Am I a WhatsApp psychopath?

[MrDobbs]

This is how I use WhatsApp.
Sending a message:

• I send my message
• I look for a blue tick at some point, and feel a bit better once I see that knowing that at least my message has been seen
• If I don't get an instant reply, I assume the person is busy or what I have sent them is low priority in their life at that moment for whatever reason
• If it's something that needs a reply then I will ask again when it starts getting time critical (for things like "where shall I meet you" or "when are you likely to be here"
• If it's really time critical or more complicated and not getting a reply, I will phone them
• I find it a bit irritating when messaging people who have blue ticks turned off as I don't know when to follow up but it's the mildest of irritations.

Recieving a message

• I will open the message to read it and it will blue tick it.
• I will reply when it is convenient or necessary. If I am busy with the kids or work, that could be hours later unless it is important and urgent.
• Sometimes if it's not a particularly important message or just chit chat, I will unintentionally forget about it by the evening and then maybe reply the next day or something saying sorry for the late reply.

Would this behaviour annoy you or seem reasonable? My wife thinks I should be up at the Hague for crimes against humanity for leaving read messages without a reply.

As an early 40's woman, was life not so much better in the 90's without mobiles when you are expected to be constantly 'switched on'? I too think what you do is ok and no issues with what you do, but it is all down to perception and expectations, and appearances by all accounts - I have seen 'neighbors' left on read and they 'may think'. It is all down to what other people may think. We spend half our life having to try desperately not to offend people, and let's fact facts, those who know us well enough would see past a 'blue tick' as they would know we don't mean anything by it and we just have busy lives. I don't have last seen switched on, and I glance at the message on the notification and check who it is and first few lines, if it's not important I leave it until later, and can still go onto important messages as last seen is turned on. But when it's a voice note I have to listen as we don't know if that's important or not!

@MrDobbs I know it's very now but neurotypical person sends a message and us left in blue, oh well they're probably busy will look later. Neurodiverse person sends one and is left on blue, omg they hate me what have I done how have I upset them I'll never hear from them again our friendship is over and I will die lonely because no one likes me......

Sounds silly but it's real for some🤷🏼‍♀️

What would be the point of that though? And if I did that to all incoming messages, all those seconds would mount up pretty quickly. Not to mention all the other little tasks I have that "only take seconds". Sometimes you just have to prioritise other things.

I leave people on read all the time, unapologetically, and I don't consider it remotely rude. Of course I read messages asap - very often they'll necessitate me checking my diary, thinking about the wording of my reply or rearranging something else, and only then can I actually reply. I reply at my convenience when I have the bandwidth. I have no patience at all for anyone who gets anxious or offended by having to wait for a reply, and I don't actually know anyone in my social circle who does.

The entitledness of people expecting to get instant responses. Why should the recipient respond at a time they didn't choose to engage in communication? If you want an instant response, phone the person. They can either take or leave the call. During the working day this is even more of mystery, who are these employers that allow their staff to text all day long when they should be working.

Patience is a virtue and all.

It’s honestly fine 😄

I have blue ticks off, and notifications off so I only know if I have any messages if I click into WhatsApp.

I think this is how I am with messages I receive.

however messages sent I have never thought about in such detail as you prescribe- I send message, some time passes, if it wasn’t important and they haven’t replied then I often forget I’ve sent it. It if was important and the timeline I have in my head starts to ring a subconscious alarm that no reply- then I’d phone. Usually though I get a reply as I’ve asked a clearly worded direct question or request and it’s clear when I need an answer.
I’ve never check any blue ticks or worried about people not replying- I just assume people are busy mostly if they don’t reply and I’m not always their top priest. I would rarely chase unless super important

Ha ha. Teens have no time for this waiting business. I hope your teen also reply to your message immediately.

I used to reply as soon as I would see a message but after not getting reply for my texts for days by various people, sometimes even when they were the one asked a question and I replied or for social chit chat on birthdays, etc, when I noticed the radio silence for days after my response.
I have changed my WhatsApp manners. Some people I reply immediately or at least as soon as I can, others I don’t care if I forget to respond.

Need an example of the scenario when she complained.

Please tell me how.

The whole point of messages is that they are out-of-band and shouldn't require instant response. That's what calls are for.

Fascinating thread! I’m with OP - and a woman in my mid-40s. Not remotely bothered about blue ticks and I reply when it suits but I tend to read when messages come in. The only exception is my mum who is elderly and worries if I don’t reply right away so I will respond immediately when I see it as I know she will work herself up we’re all dead.

But I have many friends abroad and one in particular in the opposite time zone so we rarely overlap awake. We have full conversations that way but about 12 hours apart.

I can quite understand this if you have many chats on the go at any one time. As a retired person, I have no more than 6 chats most of the time and plenty of time so I probably put more reliance on WhatsApp than I should. Thank you for your reply - it explains things perfectly and why I have to wait for my grown up children to reply :)