AIBU to refuse my mother-in-law's offer to deep clean our house?

[Samiloff]

We (me, DH and two DC) are going away over half-term. MIL, who lives near us, has offered to give our house "a thorough clean" while we’re away. I’ve said thanks for the offer but no thanks. She just can’t understand me refusing what she sees as a wonderful offer and keeps going on and on about it.

It's true I’m not terribly house-proud but we do what’s necessary and we have a cleaner weekly (DH and I work full-time) and the house is perfectly ok. I can see that a thorough "spring clean" could be a good idea, but quite apart from the principle of her doing it, I hate the thought of MIL poking into everything while we’re away, and then dropping into the conversation for months afterwards all the things she thinks I’m doing wrong (she thinks housework is the woman's responsibility). I just know that’s what would happen. DH says it’s up to me. AIBU to refuse?

YABU - you would be silly and ungrateful to turn down the kind offer
YANBU - if it makes you uncomfortable it’s perfectly ok to politely say no.

Poor SIL…

Not for me.

I'd see it as intrusive and as a criticism of me, under the guise of helping.

I'd rather stump up the money for the cleaner to come for the day and do it.

Honestly she is an angel and I try to make it up to her by being a very good SIL. My mum woild never be rude to her face so thinks it's okay. On occasion I have reminded her that SIL judt has different priorities, like her career and being a really good mum over house work. My mum did nothing but house work when we grew up and left everything else to my dad and now seems to think she's some sort of super woman for it.

Luckily my mil wasn't keen on housework and would never have dreamed of asking but in the past my sil and 2 ex bfs have tidied a particularly awful food cupboard.I hated it! I am messy,can't seen to help it( great at cleaning bathrooms though!)
A neighbour recently came in to feed my pets while I was away and was pleading to sort out my sewing room! What's wrong with these people?

I'd refuse. I'd find it insulting and intrusive. I don't want anybody rooting through my house when I'm not there, maybe moving things so I can't find them, or rearranging things.

Do you reckon? I often think of offering to pay for a deep clean of my in laws as they are getting older annd struggling an bit and their house can do with it, but don’t want to offend them.

to the op, not unreasonable to say no, but I would probably say yes because free deep clean 🤷🏼‍♀️

Me too!

I was reading thinking "God, it would be lovely to have MiL do this. The OP's mad!" then I read that she'd make comments for months and I changed my mind. You aren't turning down a deep clean, you're turning a litany of snide comments. YANBU at all.

I'd love this, coming back to a sparkling house, for no effort or money. I don't have anything worth poking around in!

She’s welcome to my house 😂

Even if your house IS a mess...it's YOUR mess...absolute no, no from me. Thanks but no thanks !

Anyone who tries to organise my sewing room will end up under the patio.

Oh I'd actually love that. Id deal with the comments if it meant coming home to all my drawers and cupboards tidied and orderly and a clean house.

Someone might have already said but do you remember the poster whose mum let herself in whilst she was in hospital and redecorated - badly ...?!

Edited as I now found the thread 'ere you go: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5270256-dm-redecorated-my-lounge?reply=142006812

Well, or all your sex toys smelling of Pledge and lined up in order of size, and half your wardrobe in black plastic bags for the charity shop ‘because you’re not going to fit into those again, are you?’

I dunno what's wrong with them, but could you give them my phone number? 🤣

This is weirdly specific...

Thats very kind of you and as we already have a cleaner perhaps instead of wearing yourself out😁 you could pay her for a spring clean! I know she would appreciate the extra hours and you LOVE supporting small businesses 😁

My MIL cleaned/cleans for us every other week, but honestly it's more trouble than it's worth.

While we were away for a week in the summer, she took it upon herself to get a carpet cleaner for my living room... She wrecked it. The carpet was ruined, we were back in the house all of twenty minutes before we ended up at the carpet shop buying a new one to the tune of £750.

And she didn't apologise.

Save yourself, don't do it!

My darling Mum always came over and cleaned the house for us whilst we were away. It never crossed my mind that she was being intrusive ,she was just being lovely and helpful.

your relationship with her is weird
my mil lives 150 miles away and is very selfish but I like her that way

Absolutely 100% not. She is for sure going to rifle through your stuff, it's basically spying!!

Her too! I had my mother staying to look after the darling dog over the summer - whilst Husbagd and baby and I were on holiday.

she traveled 17 hours to be here! And I tell you what I was so happy to come home! She spent two weeks cleaning and tidying…home cooked people and someone to hand the baby when we got home from the airport! Bliss. She lives closer to my sister and she gets this treatment on a weekly basis so it’s a joke about how much I have accrued of mum’s services!
dad is useless - he didn’t come as he stayed home to look after theyr dog.
What on earth are people keeping in theyr homes that they are so embarrassed off?

Well, part of it is me imagining what my MIL would make a beeline for, and part of it is based on an aunt of mine who was a cleaner purely so she could check out everyone’s birth control and medication.

Tell her what you have said here! That should shut her up.