was. Crisis team aren't visiting today but im off to see thr psychologist later.

Needed diazepam this morning. O take it after the school run so im not foggy headed with the children. But it was tough, my son was really giddy and wouldn't stop going on and on. The girls were easier but it still was just too much. Im trying really hard to reintergrate into family life but its hard. But im needed and I just have to get on.

You are doing so well OP, you should be really proud of yourself ⭐️

I’m glad you managed to walk the dog and that you are seeing psych later. You are so self aware and you’re doing so well.

Glad you're feeling better. I'm off my antipsychotics atm and the other day I had a few weird symptoms. I overheard someone say my son's name and then someone else shortly after saying "better safe than sorry" and I got a little paranoid and tried to call him but the call kept disconnecting. And I felt really worried till he called me. I don't know if this is a symptom or just a normal worrying moment

@ThatFairy are you off them under medical supervision? Have you spoken to the professional responsible for your care?

@Wolfiefan no I was having really bad side effects but the psychiatrist refused to change the medication. I've missed my last appointment as I don't trust him for other reasons and I don't want to see him again

You need to see someone @ThatFairy that is not a medication you can just stop.

I’ve been following your thread and think you are doing really well. I’m on antipsychotics currently but coming off soon and I’m dreading it. You seem to have a good support network which is really positive.
Well done x

I know but there's something wrong with my psychiatrist. He treats me weirdly. I'm planning to look into how to get someone new. Even if he was normal the side effects are intolerable and he wouldn't change it

Psychiatrists are a special kind of strange. My MH team discharged me so “I don’t become dependent” lol.
They are all crackpots.

I was discharged while in a psychotic break and telling them so

@ThatFairy the side effects are so rough and really do make life tough, but you dont wanna come off them without medical supervision. It'll make reality all sorts of things at once if you do. I wish I could send my psychiatrist to everyone, he's lovely and he never tells me I'm wrong, he always believes me.

But definitely get yourself to a medical prescriber you can trust and get back on meds. They stop reality unravelling into something beyond mortal comprehension.

@ThatFairy don’t plan to look into it. Contact someone today. It’s urgent.
@NotQuiteUsual wouldn’t it be good if your psych could at least teach others how to do the job!!

Psychiatrist today in the afternoon. Crisis team at a random time. So lots of visits today. I felt super bad after my psychology appointment yesterday but ive woken up ok. Walked the dog, taken meds and best of all not thought about anything.

I'm just not sure what to do. He seems to be the one in charge of the CPNs and receptionists at the clinic. I don't know how to get in touch with his superior