To have paid for all my newborns things?

[Greekslippers]

Just wanted opinions here!

FTM. My newborn is 12 weeks old - he is a bundle of joy. It has just dawned on me that I have bought everything for him; from sudocream, to cots, to prams - all clothes, the full works. My hormones are settling and I am starting to see things a bit clearer. I worked until 36 weeks. Professional career.

I use coffee / nicorette (ex/smoker) (!) to keep me awake during all the nights feeds as I do those too. Essentially, I asked my husband to go and buy me those two things to get me through the night shift - I noticed he had transferred £30 for it from our joint account to his account? I was like what the hell? I pointed out I had paid for everything else. Is he taking the piss?!

AIBU?

Good grief OP you need counselling and then possibly a divorce lawyer. I’m on maternity leave with my second and if my husband had behaved this way with our first, there would be no second baby.

OP if it’s a joint account why doesn’t he pay into it. Not read the full thread but this looks like financial abuse.

There wont be a second baby

This. I’m not even married (have worked with divorce lawyers) and this smacks of financial abuse. You paid for everything for the baby OP? No discussions around this? You should have sorted out your shared finances with him months ago, certainly before your baby was born.

Seconded.

He charged you for buying £30 worth of supermarket items ?
Having paid for NOTHING for your new baby's needs?

He's not around and doesn't contribute to the baby's or your care at all.

Sorry OP but what is the point of him?

I'd give him one chance to explain why he does this and whether he's going to pull his socks up.

(He's either so gormless he hasn't realised - or he's deliberately leaving it all up to you)

He’s not paying anything into the joint account but taking from it to buy OP’s items ? She’s doing what she can to get through the night with a newborn and she’s paid for a lot of baby essentials herself. Why do you think this is acceptable ?

Are you going to answer who pays the rent/mortgage? Whose name is the house in?

If this is genuine, it’s one of the saddest threads I’ve read on mumsnet.

That doesn’t follow. She’s financially self-sufficient and it’s sometimes easy to get taken advantage of if you’re a woman who earns her own money. But it doesn’t make her very very vulnerable or put her baby at any risk. It just means she has a lazy and selfish partner.

Yes, he is.

One person pays in and 2 people take out apparently.

Seriously OP if your thread is genuine please explain how you didn’t sort your finances out.

Op sorry but this is not a good relationship he’s tight, selfish and useless any reason you stay with him. He doesn’t even put any effort into your family life. It sounds like you need to reconsider your life with him. He brings nothing to your life. I’m not believing he needs to work as much as he does and golfing all the time your child won’t even know who he is. You need him to contribute more money and time and be available for you both or there is no point being together.

What expenses does he cover?

Before you got pregnant, did you both make a plan for how to deal with childcare (costs as well as pick up/drop off, cover when sick etc)?

doesn’t he care that his wife (presumably) doesn’t respect him?

He absolutely doesn’t see the baby as his, the baby is yours in his eyes
He doesn’t see you as a family
I’d go as far as saying he doesn’t love you because how can you love someone and treat them like this?! I’d imagine even a friend or colleague would treat you better

Outrageous!

send him a bill for 50% of every single item you’ve bought for the baby (you should have done this already and more to the point he shouldn’t have let you buy everything in the first place).

This is not to mention all the unpaid labour for his baby.

Also I’m sorry but how are you so complacent to only just realise this?!

That is unbelievable! I couldnt imagine keeping tally like that with my husband. I would have done what you did and bought everything/lots of things without giving it another thought. I genuinely consider his money as mine and vice versa, just ours really I guess. We dont have a joint account. He should be ashamed of himself. Also your joint account doesnt sound very joint if he's not paying into it? Id change that quickly.

Who the fu** are these men?? Kick him out see a solicitor and make him contribute through child maintenance determined by the courts. And also tell everyone what a loser he is. The marriage is over!

1. His card is cancelled.

1. His earnings go into the joint account by next pay day in order to get his card back.

1. He gives you half of the money for the baby gear.

If he continues to be a useless piece of shit send him on his fucking way.

I missed if you have a boy or girl but either you're going to raise a son who thinks its okay to treat someone like this or a daughter who thinks its okay to be treated like this.

Edited i am not sure how I managed 3 1s!

Forget the baby stuff, if you pay for literally everything anyway, why would he suddenly decide to contribute?

Why have you got this setup? Doesn't he pay for anything at all?

Why the hell did you decide marrying him and having a baby with this useless man was a good idea?