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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not flushing the toilet at night

216 replies

ShillyShallySherbet · 08/02/2023 09:51

DH always goes to the toilet (No.1) in the night and doesn’t flush. I’ve asked him repeatedly to please flush as it doesn’t wake me or the children up and I find it really disgusting to find wee in the toilet in the morning. He thinks I’m being unreasonable and says he does it for environmental reasons not just as it might wake people up. Me and the children rarely go to the toilet in the night but on the rare occasions we do I always flush after. He says this wakes him up and I’m being unreasonable. I don’t want to budge and think he’s being unreasonable, so I’m putting it to the vote.

YANBU not flushing the toilet immediately after you’ve been is disgusting
YABU flushing the toilet at night is inconsiderate/bad for the environment

OP posts:
Original poster
ShillyShallySherbet · 09/02/2023 06:50

BCBird · 08/02/2023 21:00

If you flushing wakes your husband,why do it?

It’s a reflex for me to flush after I’ve used the toilet and the concept of not flushing in the night is just not something I’ve ever thought of, I come from a family of heavy sleepers! He’s never complained that the flush wakes him up and asked me not to, if he had I would have been more considerate but probably it’s not a massive issue as I rarely need to go in the night. Also he is such a light sleeper he wakes up if I even roll over in bed so I don’t think to be honest it’s the flush that’s waking him. It was only yesterday when I asked him to please stop leaving wee in the toilet that he said he didn’t think that was fair as he doesn’t ask me not to flush in the night.

OP posts:
MeanderingGently · 09/02/2023 06:58

As other pp have said, if it was a poo then flush, obviously. But otherwise, no need to if it wake your DH up.

We never flushed when the children were little as it woke them up and it took ages to get them back to sleep again; however, the lid should ALWAYS be down anyway, just more hygienic.

Can't see why it's such a big issue, it's only wee, a quick morning flush before you've even opened the lid means you don't have to see it if you're so thrown over the sight of it, and proper cleanliness will sort out any staining. What a non-issue to argue over....

Moxysright · 09/02/2023 09:49

It it’s a wee then no

MasterBeth · 09/02/2023 09:54

Our world is threatened by climate collapse. The two main reasons are our continual use of fossil fuels and the eating of animal proteins. Not the flushing of nightime piss.

tornadoinsideoutfig · 09/02/2023 10:29

It was only yesterday when I asked him to please stop leaving wee in the toilet that he said he didn’t think that was fair as he doesn’t ask me not to flush in the night.
He has a point. He doesn't tell you what to do when you go to the loo. You can always flush before you use the loo if it bothers you.

Original poster
ShillyShallySherbet · 09/02/2023 10:45

Yes very true, but if he did ask me not to flush (which he has now) I wouldn’t. It was the fact that he wouldn’t budge on not flushing that surprised me.

OP posts:
mamnotmum · 09/02/2023 14:00

Never flush during the night. Always flush during the day.

Peckhaminn · 09/02/2023 14:12

We don't flush after one wee such a waste of water

tornadoinsideoutfig · 09/02/2023 20:06

ShillyShallySherbet · 09/02/2023 10:45

Yes very true, but if he did ask me not to flush (which he has now) I wouldn’t. It was the fact that he wouldn’t budge on not flushing that surprised me.

Flushing can wake someone up, not flushing doesn't affect anyone while they sleep, all that happens is that the water is a bit yellow in the morning and you can just flush then if you like.

Maraudingmarauders · 09/02/2023 20:10

We won't flush during the night. First one up in the morning will flush before they go in the shower.
I wee about 3 times a night and it would disturb DH, and I wake at the slightest sound.
We generally flush during the day but as we are out most of the time, it's not much impact on our water usage.

Blueberrywitch · 09/02/2023 20:14

We never flush in the night and YABVVVU to wake your DH up in the night with flushing. Sleeping is more important than anything else. Just close your eyes and always flush in the morning rather than inspecting the loo beforehand!

FusionChefGeoff · 09/02/2023 20:17

We don't flush wee at home to save water for environmental and financial reasons

nozbottheblue · 09/02/2023 23:22

Urine is perfectly sterile when it leaves the body so there is nothing unhygienic or disgusting about it.

Ifyouknowyk · 10/02/2023 00:39

We have a loud toilet, but I share your sentiment. If my partner is drunk they can wee a lot which is so irritatingly loud. It’s ridiculous how insignificant this seems on paper but in the middle of the night it’s so grating! But we have managed to come up with a great compromise and have now got around ‘the loud flush’ by them using the shower if they go in the night!

Ghostbusters104 · 10/02/2023 02:21

Flush every time , grim not to

changeme4this · 10/02/2023 02:53

I’m with you on this, I hate the smell of other peoples wee in the toilet and esp seeing it when lifting the lid. It’s yuk and it stinks.

I remember asking my Dh’s niece once to flush after she had been during the night, she thought it would wake me when really her plonking up the hallway woke me every time..

Cassy92 · 10/02/2023 03:43

We aren't night flushers.

But if my DH didn't like it - then I'd flush. I wouldn't defend my right to not have to flush, haha. It's hardly an effort.

You can say to him - OK compromise, I promise I won't flush in the night because it wakes you up, if you promise you will flush in the night because I hate the smell and sight in the morning.

007DoubleOSeven · 10/02/2023 03:45

I'm with you, op, and if he flushes during the day then the environment excuse is a total fib isn't it?

bellac11 · 10/02/2023 05:19

It's a great shame that some people are almost hysterical about normal natural things and use words like disgusting to describe a bit of wee! What would you do OP if you needed to use cloth nappies like previous generations or use a chamber pot?

I wee several times in the night, far more than in the day, I don't flush, I suspect the people complaining that their toilets smell are not actually getting rid of the limescale and are just bleaching the loo. This won't stop limescale which is what the wee clings to and causes an odour. Clear the limescale away and it will be fine

Jewelanemone · 10/02/2023 05:51

So many precious princesses on here! 😆

Applesandcarrots · 10/02/2023 07:02

Quite surprised how many people have to go pee at night more than once.
Or at all, but i googled it once after trying to send dh to a doctor and apparently once is common😳

Applesandcarrots · 10/02/2023 07:05

nozbottheblue · 09/02/2023 23:22

Urine is perfectly sterile when it leaves the body so there is nothing unhygienic or disgusting about it.

Urine isn't sterile.

Original poster
ShillyShallySherbet · 10/02/2023 07:37

@bellac11 I would obviously have to just get on with it if I lived in a time where flushing toilets didn’t exist, it must have been horrible though but people didn’t know any different. It does often cross my mind, particularly with no.2s and that time of the month, how difficult it must have been for people not to have access to flushing toilets and I am so grateful we do.

OP posts:
CornishGem1975 · 10/02/2023 07:38

We never flush at night. I get up at least 3 times. It gets flushed away in the morning, what's the big deal?

Eyerollcentral · 10/02/2023 07:40

Jewelanemone · 10/02/2023 05:51

So many precious princesses on here! 😆

It’s competitive I think! I don’t know how half the people on this thread function without a nervous breakdown a week!