AIBU to refuse my mother-in-law's offer to deep clean our house?

[Samiloff]

We (me, DH and two DC) are going away over half-term. MIL, who lives near us, has offered to give our house "a thorough clean" while we’re away. I’ve said thanks for the offer but no thanks. She just can’t understand me refusing what she sees as a wonderful offer and keeps going on and on about it.

It's true I’m not terribly house-proud but we do what’s necessary and we have a cleaner weekly (DH and I work full-time) and the house is perfectly ok. I can see that a thorough "spring clean" could be a good idea, but quite apart from the principle of her doing it, I hate the thought of MIL poking into everything while we’re away, and then dropping into the conversation for months afterwards all the things she thinks I’m doing wrong (she thinks housework is the woman's responsibility). I just know that’s what would happen. DH says it’s up to me. AIBU to refuse?

YABU - you would be silly and ungrateful to turn down the kind offer
YANBU - if it makes you uncomfortable it’s perfectly ok to politely say no.

Perfectly fine to say no - if she has a key, find a reason to get it back or she might do it anyway!!

You admit that your house needs it. If my mil offered I'd be saying yes. Its a very nice offer.

My lovely mum used to come and clean my house for me when I was working, mainly tidying and cleaning the children’s bedrooms and family areas. I used to take it as an unspoken criticism and not be very grateful.
Now my children have grown and left and she died a few years ago, I realise what a kindness it was and how I wish I’d appreciated it more.
Having said that, there is absolutely no way I’d have let my MiL do it, especially if we were away. Not that she’d ever offer.
so no, YANBU

What a fucking weirdo she is. Weird to even ask, and weird and intrusive to keep badgering you. I really hope she does not have a key to your house.

Anyone pretending not to get that is the sort of person who rummages through strangers medicine cabinets. They need to pretend this sort of insistence on bulldozering boundaries is normal to cover for themselves. It's not.

To those of you shitting on about how much they love people cleaning their homes - so fucking what? OP doesn't want it. So that's that.

How on earth has this decision fallen to you? And after you said no, why does your DH think any further debate and decision making is still needed? Your house doesn't run on those lines so leave his mother to him.

My dm and dgm would regularly do this when i was away or sometimes working! I absolutely loved coming home to a sparkling, clean, well organised house! I would happily take her up on her offer! I think people who automatically presume that your mil is just doing it to be nosey are weird as well as paranoid.

No way I'd have ever let my MIL do it. Mine was a nosey woman and would have taken the opportunity to root around in cupboards and drawers where she wasn't welcome. I'd also feel a bit judged, so no, not for me.

I think if she's going on and on I would say something like 'Marion, we've had this conversation already. If you keep on I am going to be very offended at you saying my house is dirty. Please don't bring it up again, I don't want to fall out with you.'

I’d let her but buy a shit ton of dildos and hide them around in random places so she can have a little dildo scavenger hunt, doubt she’ll offer again.

I’d decline and set the video doorbell to alert for movement at the front door.

I would decline also. It’s intrusive.

The fact that she’s so desperate to do it does not speak well of her motives.

yanbu and make sure she does not have a key or any other access

My MIL is like this, I was really upset to begin with as I felt I wasn’t meeting her standards. But she likes to be busy, and had little support with anything throughout her life, so tries to be helpful in ways she would have liked. I’ve got over it now, and let her get on with it. I’m honestly really grateful now.

Personally I’d love it! But I liked and trusted my MIL (she’s now deceased).

God I must be crazy because I’d LOVE this! Imagine returning home from holiday and your house is pristine, it would feel incredible. I’d honestly bite MIL’s hand off.

If you're not comfortable, then the answer is no. It's your home.

But I would make sure that she hasn't got a key and does it anyway....

Some people would want this, some people wouldn't, I imagine it depends mainly on what the individual is like and whether they're doing it to be nice, or to make out you're dependent on them and/or to have a nose around.

However, the real overstep here is that she's kept going on about it after you've said no. That's the red flag.

I can't imagine anyone caring so much for me or my dc to make such an offer.

Maybe you and MIL just have very different standards?

As you've already said no, just don't engage in the conversation again.

I would hate it and tell her she is rude to suggest it and tell her I don’t want her to go in to our house unless I have asked her to go in and tell her I will be angry and our relationship ruined if she keeps going on about it or goes in our house uninvited

I don’t think it’s a red flag, a lot of people may say no initially to be polite.

Not only would I hate the offer and the actual intrusion, I would forever after wonder if she was on alert lest I let things fall below her exacting standards.
It's a hell no from me.

Your house must be pretty bad for her to offer this. I think you should accept.

I’d love it if my mil paid for a deep clean, no way would I let her do it (aside from the fact she died two years ago at age 91, the very idea that she’d even offer to make a cup a tea at my house is so beyond the realms of possibility that a deep clean is unimaginable).

God no, this is the kind of thing my mother does. One time she just popped in to ‘freshen things up’ while we were away, it felt like such an invasion of privacy, couldn’t find some things she’d moved or put away somewhere random for ages! I was very clear after that although it was kind we did not want it done again!

Definitely not from me, she's trying to undermine you