To have paid for all my newborns things?

[Greekslippers]

Just wanted opinions here!

FTM. My newborn is 12 weeks old - he is a bundle of joy. It has just dawned on me that I have bought everything for him; from sudocream, to cots, to prams - all clothes, the full works. My hormones are settling and I am starting to see things a bit clearer. I worked until 36 weeks. Professional career.

I use coffee / nicorette (ex/smoker) (!) to keep me awake during all the nights feeds as I do those too. Essentially, I asked my husband to go and buy me those two things to get me through the night shift - I noticed he had transferred £30 for it from our joint account to his account? I was like what the hell? I pointed out I had paid for everything else. Is he taking the piss?!

AIBU?

Time for him to go cocklodge with some other poor unfortunate i think

So we got married end of 2024 - I was caught up in my new business - I then fell pregnant shortly after so mind was occupied with that - so its only now the cloud is lifting. I look around and I have literally bought every single thing for the baby! Including all the bottles, cow and gate, tommee tippee machine… I mean EVERYTHING!

Remove his access to your account immediately. This is financial abuse. He sounds like a totally shitty husband and father. Do you have any family to support you as he is failing to provide you with any help or support.

What about that do you find funny?

I am paying my own maternity leave as I made sure I was employed for long enough to get the benefits so well paid throughout maternity leave. I got a babysitter to go to a physio appt and I paid for that too! He works full time - leaves the house at 7 and not back even yet, barely see him. Then he is away on the weekends with golfing, conferences - its easier when he is not here as he barely does anything anyway except work on his laptop and he is hopeless with the baby

Why not! Child-rearing done. You can just enjoy him paying for stuff!

And also, unless finances are really tight I’d expect someone to pick me up a few
items without asking for the money Back if I was taking one for the team (night feeds). I’d expect a good friend or relative to pick up a few items without handing me a bill, and visa versa! For instance, my BIL comes over regularly, I’d happily ask him to pick up teabags etc without offering payment. I’m making this analogy as my husband and I share our money.

So all the bills are paid from your account that he has access to? What is is paying towards rent/mortgage etc?

He sounds like an absolute pig. Gets you tied tighter and tighter to him so you’re less likely to leave and behaves worse and worse.

Your husband sounds like he doesn’t get what a massive contribution you’re making. When you have a shared kid it’s really hard to keep everything exactly equal as contributions to family life are more than financial and everyone does things slightly differently.

Well definitely take him off that account for now. Or empty it.

This was kind of how I was operating, then when I seen the transfers for the coffees and nicotine I was like WTF!

This is a piss take thread!

I emptied it a month ago when I realised what was happening

Its not!

Oh, the what is yours is mine, and what is mine is mine.

STOP

sit down and start to actually manage your finances like a family. There is the joint account. Both your income goes into that. Most of it. What’s left goes into your own accounts for you to spend .
to do this you need to budget. Set an annual budget. Work out costs and expenses. That includes all bills, house, food, babies things, and essentials like stationary, household stuff, repairs, majtence, nursery costs and eventually school and university.

you’ve got 21 plus years of funding yourself as a family, fairly, jointly. You are married, if you divorce him he’ll certainly be paying towards his child, and towards you whilst your at least on maternity leave.

this isn’t just down to him. It should have been discussed by both of you before even trying to get pregnant, however, you are where you are.

if he refuses to pay his income into joint account, he is not committed financially to marriage as that is what marriage legally involves. Divorce now. Save yourself years of issues. And years into your future where, like most women, you’ll be in pension poverty whilst he is rolling in it.

So what's the point of him? You pay for everything, you have to get baby sitters to go to any appointments and he doesn't do anything with his own baby. How long have you been married? If it is a short marriage, hopefully you can get rid of him without having to split your assets with him.

Oh no op he’s bloody awful you need to add everything up then tell him he owes you x amount for baby stuff same with babysitting if he cannot be available to mind his own child the house should pay for it. Where does his wages go and what does he pay for?

There needs to be a 'Dear god, what have I just read' button on MN 🙁

@Greekslippers this is utterly batshit. It is, apparently, your baby and yours alone. You are the second coming of the Virgin Mary as it had absolutely nothing to do with your DH and so all costs, chores and mental loads will be yours to deal with all by yourself. Nothing to do with him.

“He is hopeless with the baby”

Freeloading tight arse aside, I couldn’t respect/find this person remotely attractive or endearing/tolerate that. It’s almost always weaponised incompetence - if people want something (eg to be a good Dad and husband), they put in the effort.

Are you cool with it OP?

Jesus things have changed and not for the better either.

I'm 60 but when I was 30 men were proud to be the providers. It was like a badge of honour.

So if he doesnt pay into the joint account does he not contribute to bills?

Nope he has been told how I feel about his contribution to the baby - I told him I feel like a married single mother and I read about weaponised incompentence last week after a friend mentioned it to me - sounds spot on to what he is doing. Further pathetic.

Wtf? So it’s actually your account and you let him access it? Close it immediately and make him pay half. Or better yet kick him out.