AIBU to expect my daughter’s auntie to ensure she gets home safely at 3am?

[Littlek0406]

My DD who has just turned 18 is expected to get home by herself and her Auntie run pub. I’m talking about 3 o’clock finishes, in a national chain of pubs, in a rough area in city Centre Liverpool.

I was expecting her Auntie to drop her off when she had 3 o’clock finishes, but no she’s expected to walk up and get an Uber. I would give her daughter a lift home without a question.

I can’t say anything because myself and her father are split up and it would end up being a massive argument. I would be saying as a father, she should be dropping her off 😡

Why bother asking on AIBU, if you're just going to ignore the responses?

How far is the pub from your home OP? How long would it take for the Aunt to walk to her car (assuming it’s not parked on site, as it’s a ‘no-vehicle’ location), drive your DD home, drive back to her parking spot, park the car and walk to her pub (which presumably she would have to do alone, much later than 3am)?

Can you see how you are being unreasonable here? She will also have to clean down and lock up after this…so what, to you, might seem like the ‘right thing to do’, is actually really inconvenient for the Aunt!

No-most people posting seem to agree that you are being a CF, but you disagree😂

This. She’s no different to anyone else who works there. When you apply for/accept a job, you have to factor in how you are going to get yourself there and back. Assuming someone else will do it for you, is foolish.

DS GF worked in concert square when they were at uni

my lovely boy used to walk in to town at 2am to walk her back to Kenny because he was worried about this exact same taxi issue

it was entirely his choice, and makes me so proud every time I think about it

Does the auntie live upstairs from the pub? How long would it take her to drive her home and back? How many times a week?

How close were they growing up?

If the aunt knew you were expecting her to fork out for transport home for the daughter after every shift, I expect she would have given the job to someone else!

I also expect that the aunt will see this post before too long. There is some massively identifying information here!

When they are in work she isn’t family though she is an employer. Do you expect her to get all staff home?

It's not rough. It's a busy part of the city centre which has lots of bars, clubs and restaurants. It's just like the city centre in Manchester, Glasgow, Bristol...

I wouldn't say concert square was rough, just a couple of minutes walk down to Hanover Street, that's a pretty safe place to wait for an Uber, it'll be heaving round there, especially that early, my dd's generally don't start making their way home til 5am. I'd be more worried about them making their way home at midnight from somewhere more local.

My friend worked in a local pub she could walk home from. I don’t think it’s her auntys responsibility to give her a lift back. Maybe she could look for a daytime job instead? I loved shop work as I could always catch the bus back. Whereas factory and pub work had very late shifts.

I think employers should take some responsibility to ensure their employees get to their taxi or car safely at 3am, but not more than that. Dd worked in a bar in a “nice” small town and had to park around 5 min walk away, next to a park, or further away but pass the park. I used to stay on the phone to her whilst she walked, which was better than nothing but still not great. It’s too easy for people to see a pattern of employees leaving the bar alone.

Exactly what @BitOutOfPractice said.

Mumsnet is a weird place sometimes.

I think employers should take some responsibility to ensure their employees get to their taxi or car safely at 3am

So as a lone woman, the staff member's aunt should walk her to her taxi so that a lone woman doesn't have to walk to a taxi?

What then?

Who's going to walk the lone woman back to the pub or her car?

If it’s anything like my local, the shift manager is leaving 30-45 minutes after the bar staff because they have to close (financially) on the computer system, lock away money preparing float for next day, then turn off all systems before fully locking down the building. I was asked if I would join the team as I live 5 minutes walk away so would be perfect for this.

@ThunderThunderThunderThunderCats I thought the same. I’ve been in Liverpool city centre late at night and never felt unsafe.

Auntie probably has jobs still to do when your DD clocks off. How long do you want Auntie's working days to be OP? They will already be much longer than DD's, and I imagine she works nearly every day.
You want her to add on providing regular lifts in the middle of the night?
I think you are living on another planet OP. Everything always seems "no bother" when it's not you who has to do it. Are yo utucked up in bed at 3 am?
Auntie is fulfilling her "family is family" duty by providing a job - she won't struggle for applicants.

It's a very weird place if people think it's acceptable to take a job and assume you're going to get driven home at 3am without so much as asking, or having any kind of discussion whatsoever with the driver.

I see threads like this and get confused. Are women safe from being attacked by a random stranger or are they not? I hear one person say "they are an adult.. they'll be fine. I managed since I was 11." And another saying they'd always want to protect their DD. What is it?

I still havent heard OP tell us what arrangements she is making with her daughter to get home if it bothers her so much?

I used to get the night bus home from central London at that age, on my own, I dont buy into all this 'lone woman cant travel at night' stuff. What do you think the thousands of 18 year olds are doing who are out clubbing and pubbing at that time when its time to go home?

It’s so hard to get a Summer job so rather than moaning I’d be over the moon for your daughter and happy that this job is enabling her to earn money and gain independance

The issue here is OP clearly falls into the latter category; but expects someone else to do the keeping safe of the 18 year old, not herself.

I wonder if the 18 year old ever goes out in the evenings to bars, clubs, cinema, and manages to get herself home.

I was always taught this was a bad thing to walk and talk on the phone- for one it gives opportunistic thieves an easy target to snatch the phone, and 2 it distracts you from your environment so you are less likely to notice someone walking behind you or waiting on a corner etc.

valuables out of sight, keys between your fingers, and stay aware of your surroundings.

her being on the phone is not going to decrease the chance of anything happing- in fact the opposite. And if it does, there’s fuck all you can do about it anyway, it’ll all be over by the time you or the police get there.

Hopefully this was at her request. I would find that smothering and stifling. Ive always travelled at night on my own to get home from late shifts or nights out.

Concert square?