Am I a WhatsApp psychopath?

[MrDobbs]

This is how I use WhatsApp.
Sending a message:

• I send my message
• I look for a blue tick at some point, and feel a bit better once I see that knowing that at least my message has been seen
• If I don't get an instant reply, I assume the person is busy or what I have sent them is low priority in their life at that moment for whatever reason
• If it's something that needs a reply then I will ask again when it starts getting time critical (for things like "where shall I meet you" or "when are you likely to be here"
• If it's really time critical or more complicated and not getting a reply, I will phone them
• I find it a bit irritating when messaging people who have blue ticks turned off as I don't know when to follow up but it's the mildest of irritations.

Recieving a message

• I will open the message to read it and it will blue tick it.
• I will reply when it is convenient or necessary. If I am busy with the kids or work, that could be hours later unless it is important and urgent.
• Sometimes if it's not a particularly important message or just chit chat, I will unintentionally forget about it by the evening and then maybe reply the next day or something saying sorry for the late reply.

Would this behaviour annoy you or seem reasonable? My wife thinks I should be up at the Hague for crimes against humanity for leaving read messages without a reply.

Just reading that pissed me off 😂

You seem WAY more uptight about sent messages and expecting replies than you are about responding yourself.

Turning my blue ticks off immediately in case someone I know is this entitled about my time and expectant of my response.

I just cannot!

Yep, I see a notification and turn my wifi off. I can read the message without it alerting the sender that I have read it.
But I should not feel the need to do that to pander to someone else's anxieties about being left on read.

This is really odd to me. All this angst about “being left on read”…why would you assume someone’s ignoring you instead of assuming they are busy and will respond when they can? I really don’t get it…is it lack of self-confidence? And before you ask, I grew up with the internet and all. I’m also a woman. I respond when I’m able to and pretty much deal with messages in the same way OP does. That’s really the normal way of communicating in my circle, it’s really not unusual.

See honestly I think this is quite wimpy. Can you really not reply to a message in the presence of your toddler or at work? How much brainpower/ arm power do you need to
summon to tap out replies? I can do them at the same time as almost anything (apart from a shower) that’s 2026

Some replies need a lot more that a simple one.
Some people send essays and want one in return.

Maybe sounds like that but I don't see it that way. 95% of what I sens (other than to my wife) I am not bothered about when the reply is. The follow up message/ring is for things like, a builder or something has said they'll be round in the afternoon and will let me know nearer the time, and as it gets later in the day I need to know if/when they are turning up so I can sort out when to leave work etc.

I do what the OP does. Sometimes i like to ruminate on how to reply. Sometimes I’m too busy. Sometimes I just don’t want to reply. I think this is much more healthy than feeling you have to respond to every message straight away. Why should I be a space to my phone/messages?

I dont have blue ticks on, I try to respond in good time if its worth responding to, I ignore if its not important.

If I have something important to sort out I always call. Never text or WhatsApp.

Agreed.

I have blue ticks on, because I don't care if people know I've read the message. I work on the assumption that they know I'll reply when I get a chance or want to continue the conversation.
Turning the WiFi off to check the message is absolutely bonkers 😂

I am a woman who grew up with technology and I do the same as the OP. I’ll reply to non-urgent messages when it’s convenient for me and not a moment sooner.

I turned my blue ticks and last seen off as soon as it became a thing and I'm early 30s. I don't want people having that much insight into my life. I don't take it personally if someone hasnt replied to my messages, I just assume they're busy. If it's urgent, I'll call them.

I just dont understand why people feel like they're owed someones time, just because that person has read their message

Turning the WiFi off is extreme! It would be more faff than just replying or sending a thumbs up.

Sounds completely normal to me. I have the blue ticks / last online / time I read a message stuff turned off though precisely because I want to read the message, will reply then if it’s time critical / someone needs a response etc., but if it’s just general chit chat I’ll reply later when convenient. Sometimes this may be a few days later (as in particular I have one particular friend who the second I reply to her 12 messages, instantly replies back to me with 12 more, all just random chit chat stuff - if I always replied to her straight away we’d be watsapp chatting all day long and I would never get anything done. Maybe I’m a psychopath then according to your DW, but I prefer to use text/watsapp to communicate brief logistic type info (and also there’s my DM’s messages, she treats watsapp like email and every message is an essay - again, I don’t have time to always reply to these there and then).

I tend to reply, takes a few seconds really. No biggie. If I have time to read it, I have time to reply and certainly with some people I'd rather be polite to them.

If you text me youll ring if ive read it and not replied

But if I text you, youll only reply if you deem it time sensitive or otherwise ignore me

Yes that double standard would drive me up the wall. Im team wife

I think for people you communicate with a lot, you get to understand what their communication style is like and set your expectations accordingly.

If DD reads a message and hasn't replied with an emoji within about a minute I start worrying.
If DS reads a message and actually does reply, I start worrying.

If I was OP's friend I would understand his style of WhatsApp usage (which is similar to OP's) and react accordingly.

I think you’ve misunderstood.

Definitely you are not there to assuage other peoples anxieties! I honestly can’t think of many people I know who would think like this - maybe I’m old and oblivious, probably, but other peoples anxieties or entitlement are for them to worry about.

Misunderstood what?

You are perfectly normal. The person who leaves me on read - or unread - longer than anyone else is my 23 year-old god-daughter, so I don't think it's necessarily a generational thing.

Expecting immediate responses is IMO more to do with impatience, control, & an overweening sense of self-importance ...!! Of course it's perfectly sensible to check what the WhatsApp message says - in full - & gauge whether it's genuinely important or not.

Using text speak outside texting is, however, definitely a generational thing!!

Yes, you are far too well-adjusted for this site.

Try Reddit or TikTok.

Not exactly. If I have text you to say "hi how's it going, you free for a drink this Saturday?"" or "are those temporary lights still there?" I am not going to be ringing you or sending you chasers. Reply if and when you want.

If I text you to say "yeah that's fine you can park in front of my drive this morning if you're back at lunchtime anyway. I don't need to leave until 5 to get the kids" and your van is still there at 4.30 I'll be ringing.

Well of course, that’s just common sense. But one would hope the serious thoughtful essay style WhatsApp messages are in the minority.

I have whatsapp on mute except for my child. Only my child can get me anytime they need, the rest of the world waits and I honestly get so overwhelmed when I finally get to sit and open a message and it is something mundane as it always is because if it were urgent you would assume a phone call but if I get a chance to respond and immediately I see it read and a reply happening I want to cry. I absolutely hate texting back and forth and see no good reason for it. I do not look at my phone when out of the house either and get irritated when others are on their phones. Nothing is that urgent that you cannot be without messaging every few minutes. Then there are the voicenotes. I want to rip peoples vocal chords out when I see one come up. No fucking need. Call me if you want me cos while it might be 'handier' for you as you are in the car etc it is not handy for me to listen to 5 minutes of bullshit on a tinny sound with traffic noises in the background.