To have paid for all my newborns things?

[Greekslippers]

Just wanted opinions here!

FTM. My newborn is 12 weeks old - he is a bundle of joy. It has just dawned on me that I have bought everything for him; from sudocream, to cots, to prams - all clothes, the full works. My hormones are settling and I am starting to see things a bit clearer. I worked until 36 weeks. Professional career.

I use coffee / nicorette (ex/smoker) (!) to keep me awake during all the nights feeds as I do those too. Essentially, I asked my husband to go and buy me those two things to get me through the night shift - I noticed he had transferred £30 for it from our joint account to his account? I was like what the hell? I pointed out I had paid for everything else. Is he taking the piss?!

AIBU?

He was using the coffee and nicorette. He was using them to stay asleep, as without them OP wouldn’t have been able to stay up and look after his child.

But I genuinely cannot understand anyone who has a baby with someone they don’t completely share finances with.

Applying for CMS when separated but still living together can be difficult. But as he's rarely there, perhaps he's not living there anyway?

Time to see a solicitor, and for him to officially move out!

Don't be putting any more of your money into the joint account. When a bill comes in you ask him for his half before you pay it.
How did this scenario happen? Are you the higher earner?

This! Of all the exes I have dumped for not treating me well not one of them would have behaved like this in a million years.

People’s relationships never cease to amaze me. DH had a panic the other week when he realised I’d bought some expensive weed killer out of my own money and not “house money”. It’d finish him off if I kitted out a baby on my own! 🫢

this would give me the ick sorry. stinginess and tit-for-tatness towards his postpartum wife?

I'd get rid of him now and file for child support. He's a waste of space

what is the point of tight men who don't want to provide?

It's an easy thing to slip in to, we just get on and do what needs to be done for the baby and it doesn't always dawn on us that there is another parent equally responsible. At least you have noticed it early. Time to have a conversation about it and start pushing some of the financial and caring responsibilities on to him.

Urm... why?!

How is that a joint account?

This freeloading idiot repulses me, I don’t know how you can tolerate it.

When I first got pregnant, my husband and I had separate accounts (and one joint account we each paid most of our wage in for bills).
I bought the cot one day after work, and was going to ask him for half the money, then thought, this is ridiculous. We have a child we're going to have forever (gw) so why are we messing about with separate money? So we just put everything in one account, as it's all for the kids' needs first, and agree that we'll allocate a certain amount we can afford for fun stuff for each of us, like the odd night out with friends etc.
Totally up to you what you do, and I get if you're not planning to stay together, but otherwise I personally wouldn't like a situation like you describe.

I can’t believe some of these financial arrangements that I read on here ! Batshit crazy . A married couples income should be combined . None of this it’s hers or his bullshit.

Is the baby not his?

In my humble opinion, there is nothing as 'joint' as a baby brought into this world by a man and a woman.

I don't know how we've reached the point in the slide to the nadir of our civilisation where men have got the idea that babies are solely the responsibility of their mothers.

Pick up the phone and ask your colleagues and friends for recommendations for a really, really good solicitor.

Get shot of this waste of space.

Where does his money go?

Did you buy a house together?

How will childcare be paid?

Why did you marry and then have a baby with this man?

I’m old fashioned but if you’re married and have children you have one main bank account. Both wages go in, expenses come out. You have a sub account for savings etc.

If you’re not married / or no kids then each person has their own personal account and they transfer a sizeable and equitable portion to the joint account from which all joint expenses come out.

Red flags are beating you over the head if your DH is not contributing appropriately or is hiding his money.

So, what is he for?

Why on earth did you choose to marry this guy and have a baby with him? Did you just really want a baby or something?

If this is a genuine post (I have doubts!), divorce him @Greekslippers.
You would better off in every way.

She says employer then says she has her own business. Which is it?!

Unless it’s both.

SO, it’s her fault?

Aaah so what's yours is his and what's his is... his.
Got it.
Enjoy your baby ❤️

Yes that's exactly what I said isn't it. Not asking if he's gonna back on an agreement or owt 🙄