Am I a WhatsApp psychopath?

[MrDobbs]

This is how I use WhatsApp.
Sending a message:

• I send my message
• I look for a blue tick at some point, and feel a bit better once I see that knowing that at least my message has been seen
• If I don't get an instant reply, I assume the person is busy or what I have sent them is low priority in their life at that moment for whatever reason
• If it's something that needs a reply then I will ask again when it starts getting time critical (for things like "where shall I meet you" or "when are you likely to be here"
• If it's really time critical or more complicated and not getting a reply, I will phone them
• I find it a bit irritating when messaging people who have blue ticks turned off as I don't know when to follow up but it's the mildest of irritations.

Recieving a message

• I will open the message to read it and it will blue tick it.
• I will reply when it is convenient or necessary. If I am busy with the kids or work, that could be hours later unless it is important and urgent.
• Sometimes if it's not a particularly important message or just chit chat, I will unintentionally forget about it by the evening and then maybe reply the next day or something saying sorry for the late reply.

Would this behaviour annoy you or seem reasonable? My wife thinks I should be up at the Hague for crimes against humanity for leaving read messages without a reply.

Exactly and if something is genuinely urgent then whatsapp is not the place to contact a person. RING them.

😂

It's all cool between me and her with texts to each other. It's just a difference of opinion on how neighbours etc would see how I respond to their texts - she thinks they'd be upset I leave them on read for a while sometimes and I was thinking it was no big thing, but clearly for some people it is and for some it isn't.

Same, I only really reply to messages once or twice a day, especially if it's anything longer or a VM.

With a VM it might take me days to reply.

What you are doing seems fairly normal, you just have the phone etiquette of someone that isn't clued to your phone, and doesn't fret about 'leaving on read', 'double texting' etc. Lots of people I interact with are the same, they check the message to see if it's anything important/urgent, and if not, reply in bulk at a convenient time to everyone that has contacted them.

People have lives, there's more to it than being known to read and respond to messages efficiently.

Did you read the angst it was causing the poster recieving them? They turned their WiFi off to read messages as they couldn’t cope with the sender knowing they’d read it and not replied

neither did they say it was family. Could’ve been been some random school mum for all we know

Why the ageism?

With that attitude, expecting people to jump to attention even if they were busy doing something important/more interesting/not all about you, I wouldn't be surprised if people left you on read.

People who turn their read receipts off and also don't answer the phone and also ask for favours that require communication are going straight to the bad place.

Then you would probably be one of those parents MN refers to when they complain about a child doing something annoying or dangerous while their mother/father are staring at their phone. It's not wimpy to be interacting with one's child and ignoring non-urgent messages. It's called attentive parenting. It's not about brain or arm power. It's about priorities and the OP seems to have his priorities in exactly the right place.

I agree but if they don't answer the phone then sometimes I'll text.

If someone rings me for something urgent and I don't answer I think I probably prefer if they text me instead of leaving a voicemail but I understand sometimes it's easier for people to leave a voicemail.

This is what I do. I hope my friends aren't beside themselves looking for ticks and simmering with resentment! I can't say I have ever looked for a tick(s).

I'm wondering if Backedoffhackedoff is MrDobbs' neighbour ...

I'm more of the if it's important or an emergency and you need a reply straight away use the phone for what it's primarily meant for and call me.

I do however have different notification tones for different family members and groups so know who's messaging and can answer accordingly.

The thing I don't get is, if it's rude to leave someone on read, but equally everyone knows people are just reading messages in the preview pane so they don't have to reply straight away, then surely we're all just doing the equivalent of leaving people on read anyway? Just by stealth, but it's not stealth because everyone knows everyone does it.

But you can do both quite easily and fully. It’s not hard.

i couldn’t care less what mumsnet thinks of my parenting. The very idea! 😂

I can't imagine interrupting what I'm doing with my child to reply to texts. How rude to the child. Way to show them how important they are.

I also don't answer my phone if I'm driving. I've told my kids if they call and I don't answer, call a second time if it's urgent. I'll take that as a signal that it's urgent and pull over as soon as I can to call them back.

Being accused of the crime of “leaving on read” annoys me. I don’t owe someone an immediate response.

I have no idea whether anyone reads me on read or not. It’s of no concern to me, I’m juggling glass balls all day not hand wringing about messages.

I’ve just checked and I’ve responsed to 16 messages today, most of them being family chat between 6-6.30pm. None important, urgent, no long needy emotional messages none of it pressurised. Just chat with the people I love to chat to, sending things that made us smile.

Yes some of my friends take up to 10 days to reply unless it obviously needs an urgent response. We didn't grow up with technology and still enjoy spending time chatting on the phone to one another. We tend to use WhatsApp for sending photos, directions or birthday messages to one another. I thought AI meant All inclusive, and CBB was 😂😀a child's tv programme rather than can't be bothered.Also thought LOL meant lots of love !!

Can we swap because mine leaves me on unread for days and then claims his phone had no charge and he could not possibly obtain a charger from any other of the young people he associates with who are equally glued to their phones 🙄

Obsession with blue ticks is crazy imo. They'll reply when they can, why do you need to know if they've read it? You can assume that unless their phone is stolen they've received it. A friend and I have a rule that works so well for us - WhatsApp for random chit chat that doesn't matter if you take a week to reply to, texts for things that actually need a reply (arranging meet ups etc) and then phone call for anything emotional/big news. That way the expectations for each medium are clear and it's way more relaxed.

But you don’t ‘get a following’ on MN?

I deliberately don't open messages I don't want to reply to straight away- that way the sender doesn't know that you have seen them and thinks you are just busy. You can read the bulk of messages on your notifications on your phone without opening them.

You cant though. The same way if you're having coffee with a friend you dont start whatsapping someone else half way through the conversation. If you're playing with your child they should really have your full attention and the phone would be away. Partly to teach them about screen time and healthy boundaries, partly so they feel that play time is important enough to you.

Yeah most blokes aren't big on texting tbh. Half of me wishes my DH texted me more, but every bloke who was a big texter was also a bit weird, so I'm ok with him not replying and not being weird.

I have a friend I message on WhatsApp, it’s all just chit chat so not time sensitive, but he doesn’t read my message until he’s ready to reply, sometimes a week later! I find this pretty irritating almost to the point I’m not sure if I want to keep in touch for much longer!