AIBU to refuse my mother-in-law's offer to deep clean our house?

[Samiloff]

We (me, DH and two DC) are going away over half-term. MIL, who lives near us, has offered to give our house "a thorough clean" while we’re away. I’ve said thanks for the offer but no thanks. She just can’t understand me refusing what she sees as a wonderful offer and keeps going on and on about it.

It's true I’m not terribly house-proud but we do what’s necessary and we have a cleaner weekly (DH and I work full-time) and the house is perfectly ok. I can see that a thorough "spring clean" could be a good idea, but quite apart from the principle of her doing it, I hate the thought of MIL poking into everything while we’re away, and then dropping into the conversation for months afterwards all the things she thinks I’m doing wrong (she thinks housework is the woman's responsibility). I just know that’s what would happen. DH says it’s up to me. AIBU to refuse?

YABU - you would be silly and ungrateful to turn down the kind offer
YANBU - if it makes you uncomfortable it’s perfectly ok to politely say no.

I would also refuse.

It's judgemental to even offer. Like saying you can't keep the house clean. I'd be refusing too

Oh my god I’d love this, especially if you say it needs it!!

She just wants to have a nosey.

YANBU. If you have a weekly cleaner that’s more than enough, the house doesn’t need to be a show home.

When it gets to the stage of dog poo left on carpets, then MIL can step in if she wants to.

Say 'I'm going to stop you there, Angela. You've offered. I've said thank you and refused. I'm not going to repeat myself again. And while we're at it, the housework isn't my responsibility because I have a vagina.'

She can have our keys. I would happily say yes.

Of course you can say no. It's your house.

If she has a key, get it off her before you go.

It's not an offer is it, because she's not saying 'would you like me to?' and then accepting it when you say no? It's her thinking she has some kind of right to come into your house and do what SHE thinks is right. She has no right. You've said no, end of story.

Does your dh have a say in whether she does it? It’s his responsibility also. I’d be inclined to say it’s up to him (his mother), hide anything personal in the loft at let her at it. My mil folds sheets like an angel. I’d sell the quicks of my toenails to have her sort out our airing cupboard.

Could you give her defined rooms/areas to work on? Eg your bedroom out of bounds.

I'd love this offer, if she's free you can dm for my add. 😂
But I do get why you wouldn't want this intrusion

🤣

I'd say 'yes, but only if I can return the offer' or insert anything else that you know she would hate / refuse!

Not a cat in hell’s chance!

I'd be a bit offended and say no.

But also, I'd bloody love if someone would actually come and do it!

I would say no as you're right, it sounds like a big ol' nosey around. Also , why on earth is your DH not taking ownership here - if the house needs a deep clean, that's on both of you, not just you, and he should be putting her right.

YANBU. I think it’s fine for her to offer, I wouldn’t take offence at the offer personally, because some people would genuinely love this. But it’s fine for you to decline the offer. Though I would decline in a polite but firm way - the fact that she seems to still be offering suggests you might not have been clear.

why not book your regular cleaner to do a full day deep clean whilst you are away.

then you can legitimately and politely thank MIL, acknowledge and accept that it does need doing, but you couldn’t put that on her, you value he and her time.

if you can’t afford the cleaner and the holiday, just say yes and be grateful. It’s a wonderful thoughtful offer. I wouldn’t want mine nosing around but I’d deal with it to have a deep clean.

Fuck no. If you want that done, then pay your cleaner to do it. Who wants their MIL poking around? Just nope.

Tell your husband you don't want it and divert any further suggestions to him. Fml, who are these mad women who only speak to other women about housework?

My first instinct would be, why ever not? To come home to a deep cleaned house. Fabulous.

But then I remember a time when my dc were very small, I’d had a miscarriage (which went on over 3-4 weeks), the house desperately needed a deep clean, and my mum wanted to come and support me. I told her in no uncertain terms that she could come and stay, but mustn’t comment on state of the house or do any housework at all, because that would have tipped me over the edge. And that was my mum, not my MIL.

If you don’t want it, stick to your guns.

Tell her she's welcome to clean the house when you're all in it. That way you get a clean house without her noseying.

Think it all depends on your relationship with your mother in law.
I have a fabulous daughter in law who wouldn't have a problem with this in the slightest because she knows I would never poke around and open cupboards etc. I would still wait to be asked though!
I would rather stick pins in my eyes than allow my own mother in law free rein in my house (although I do have her to thank for showing me all the things a mother in law shouldn't do!!)

My dear late MIL used to stay at our house when we were away with our children years ago (she only lived 2 miles away but would stay here to feed the cats). I used to love coming home to a sparkling kitchen! In fact, the first thing our children would do was to check the small cutlery drawer as everything was perfectly arranged there! It was a family ritual.

Many many years ago I came back from a weeks holiday with ex partner and thought we had been burgled. No, his DM had been in, ( I didn't know she had a key) and gone through all our stuff on the pretext of "spring cleaning" as a favour. The furniture was rearranged, she'd been through the wardrobe and colour coded everything, changed some curtains for some old ones of hers, moved pictures. Our relationship was rocky already, but this helped me decide it was over, when he couldn't understand why I was raging and defended her. The final straw was when I realised she had gone through my old photo albums and "tidied them up" for me.