Think I'm going psychotic again

[NotQuiteUsual]

It always starts the same way, thinking the kids are fake. I dont want them to talk to me or touch me. So im hiding in the bedroom so they dont notice. DH is running the house for me.

Im so upset and scared, where have my real kids gone? I feel like my medication is poisoning me but I have to keep taking it. I know if I stop taking my meds I'll be fine, but im not allowed to stop.

I'm scared, ive been seeing more moving shadows and things lately too. I just feel like I thought i was doing so well but maybe im not. Maybe ive been struggling more than I realised. This is how it feels when the psychosis starts up. I dont want to get sick again. What do I do? I see my cpn on Monday, so thats good. Id call crisis team but I dont want to kill myself or self harm so they won't want to see me. I'm clueless.

Just finished this octopus for the youngest as she requested one.

Bit of a decline. I need to see if the kids and dh have blood or if they're clockwork paper robots. 111 has sent me to a and e. Im scared in the waiting room. Its loud and scary. There's only sn hours wait though.

That octopus is lovely. I’m so glad you called 111. Sorry you are in A and E but you’re in the right place and at least there is only an hour to wait.

You're in the right place OP. It's your mind making you think these thoughts they aren't reality. Your octopus' are great!!

I only waited teb minutes for triage and they took me straight to a bed. The bastards want my blood to fake being human. Tbh know that ive let everyone know I know they're fake im worried about retaliation. Lots of people are gonna visit me. That's exciting. The ceiling is nice in this room thougu

I'm glad you didn't have to wait long OP. Try to remember that having blood taken in hospital is a normal thing that happens to people all the time. I hope you're feeling better soon, your crocheting is amazing!

i agree taking blood in a hospital is totally normal. They test to see how you are physically. Hope you can manage some more crochet. Is it hospital staff or friends/family who are coming to visit?

The mental health ladies came and said im going home under crisis team but crisis team are shite so im on my own. But they will get my stronger diazepam.

Do you feel safe to go home if you are worried whether your children are real?

I agree. Do you feel safe? What other support do you have apart from the crisis team?

It just shows the shocking state of NHS MH services that they are sending you home in this state. It really sounds like you need inpatient treatment

@NotQuiteUsual

ive been following your thread from the beginning and checking in every day in the hope you start to feel better.

I had a sibling who has been through exactly what you are so I’ve seen first hand how absolutely petrifying it must be for you right now.

im sorry you keep being pushed from pillar to post the mental health care in acute situations like yours in this country is unbelievable it really is.

I hope your safe either at home or in the hospital and you’ve settled

I feel safer now im on a higher dose of diazepam. It's definitely helping. But im still scared about wanting to cut everyone. Crisis team will be here in a few minutes. Im not expecting much, crisis team don't even work like a plaster. They'll just ask questions and say mmm so difficult and then they'll tell me off for being awake even though they arranged the appointment this time.

Are you ok OP? Whats happening now?

How did the appointment go?

I had a good night's sleep. The crisis team are coming again tomorrow but they just said oh hoe difficult for you. Lots of times and left. The dog liked one of them though so they seemed OK.

Have they got you on other meds as well as diazepam? At least they are coming back out.

No I see mt psychiatrist on Friday so he'll sort meds. No one but the Dr in the hospital wants to help. But he said they overruled him.

Social services are being informed about yesterday, do you think they'll visit? We've kept my mental health ahit away from the kids and I dont want them telling the kids about it. The kids just think I get sleepy a lot and have to have naps in my room.

Im not bothered about them being involved, but I dont want them blowing my cover with the kids.

I am sure they won’t be telling the kids about your diagnosis. Apart from anything that’s your private medical information. They just want to know you and your family are safe.

Feeling a bit better today. But ive not taken my diazepam yet. I dont want to feel sedated. Ill take it. But I'll complain about it first.

I miss going to the beach and rockpooling. I like harassing the sea critters. Im really good at finding starfish.

I told my dad whata going on yesterday, typical responses from him, didn't wanna hear the details but offered to travel the 6 hours to help out. But we dont have a spare room! Plus id rally all my strength to enjoy his visit snd crash when he left.

I want everything to be real again

How are you op? Just read all your posts. I hope you’re feeling better soon.
I wonder why they won’t take you as an inpatient for a while?

I’m sure the diazepam is intended to help you out until Friday. Just to keep you feeling calmer and slow the thoughts until psych can sort a decent combo for you. Hope you will be back searching out the sea critters soon.

Crisis team just left. She was nice, she says im very detached and that everyone is real, but to her of course they're real because she's fake too. Im exhausted after the appointment abd need sleep now. She wants me to go outside but I dont wanna.

I hope you're feeling better now. Just hang in there, everything will be alright.