Am I a WhatsApp psychopath?

[MrDobbs]

This is how I use WhatsApp.
Sending a message:

• I send my message
• I look for a blue tick at some point, and feel a bit better once I see that knowing that at least my message has been seen
• If I don't get an instant reply, I assume the person is busy or what I have sent them is low priority in their life at that moment for whatever reason
• If it's something that needs a reply then I will ask again when it starts getting time critical (for things like "where shall I meet you" or "when are you likely to be here"
• If it's really time critical or more complicated and not getting a reply, I will phone them
• I find it a bit irritating when messaging people who have blue ticks turned off as I don't know when to follow up but it's the mildest of irritations.

Recieving a message

• I will open the message to read it and it will blue tick it.
• I will reply when it is convenient or necessary. If I am busy with the kids or work, that could be hours later unless it is important and urgent.
• Sometimes if it's not a particularly important message or just chit chat, I will unintentionally forget about it by the evening and then maybe reply the next day or something saying sorry for the late reply.

Would this behaviour annoy you or seem reasonable? My wife thinks I should be up at the Hague for crimes against humanity for leaving read messages without a reply.

Obviously this is fine.

This is normal.

It should be 'I send my message', and then 'I wait for a reply'.

Rather than moaning about her on Mumsnet and trying to get a following, why don’t you just be considerate and reply to your wife’s messages as you know it bothers her unless you’re genuinely busy? You could just heart it. Only takes 2 seconds

Just change your settings so you don't get or give the blue ticks
Problem solved

“My wife thinks I should be up at the Hague for crimes against humanity for leaving read messages without a reply.”

If you followed this rule the conversations would literally never end 😂

I do reply to her messages as soon as I can or at least acknowledge. It's more about dealing with other people.

Normal but if I leave my teen on read I immediately get ????? Followed by ‘why am I being aired’ followed by 10 phone calls.

JFC, and this is why some people hate Whatsapp.

I find that if I reply immediately then I get a message straight back and then I’m stuck in a full blown WhatsApp convo that could last an hour. So now I deliberately delay replying unless urgent.

H and kids excluded, they get instantly replied to. None of which want a long chat so it’s safe!

This is what my eldest (PFB) does and it annoys the hell out of me as I've no idea if he has seen my message.
I know it's a bit unreasonable as he's in his late 20s now but that doesn't mean I'm really wrong, does it?

WhatsApp has a lot to answer for IMO.

But yes this is a reason to turn off read receipts, even if it is slightly annoying.

Yes ur weird. I just knew this can’t be a woman. Explains a lot. If I see my mssg read I expect a response bc otherwise I feel they’ve ignored my mssg or if they wait to reply later they will forget about it. I don’t open mssgs unless I’m ready to reply, most people in my circle work like this. I’ve never had friends or family open my mssg and leave me on read and then reply when convenient. Business related conversations are different.

this is something I’d expect from people a lot older like my dad who didn’t grow up with technology.

Sounds normal to me.

DS has turned off sending notifications. It's beyond irritating. We spend hours trying to phone him but he's often got his phone on silent or switched off. Aaaargh!

I agree with this. If I can't answer the person I'll wait until I can to open their message. Reading it without replying feels like ignoring someone who's spoken to me. I didn't grow up with technology.

I think this is where the divide is. I am older (48) but technology isn't alien to me at all. But I will be interacting with people who view things as you do and what you said confirms that they aren't impressed.

I open messages to see if they are important enough to merit an immediate reply or not. Whether I want to reply immediately depends on how important I think it is. If I am in the middle of dealing with something with a toddler then almost nothing will get an instant reply. If I am at work in the middle of a task but not in a meeting, then some things get replies and other things don't.

I resolutely stick with the old adage "I have a phone for my convenience, not everyone else's". This adage is only as old as mobile phones, but feels archaic in a world of indignant "LEFT ON READ!" fulminations.

Fully support your sane approach, OP. And, yes, @amraa, I am in fact female!

It's called 'being left on read'. I generally reply quickly but younger people (under 35) can leave me on read for several v days, even a week. I was just thinking in the car today that WhatsApp is like emails were for us, reply when you fancy. However for my generation, brought up when instant text messages were a novelty, we seem to respond much more quickly to WhatsApp.

@MrDobbs My wife thinks I should be up at the Hague for crimes against humanity for leaving read messages without a reply.

under what circumstances is ANY whatsapp chat allowed to be dormant for more than a couple of minutes, under such rules? For surely any reply you give will itself then warrant a reply, which then warrants a reply etc etc.

I don't care about the blue ticks thing but I assume that any info I have sent has been seen, and will chase up only if time-sensitive as you do, and will reply as and when I have time if a message arrives when I am busy. I would never get anything done if I dropped everything whenever I got a WhatsApp message. If I need an instant reply I will say so, or will pick up the phone.

Last year I learned about pinning messages. Game changer! So now if I don't want/have time to reply when I've read the msg I pin it for later

I am a woman and have exactly the same approach as OP. It's not gender-specific. If I don't open a message, I have no idea whether it is something urgent or not. If it isn't, then I will reply in due course.
I am not really that old. Well, I don't know how old your dad is though.
The thing is, a lot of young people seem to think that they are entitled to everyone's time and immediate attention. So what if you are ignored for a couple of hours? It's hardly life-changing. The person will get back to you when it is convenient for them and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
99.9% of messages are not urgent and there isn't much of a difference between seeing you have a message and checking it 5 hours later or checking in immediately, realising it can wait and replying in 5 hours. The outcome is exactly the same!

To be fair to my wife, she means (as other posters have said) don't read messages if you aren't sure you are going to reply, rather than get into an infinitely long chat.

I think the mix of replies here says neither my approach nor my wife's approach are unusual as there seem to be plenty of people in both camps so I am going to carry on as I am but maybe lean a bit more towards finding a short reply more often than no reply.

Just read it in the notification, then open it properly when you have time to reply. That's what I do, and it reminds me I've got outstanding messages to reply to.

Wow I’ve been educated on the ‘left on read’ thing. Also mid forties and female, and ops description is exactly how I treat WhatsApp. I’m not replying when theres more urgent real life stuff to deal with! Who is so arrogant as to expect that?! As for ‘I don’t read if I can’t reply’ - that is some self restraint, as if I see messages, I want to check them to see if there’s anything interesting there.

I don't require a response to every message. It might be for general info but not a conversation. I don't always respond to other people's messages unless it's making arrangements particularly on group chats .