Am I a WhatsApp psychopath?

[MrDobbs]

This is how I use WhatsApp.
Sending a message:

• I send my message
• I look for a blue tick at some point, and feel a bit better once I see that knowing that at least my message has been seen
• If I don't get an instant reply, I assume the person is busy or what I have sent them is low priority in their life at that moment for whatever reason
• If it's something that needs a reply then I will ask again when it starts getting time critical (for things like "where shall I meet you" or "when are you likely to be here"
• If it's really time critical or more complicated and not getting a reply, I will phone them
• I find it a bit irritating when messaging people who have blue ticks turned off as I don't know when to follow up but it's the mildest of irritations.

Recieving a message

• I will open the message to read it and it will blue tick it.
• I will reply when it is convenient or necessary. If I am busy with the kids or work, that could be hours later unless it is important and urgent.
• Sometimes if it's not a particularly important message or just chit chat, I will unintentionally forget about it by the evening and then maybe reply the next day or something saying sorry for the late reply.

Would this behaviour annoy you or seem reasonable? My wife thinks I should be up at the Hague for crimes against humanity for leaving read messages without a reply.

I can only assume that what your wife thinks is important are not things that you think are important.
She might be asking what you want for dinner or if you paid some bill or if your chest is still hurting.
You might not realise she has to plan the shop, needs to use the utility you may not have paid or is checking if you are having a heart attack. Although I suspect you'd reply if you thought it was about you.

Women do a lot of behind the scene stuff, which makes men feel it is unimportant. If you keep asking other women to denigrate your wife behind her back, you will possibly be heading for a divorce, at which point you will discover all of those little silly things that were "unimportant" need to be done.

I don’t have my blue ticks turned on or my active status I’ll reply when I’m ready

They really are. Amazes me too.

I might not have explained this bit properly. There's no problem with communications between me and my wife - I'll get back to her straight away most of the time and we both have the same understanding normally of what is and isn't urgent.

It's more a difference with how we handle communications with neighbours, friends, school parents etc.

It really is a shame they never made sounds and a way to actually talk to people directly on them new fangled mobile telephone things.....

Ugh. I'll answer it if it needs answering (and not because somebody wants to be validated with an instant response to show that I drop everything the moment they want attention).

No point sending me a voice note, they just piss me off because it's hard enough hearing them in real time, never mind when they're dawdling around what sounds like the hard shoulder of the M3 or standing in front of a wind turbine. Just send a text and I'll deal with it if necessary when I get a chance - if it's urgent, which means actually urgent, not to assuage a sense of rejection, call.

I think your approach is normal and fine. I'm only a few years older than you. However, my 20 something children have a different opinion about not replying and won't open messages if they can't reply. I think that's silly.

I will always check if messages are urgent but, if it's not, it can wait if I'm busy. Then I have time to reply properly, or check my diary, or whatever else is needed. I'm not having my life ruled by my phone.

Her demands for you to conform to her expectations is causing her misery. And your not accepting she gets aggy about it causes yours.

Personally I go hours if not days before responding. Because nothing is that important. Its all forgotten about in a year.

My DDs have granted me an exception for being ‘old’. They know my generation does things differently…. I won’t be pressured into replying until am ready. And all my friends are the same!

I mean, I guess if you use Whatsapp mainly for organising things and exchanging information then that's important but most of my messages are mates chatting shit and the village group pinging off about dog poo so I'm more than happy to ignore it!

You can see the first couple of lines in a message w/o opening it. So, not always necessary to open it.
If your friend has your chat open then it will blue tick and your friend might not have actually read it.

I don't think this is wimpy at all, I think it's healthy.

I think it's really bad for our brains - and our kids, and our work productivity - if we're constantly distracted and feel we have to check and reply to every message immediately. I still do it sometimes! But I think it's not a great habit to be in.

This really made me laugh. This is my teen as well. Usually my answer is "You only sent it 3 minutes ago!" or "I was driving .... on my way to get YOU!"

Do you need to sit down with a cup of tea and your reading glasses to reply to your WhatsApp’s? 😉

I don't reply to non-urgent messages straight away because I don't have the time or capacity to get into a full conversation. I don't owe anyone my time just because they've decided t text me

I've turned off my online status and read reports on any app that I can to avoid all this drama

Yup this is my life. So freeing!! I've also stopped anyone from being able to add me to group chats. They can send me an invite, but not just add me without warning. Much better for me.

What a strange and unpleasant reply.

Haha - yes sometimes, you got me!

In seriousness though, if you're doing something with your toddler and are constantly distracted by your phone I think that's really sad. I guess it depends how many messages we're talking. If it's 1 every few hours I guess it's fine to reply whilst with kids or at work. But if it's constantly pinging, then not so much.

Cutting off otherwise lovely family members because they send annoyingly long WhatsApp messages? I feel that would be an AIBU thread started right there, and I would BU

Exactly. It's quite rude to assume that your choosing to text someone means they should jump. I can only assume people who reply straight away to everything never do anything that ties them up for a bit. If it's urgent I'll reply straight away because that then becomes top priority, other wise they can wait an hour or three. I'm a busy person. Sometimes I'm even out of range of a cell phone signal because I'm busy living life.

I have a rule with my kids, and have taught them that it's a general rule, that if you need an answer straight away then phone someone and speak to them. Otherwise you can't assume they have seen a message or email, even if the device says they have.

If your wife doesn't like it, you could try listening to her?

If I'm in the middle of something with my child, playing a game, etc, I'll check if something is urgent but I'm not replying. What kind of message does it send your child if you put them and what you're doing with them aside for the phone?

I like the blue ticks as I like to know if someone has seen it, if it's about an arrangement or picking up something from the shop etc.

But I'm not offended at all by being "left on read".

Some of my teen's friends will constantly pester her - why aren't you answering, why can't we chat back and forth / call etc. Sometimes she just wants some quiet time but it seems it's not okay to say that, which makes me cross

I'm with you @DisappearingGirl and @ILoveListeningToRainAtNight I actively try to not use my phone around the kids. The same as when I'm at work, it's not good etiquette for me to sit on my personal whatsapp. Or if you were out for a meal with a friend and they were constantly on their phone, id consider that rude. Try to treat my kids with the same levels of respect tbh. I leave my phone in the kitchen whenever possible and only check it when they're busy doing something else or once they're in bed.

Though usually sods law that they're busy doing something until I pick up my phone, at which case they appear out of nowhere making it seem like if they're not with me I'm always on my phone 🙄🤦🏼‍♀️

I use the drop down preview bar to decide if I can/want to reply immediately or not. I absolutely hate it when people read and don't reply tbh but reading threads like this make me realise I'm the weird one.