To have paid for all my newborns things?

[Greekslippers]

Just wanted opinions here!

FTM. My newborn is 12 weeks old - he is a bundle of joy. It has just dawned on me that I have bought everything for him; from sudocream, to cots, to prams - all clothes, the full works. My hormones are settling and I am starting to see things a bit clearer. I worked until 36 weeks. Professional career.

I use coffee / nicorette (ex/smoker) (!) to keep me awake during all the nights feeds as I do those too. Essentially, I asked my husband to go and buy me those two things to get me through the night shift - I noticed he had transferred £30 for it from our joint account to his account? I was like what the hell? I pointed out I had paid for everything else. Is he taking the piss?!

AIBU?

Why are you laughing? It’s sad that you are even in this situation, he’s clearly taking the absolute piss

Stop his access or get him to pay his salary in

So he can spend your money but doesn't support you or the baby? So why basically?

Do you have access to his? If you do, transfer half of baby stuff cost to your account. If not, tell him how much he owes you and when you’d like it repaid. Take instalments if he can’t afford it in one go but do get it back.

Why are you supporting your husband? Doesn’t he work?

Are you actually for real ? Presumably it’s his baby ?

Bloody hell OP. You know this is awful, surely?!

It was sold to me that would happen but he never got around to it

You have a husband but no access to joint funds? Does not compute

it's not the baby who is drinking coffee

it's the adult who has to stay awake to care for a newborn who is too little to sleep through the night

HTH

I hope he’s paying the full mortgage as you only mention bills? You shouldn’t have paid all the baby stuff though. Time to reassess the financial split (and backdate to include all of the things you’ve bought)

Why have you not discussed baby financing? You’ve had a year to sort the expectations.

Im expecting, we don’t share money other than a joint account for bills. We settle up with each other depending who’s paid for things. We’ve already discussed how baby items will be paid for and the expectation is 50/50 unless one of us is feeling flush…even though I earn more. You’ve been very silly not to sort this out until now. Also revoke his access why on earth have you set that up?!

It must be quite an eye opener then that not only has he not got round to contributing himself, he actually sees all of it as your responsibility, not his.

Change the account your wages are paid into so that only you have access to them.

Then add up how much you’ve spent on all the baby stuff and tell him how much he owes.

Are your wages going to drop soon? Is he going to contribute then?

I'm sorry what?!?!? Why haven't you asked him along the way to pay you for things that are for the baby?

You NEED to get your wages paid into an account in your own name and then transfer your share AND ONLY your share of the bills. Not a penny more. I would also advise you get into a position where you are able to leave should you need to or want to.

He was a man with a biggish important job who thought his purpose was paying for stuff and mine was doing all the child-rearing. When I had enough, I left.
We'd spent a good 7 or so years before this all started...
Now that my child is about to fly the nest and looking at the quality of the men available (based on the various SM platforms), I might just dust him off and try again (mostly unserious).

Sometimes I just do not believe what I am reading on here.

This is a wind up surely? Joint account that only 1 person pays in to?!

Seems there's a bigger issue than £30.
How's your maternity leave being funded?
How are the mortgage and bills paid?
Are your wages going to drop while on ML? If yes, are you going to continue paying whatever?
Why do you allow him access to your account when it's not joint, and you presumably can't access his?

WTF have I just read?!! OP you say you have a professional career so I assume you are intelligent. This is not the 1950s. How have you allowed yourself to end up in this position?

Not a wind up - I realised about a month ago what was going on so asked my employer to start paying my money into my own account and only transferring enough for bills. When I went to check the account had enough money to cover the bills it was only then I seen the several £30 quid transfer for a latte and nicotine!

So what does he contribute financially?