To have paid for all my newborns things?

[Greekslippers]

Just wanted opinions here!

FTM. My newborn is 12 weeks old - he is a bundle of joy. It has just dawned on me that I have bought everything for him; from sudocream, to cots, to prams - all clothes, the full works. My hormones are settling and I am starting to see things a bit clearer. I worked until 36 weeks. Professional career.

I use coffee / nicorette (ex/smoker) (!) to keep me awake during all the nights feeds as I do those too. Essentially, I asked my husband to go and buy me those two things to get me through the night shift - I noticed he had transferred £30 for it from our joint account to his account? I was like what the hell? I pointed out I had paid for everything else. Is he taking the piss?!

AIBU?

Joint account? Why didn't this pay for baby's things? Don't get it.

Oh dear. And you’re literally at the very start of your parenting journey.

Might as well start researching divorce lawyers now

Did you not discuss all the stuff you needed to buy when pregnant?

Drinking coffee throughout the night is really not a good idea

How did he respond when you pointed this out?

God these men, if it was down to them it would be the end of the human race.

Why don't you just add up what you've spent (roughly) and take it from the joint account yourself. If it's puts the account into minus then you can both add in 50/50 of what's needed to top it up.
Post partum/ sleep deprivation is really hard on a relationship as well as becoming parents.
Personally I'd have expected you to pay for your items yourself. We only use our joint account for joint things. Unless he is using the coffee and nicorette too?
Just try talking about the finances in general rather than this incident.

That's what you took from this? Bloody hell.

Just divide what you spent into two and give him the bill. And change how you organise finances.

Well it isn’t

and it was my second post

That’s your contribution? Bloody hell

What on earth? You don’t think a cot and pram etc are joint things?

Take what you’ve spent from the joint account! Definitely should be a shared cost since it’s a shared baby!!

And tell him which nights he’s sorting the baby and go to bed and leave him to it!

Agreed.

Why didn't you use the joint account for all the baby items?

You know what... I think I'm going to take my ex back, cos these other men are diabolical 😳.
Of his many faults, leaving me to single-handedly prepare for our baby or totting who spends what / transferring money for coffee and nicorette would just completely embarrass him.

Why wasn't finances discussed when you were pregnant, or even before that? I have no words for men like your DH, well none good anyway. And you're a mug for putting up with this.

I agree the baby things should have come from joint account. Or joint savings for it.

The night wakings - when I was in maternity and EBF I didn’t expect my DP to get up as he was working FT - and in a job that required the use of machinery. plus it wasn’t like he could do anything!

I did however have a nap in the evenings whilst he tidied after dinner and he watched our ds.

You need to tackle this right now. Set some time apart and come in with a suggestion on how you split finances. You both need to come to an agreement that you're both happy with. Don't be defensive or accusatory. Transparency and agreement on finances is absolutely essential.

We had a sticky moment during the pregnancy. Looking back it is madness that we hadn't discussed anything in advance. I remember it very clearly.

I had a complicated health history and my sister suggested I go semi- private.as I'd get extra scans and no queues etc. My partner said "oh yes absolutely, I have the money there, can't think of a better use for it" (he had received a lump sum for something). I.was delighted and booked in.

In the meantime I needed various boosters, other medicines and differing pregnancy related stuff. I paid for these.

The first appointment we were told to settle up. I nodded at my partner to input his card. After we left the appointment I asked him why he was so quiet. He said he hadn't realised I expected him to pay for the whole lot, he was annoyed, why wasn't I contributing half? He sort of lost his temper and made out that I jar tricked him / was being grabby.

I was very upset. I did the sums and realised if we had split everything I would have paid in a measly extra 250 euro. I got really cross then. He earns more than me and he was behaving like he was gifting me something, I was bringing his child safely into the world. Why if we were 'going halves' as he seemed to be suggesting had he stood with his hands in his pockets when I had paid for all the previous stuff?

We had an argument and it was horrible. I wish we had sorted it differently. We did sort it though and there was never any confusion after that - costs for baby were not mine to look after.

Its a ‘joint account’ meaning he has access to my wages but he does not pay into it - I use it to pay the bills for the property

Baby stuff should always come from joint account. Personally dh and I have all joint finances but if you don't, everything for the children should be joint or he should be giving you the equivalent of child maintenance.

Its only my wages in it - not ‘joint’ he does nof put his wages in it but he has access to mines. So he used it to transfer the £30 for my latte and nicorette 🤣

Why has he got access to your wages but you haven't got access to his?

Why are you putting up with this shit? Why has he got access to your money and you haven't got access to his? Why did you buy everything for the baby and not have a conversation about him paying for baby things too? You're using laughing emojis, you don't seem bothered.

So why’s your ex your ex?