Resentment over benefits and household costs when I am sole earner

[Moneyproblemgiraffe]

Im having money problems with dh.
I am the only worker in the family.
Dh gets esa and pip.

We used to have him as a higher earner before he couldn't work. But I made about 60/70% of what he did.
But now I need to pay for everything, rent, bills, subscriptions, debts,phones, travel, food.
Honestly after a big shop I probably have £300 left for the month.
Dh gets about £1000 in benefits a month that we then need to rely on for food and extra stuff for the rest of the month.

He resents this so much as it's his money.
My money is paid into joint account only some of his is.
I'm feeling so resentful.
We live in the SE and rent so v expensive.
We have 2 dds, 1 off to uni and the other at college. Plus cats and dogs.
He does walk the dogs and sometimes clean but I do all the 'mental work' laundry cooking.
He has no pensions so it's not even going to get better.
Arghh not really an aibu but im tired

So your money is joint money… his money is his? What a selfish dickhead!

What does he want to spend the money on?

Diy stuff and gadgets

And food no one else eats!

If he can walk the dogs he can do his own laundry. I’d not do a bloody thing for him, he can do his own shopping and cooking.
id stop the joint account and pay my salary into another and tell him unless he started equally contributing, you’ll lose the house

ALL his money needs to go into the joint account.

You need to be blunt with him.

He's taking you for an utter cunt. And he can do DIY but not fit to work?

Just realised you said you rent, sod living with such a selfish arse!

Ok set up your own account. Pay 50% of outgoings into the joint. He puts his share in. The end.

or just LTB; you’re renting. Make him beg you to come back if you fancy it.

Could he work at all? PIP isn’t means-tested and I think you can work max 16 hours per week and still claim ESA.

Why on earth does he think his money is just for him? So he gets to stay at home and do nothing, whilst you go out to work and pay for everything? Wow, what a prince.

Unfortunately due to many things my credit rating is shot. So we've been in our rental house for over 4 years, it's gone up by £500 a month so need to keep staying here.
Dd2 17 has autism and no qualifications so will be dependent for i dont know how long

It’s a difficult situation for everyone because there’s not enough money to go around. If your DH gets pip and ESA then clearly he’s very unwell. His PIP is technically meant to pay for things to make his life easier related to his disability or sickness so if he’s annoyed because the money has to go on food instead of say physio then I understand his annoyance. Equally I know how hard you must find it to have such a drop in income.

My DH is about to transfer to Pip and ESA too so I really do understand. You’re both resentful and unhappy because this wasn’t meant to happen. But you do need to try not to be resentful… he didn’t choose to become disabled.

When the kids both go to uni you can downsize for cheaper rent. The pets can be surrendered if you really can’t afford them.

Probably because PIP is ‘personal independence payment’ aka to help disabled people live their life more normally.

@Moneyproblemgiraffe is there a large age gap between you?

This
if he can’t share get rid

He didn’t choose to be disabled, but he’s choosing to be a dick. So his money is his… doesn’t need the op to pay his way then?

How is he being a dick? He wants some money to spend and is resentful of not having it. OP says she has £300 per month left of her own money and that he doesn’t put all of his money in the JA. Is she supposed to have £300 to spend and he £0?

There is an age difference I'm 48 and he's 60.
If he could work he would ( but changed high payed jobs as they dont understand me)
His disability means hes tired and unwell. It's a neurological disorder.
Its difficult.

Ok sorry I didnt proberly explain the £300 is left for all food etc a month which isn't enough

He’s a dick because he gets a £1000 of benefits a month, nd keeps most money of it for himself, then lives off of ops salary?

How much does he pay towards living costs @Moneyproblemgiraffe ?

Weirdly my DH also has a neurological condition. Wathh ch ing him suffer with it and stressing about money has been a new and otherworldly level of stress, fear and worry beyond anything I’ve experienced. I do understand resenting him and wanting to just shake him and say get on with it I need help!

But he cannot help like that anymore because he is sick. Try and remember that he is likely having a really horrible time too and he probably just wants some money to relieve his boredom and pain. He probably doesn’t mean to be ‘a dick’ he’s just sick and struggling too. It’s awful and I’m so sorry this has happened to your family.

Is is 13 years old?
How do you not have the Ick?!
I'm sorry you're in this situation.

@Sunbringer I do get it but when I ask him to get milk and he spends £50 on diy from lidl I despair