Think I'm going psychotic again

[NotQuiteUsual]

It always starts the same way, thinking the kids are fake. I dont want them to talk to me or touch me. So im hiding in the bedroom so they dont notice. DH is running the house for me.

Im so upset and scared, where have my real kids gone? I feel like my medication is poisoning me but I have to keep taking it. I know if I stop taking my meds I'll be fine, but im not allowed to stop.

I'm scared, ive been seeing more moving shadows and things lately too. I just feel like I thought i was doing so well but maybe im not. Maybe ive been struggling more than I realised. This is how it feels when the psychosis starts up. I dont want to get sick again. What do I do? I see my cpn on Monday, so thats good. Id call crisis team but I dont want to kill myself or self harm so they won't want to see me. I'm clueless.

I just realised whybthr appointment was off. The lady was scared of dogs so I shut our dog away for the appointment, cos basic courtesy. Usually she sits at my feet and I stroke her which keeps me calm. I was super agitated and stressed because I didnt have the dog. So she probably saw me differently than other professionals have.

Would she have been ok if the dog was with you but on a lead? Sounds like your dog really helps you. (I know mine does help me.)

No she was proper scared of dogs and it probably wouldn't be fair to expect her to work with one so big right in the room with her. But its a big team snd I doubt I'll see her again. The dogs a big help, her fur feels really nice and touching it helps me stay calm while talking about my mh.

We're going to walk down to the Premier Inn the in laws are staying at and have breakfast soon. The kids love Premier Inn breakfast. I could do without it, but the walk there is through a nature reserve so its very nice.

If you cut them and they are real though it would be a very traumatic and potentially dangerous thing to do to them and it would probably break apart your family. How long do these episodes usually last ?

Yeah im scared of breaking them if they're made of paper and if im wrong itll be really scary so its loose loose which is what ive been telling everyone I work with. My.cpn says its just an intrusive thought and my autism makes things get stuck worse. But who knows. She also said crisis team arent great with psychosis which i apparently have. My cpn, psychologist and psychiatrist are all from the psychosis team so I take their opinions as the truth. Everyone has a different opinion and cos I see so.eone different every time I dont know if im coming or going.

Well an intrusive thought is an unwanted one without any urge or consideration to carrying it out.

You're being so brave and it's great you are talking about it even on here with us. I had my last psychotic episode about a year ago and I know it can be sheer hell

Hi!
If it helps, I'm definitely real as Im having a monster period. I sometimes wish I could be a robot and stop bleeding so much, but drat, Im a human and I have lots of blood. So does everyone in your house! They need their blood to work properly. If they were robots they wouldnt need to wee and poo either, but I bet they are all doing that 🙂
Can you crochet ducks and chickens? I need a lovely crochet white runner duck. Would you make me one at your cafe? I love your jellyfish 🪼

I can only do jellyfish at the minute my brains too scrambly to follow patterns and its what I have memorised. Im knackered after the in laws visit. Im dreading the meeting about long term support next week. I dont get what it means. Do they want to put me in hospital to sort my meds? Or do they just want to ensure thr community mental health team take me? Ill ask my cpn tomorrow but im still stressing now.

When I was really ill last year thinking my family were out to harm me and I was keeping knives in every room and saying I wanted to harm them, they said I didn’t need hospital so I think you’ll be ok.

Your case is quite different though @PurpleLovecats. You said on another thread that they didn’t believe you were psychotic and they thought you had a personality disorder and were just attention seeking.

It’s not different initially. I’ve had 6 sections where I was diagnosed psychotic prior to my last episode.

But you were telling the OP she wouldn’t be hospitalised based on your experience last time

Which is the same experience I’ve had multiple times. It’s hard to be admitted these days.

I think my psychiatrist didn't believe me either for some reason. I ended up getting sectioned

Well it all sounds like admission is unlikely then!! Im lucky my psychiatrist not only believes me he had good discussions with me about my beliefs and was really interested. I wish I could share him with you all.

I ran out of rainbow wool finally. Here is the Jellyfish army minus one i gave to a particularly nice lady from crisis team.

Todays crisis team meeting went so well they're not visiting till Thursday! Woohoo!! Although the group meeting between them and my psychosis team might happen before Thursday anyway, who knows.

They are amazing!! I’m still plugging on with my easy blanket. So glad the meeting went well. What are you going to make next??

You’re doing really well, thanks for keeping us updated x

I went to my support group for neurodivergent and mentally unwell people today. It was great but I should have left way earlier im so cmfrazzled, attempting the school run with half a brain now. But Im actually excited to see the kids not annoyed.

Glad you made the group and are excited to see the kids.

Also the jellyfish army have all bar one been rehomed to group members. Im so happy that everyone liked them so much.

Out of interest - were you assessed by an amhp?

They are amazing. I can’t even begin to work out how to do the shaping. I’ve such a novice!

Nope

Ugh im so overstimulated from mt group i haven't been able to function since. I got the kids home, made packed lunches, prepped dinner. Then I was so bad I had to go to bed. Ive slept but I still feel awful. I cant eat, cant drink, cant think. The light from mt pgone burns.

All this from s group whe4e I feel safe and comfortable wtf