Think I'm going psychotic again

[NotQuiteUsual]

It always starts the same way, thinking the kids are fake. I dont want them to talk to me or touch me. So im hiding in the bedroom so they dont notice. DH is running the house for me.

Im so upset and scared, where have my real kids gone? I feel like my medication is poisoning me but I have to keep taking it. I know if I stop taking my meds I'll be fine, but im not allowed to stop.

I'm scared, ive been seeing more moving shadows and things lately too. I just feel like I thought i was doing so well but maybe im not. Maybe ive been struggling more than I realised. This is how it feels when the psychosis starts up. I dont want to get sick again. What do I do? I see my cpn on Monday, so thats good. Id call crisis team but I dont want to kill myself or self harm so they won't want to see me. I'm clueless.

I feel for you, I really do! I have bipolar disorder and also get psychosis, it’s scary and exhausting. I’m so glad to hear you feel you’re starting to come out the other side of this. I remember googling and googling what I thought was true for ages and being confused/frustrated as to why no results were coming back. And the relief when things became clearer and I realised the horrible things weren’t true. Keep talking to us and hang in there.

You’re doing really well, @NotQuiteUsual, even if it doesn’t feel like it.

Wanna show us your jellyfish collection??

This id a big jellyfish and a half made baby jellyfish.

I feel really bad, last night after my psychologist appointment I felt really bad, so I went to the crisis cafe. But they said it was too late to help me.

This reality is totally fake and I can almost feel how to peel it away. But I can't get to the actual core reality. That's why the kids feel fake and everyone feels like robots. Its all fake. Even the walls are just like paper.

I dont know what I'm supposed to do?! No one will help the thoughts stop. No one can stop them. So i just have to endure and hope.

Morning @NotQuiteUsual
Just came on here to send gentle & supportive hugs & let you know that I think you are a wonderful Mum, so caring & loving to your children, despite being unwell. Please be proud of yourself (& be proud of the jellyfish too, they’re ace!)

Im proud to say that my DD is a psychologist; your recent experience with yours is exactly the reason that she went into this field. If it’s ok by you, I’ll pass on your comments to her about how interesting your session was.

I wish you a calm & gentle day xx

Omg, that jellyfish is SO cute! I love him/her.

My cpn is bringing me a script for diazepam so im going to the chemist to sort it..I need to pick up meds anyway.

Boundless empathy sent to you, @NotQuiteUsual, I experience similar and it is hell.

Hope you manage to pick up the meds ok. I’m really impressed with the jellyfish. I can just about crochet a plain blanket.

OP I don't really have any advice for you but I hope it helps you to know how proud I am of you. Your posts are really amazing. The strength and awareness you are showing despite being so unwell is just awe inspiring. I hope that when you are feeling more yourself that you can look back and feel some pride at yourself even through such a scary time.

Thanks everyone. Diazepam has slowed my brain right now. Jellyfish army is up to 4 and a half. I'm picking kids up soon. And I made pizza dough for dinner tonight. Dh can do the cooking though

Love a homemade pizza! Yum. Looking forward to seeing pics of the jellyfish army!

You’re doing so well, OP x

You are doing so well OP. I have had awful hallucinations, so frightening until somehow my dh will attest to this I manged to tell the drs I had a uti and exactly what ab to Rx. Previous 2 had failed. You have an insight that what you are experiencing might not be real, that is so important imo. You will get better and diazepam will help your brain rest & believe me when I say that, I have an elderly bipolar mother. Diazepam is the only thing that works when she becomes elevated. Best of luck.

Your self awareness and ability to ask for and secure help is really impressive.

And your jellyfish are cute!

Am I allowed to 😂 at a Jellyfish Army? Love it!

Oh, and what @Summerhillsquare said, too x

Hi, I have nothing helpful to add that isn't as helpful as what others have said already, but I couldn't read all this and not want to join in and say hello! You are amazing and Im so proud of you! And your jellyfish army are great - I love crochet too, especially making animals. I tried knitting once thinking I might be good at that too, but I'm awful at it. 😂 I really hope you feel better soon.

This is the jellyfish army so far.

Im feeling lots better in diazepam. Everything is nonsense still and I don't love the kids being near me still. But I can hide it good. Im going to bed soon, hopefully no nightmares tonight. Thanks for the support everyone. Especially for the Jellyfish army. When I crochet I can't do anything bad snd my brain is occupied so its helpful

I love them!

I threw up my antipsychotics this morning. Not on purpose, I just semi regularly throw up in the morning. Dr's dont know why. But ive essentially not taken antipsychotics today, my con said not to take more when this happens and the half life of what I take is long enough to cover missed doses but im a bit scared.

Ill get the kids to school and take my diazepam. Tbf that antipsychotics crao is poison so no wonder my body threw it up. Got my antidepressants down though.

The jellyfish army are fantastic, I love the multicoloured look!
Hope the pizza was good last night and that you slept okay. Keep going op 💐

Jellyfish emoji needed as a representation of support, love & positivity - oh my word, there actually is one on the keyboard! So here you are @NotQuiteUsual you can have you own symbol 🪼

Glad you’ve taken the diazepam, it’ll definitely help you with your day.
(I took one last night, for physical medical issues, and had the best night’s sleep in months - only have about 6 left, will have to persuade the GP to represcribe in a few months 🤞)

Im coping today!!! I told dh im better and he told me I am most certainly not better. But I feel lots better. He works half days Friday, we're gonna run an errand together.

That's great news @NotQuiteUsual
Onwards and upwards!

Me too! The parent jellyfish and all the baby jellyfish. So cute!

I.slept 14 hours last night and could happily sleep longer. Im beyond tired.