AIBU to refuse my mother-in-law's offer to deep clean our house?

[Samiloff]

We (me, DH and two DC) are going away over half-term. MIL, who lives near us, has offered to give our house "a thorough clean" while we’re away. I’ve said thanks for the offer but no thanks. She just can’t understand me refusing what she sees as a wonderful offer and keeps going on and on about it.

It's true I’m not terribly house-proud but we do what’s necessary and we have a cleaner weekly (DH and I work full-time) and the house is perfectly ok. I can see that a thorough "spring clean" could be a good idea, but quite apart from the principle of her doing it, I hate the thought of MIL poking into everything while we’re away, and then dropping into the conversation for months afterwards all the things she thinks I’m doing wrong (she thinks housework is the woman's responsibility). I just know that’s what would happen. DH says it’s up to me. AIBU to refuse?

YABU - you would be silly and ungrateful to turn down the kind offer
YANBU - if it makes you uncomfortable it’s perfectly ok to politely say no.

Eeek

YANBU - you also need to have a word with your DH - him saying 'it's up to you' indicates that he also thinks housework is the woman's responsibility.

I do understand this! But it would have to be someone I’d never see again…

Not really. He doesn’t object to the idea of her doing it but is happy to support me saying no. He does his fair share.

Send her round :D

It’s a nice offer , my own home could do with a deep clean but I do my best at my age in a big house .
I wouldn’t like her poking about in my things whereas a professional cleaning company hasn’t got time to do that , they have to get on with the job

I voted you aren't unreasonable but if she was offering to do all the washing and ironing I would be welcoming her with open arms. Be brilliant. And she can collect washing, take it home and bring it back.

I might accept an offer of paying for a commercial deep clean but would never have a relative or friend do it.

Half of me would like to tell her to fuck off, the other half would be delighted someone offered to deep clean my house.

My mum is retired and cleans as her side hustle. She’s our cleaner, and tbh even that can get a tad annoying and she’s my own mother. She’s not so bad now but at the start she was all “oh my lord (full name) when was the last time you did XYZ?!” And “Jesus how many novelty mugs do you need?!”… it’s one thing from my own mother, but if it was from my MIL it would just drive me mad - and I love my MIL. I don’t blame you for turning her down.

I’d love it, but Yanbu.

It might come from a place of kindness, but I would feel really uncomfortable with anyone giving my house a deep clean whilst I wasn't there. I don't have anything to hide, but I just don't want my space messed about by someone else.

I would be polite, but definitely refuse.

Surely if you're going the the effort of gathering all your private stuff to put in the loft, you might as well just deep clean the house yourself! I guess it depends on if OP has just a box full of vibrators and butt plugs to hide or (like me, years worth of personal paperwork, memories, jewelry, even my own everyday underwear, which I wouldn't want anyone else seeing or tidying away).
She could be asking cos she's got nothing better to and loves to get her teeth in to a task like this, and it makes her feel useful perhaps. However the persistence would wind me up and if you're happy as you are then she should just drop it (and yes it sounds like she's a judgemental busy body).

Hell no.

My MIL would never make such an offer but YANBU to refuse. If you want a deep clean of your house and don't want to do it yourself you want it to be done by a stranger, not a family member or friend. It's too much of an invasion of privacy for someone in your social circle to have that level of poking around like that.

For politeness sake the it's difficult to tell MIL this reason though, but you might be able to say something like that when you get a deep clean done you want to be there yourself so that you can be part of the process of prioritising and sorting things as you go, so getting it done while you are away doesn't work for you, and also you'll want to be in charge so would rather be paying someone to do the work rather than anyone kindly doing it as a favour.

Well, sort of. But I bet OP would be furious (and we'd all think she was right) if the DH told her yes (and gave her a key) after OP had said no. Then told OP not to make a fuss because he'd rather not stand up to his mother. Then we'd be into classic "you have a DH problem" territory.

YANBU. She doesn't have a key, does she?

Absolutely no way should you agree to this, especially as she keeps pushing for it. I agree she wants to have a nosey, and also will keep bringing up things for ever. Also may well say “oh well don’t forget I had to come and do xyz” - and I’m sure will make a great thing of it to family and friends.

Your DH is wrong to keep saying “it’s up to you” though - it’s as much his job as yours so he ought to be participating in discussing it with you.

I think paying your regular cleaner a bit more to deep clean would be sensible as then MIL will have no ammunition to go on about it.

There is something in your house which annoys her so much she's offering to do a full deep clean! Do you fold your tea towels incorrectly maybe?

YANBU.

No is a complete sentence and that should have been the end of it. I wouldn’t like it nor would I want or accept the offer. How would they know what to keep and throw away without asking. If they move things, would I be able to find them, would the kids be able to find them( would I have to relearn my own home because someone thought things should go a certain way and not the way I put them which is for a reason not just a whim.

As nice as my in-laws are, having had them stay in our home and them putting things away whichever is easiest for them instead of how things are when they’ve seen it after I have repeatedly said to please leave things and I’ll take care of it, it would be an absolutely not.

Their niceness is more labour for me. My dad at least listens and my mother will ask again if I’m sure.

Oh you probably hang your loo rolls incorrectly too!

This is the thing.

Once you’ve got all your personal stuff out of the way, that’s the hard bit done.

The difficult thing about deep cleaning is getting all the clutter out of the way, not the physical cleaning

Probably!
When DC were younger and she kindly came round once to look after them while DH and I had a rare day out together, she brought her own special towel to dry toddler DC's hands/face after washing them after meals as she thought it wasn’t right that I normally used the ordinary kitchen towel…

There are a lot of things in life that I would say no to. This isn’t one of them.

The OP has admitted that the house could do with a deep clean though.