To have paid for all my newborns things?

[Greekslippers]

Just wanted opinions here!

FTM. My newborn is 12 weeks old - he is a bundle of joy. It has just dawned on me that I have bought everything for him; from sudocream, to cots, to prams - all clothes, the full works. My hormones are settling and I am starting to see things a bit clearer. I worked until 36 weeks. Professional career.

I use coffee / nicorette (ex/smoker) (!) to keep me awake during all the nights feeds as I do those too. Essentially, I asked my husband to go and buy me those two things to get me through the night shift - I noticed he had transferred £30 for it from our joint account to his account? I was like what the hell? I pointed out I had paid for everything else. Is he taking the piss?!

AIBU?

Hmm. You don't see this sort of thing from your average professional....

"when I seen the transfers for the coffees and nicotine I was like WTF!"

I thought my wife was a control freak – now I know I was the problem
Posting this here just in case someone finds it helpful.

Weaponised incompetence is the least of your concerns. This is financial abuse.

The nicotine and caffeine probably aren't a good idea in themselves. But more importantly, what I'm taking from their use is that you're up all night with the baby. And all day. That isn't fair, or safe. What are you going to do about this?

You got a good maternity package you say? You still paying mortgage and bills out of that though? 50% or 100%? You planning on gping back to work? The childcare is a family cost, right? Not just yours? Where are the ongoing nappies, kid's cutlery, toddler toys, big kid clothes, school trips etc. coming from, going forward?

I'm predicting future "he has hobbies all the time, but I don't have time to have a shit by myself, 5 years later" threads.

Another marriage with the finances in a shambles. It’s a foundation of the relationship and should have been sorted.

Bonkers isn’t it. But I don’t understand how it’s got to this stage. Don’t you talk to each other OP, about the baby and finances? Buying the cot and pram were big purchases for us which we discussed.

When you bought the pram don’t you say to your DH ‘I’ve seen a Silver Cross pram it’s £950, or there’s a McLaren one which is £750 but not sure about the colour. Shall we get a car seat for both cars or just mine? Are your parents going to help out with the cost?

How can it got to this stage where he’s taking the money for coffee off you?? Did he charge you for petrol when he drove you to hospital to have the baby?

W.T.A.F!

If we are playing at petty games like that, I suggest you bill for half of everything you have bought for the baby including the formula and nappies.

Also, if you're not going back to work immediately, his entire income is family money. Your job will be childcare. How's that going to hit home to him?

The only way I can fathom this being genuine is if OP is in her 40s and really wanted a child. I can understand that, though I think a sperm donor is a much better and less complicated route.

There was no need to marry the worthless sack of crap though.

It beggars belief.
I've told my daughter that if she chooses one of these, I will flog her until she relocates her sense.

Add it all up and make him transfer you half

Its his baby too

Or just fucking leave the useless twat!!

Hang on, so he has access to your wages, but you don’t have access to his?

This is financial abuse. This is a joint baby, so he should be contributing.
Please don’t tell me he is expecting you to continue to pay bills while you are off work?

Edit to add: you should invoice him for the childcare you are providing

Op you have what Mumsnet used to call a cocklodger!